Star Trek: Series ?
Episode 6: A Recruiting We Will Go, Part I
"Captain's Log. Having foiled the devious plan of my craxy temporal clones, I am now proceeding to give Captain Sulu a tour of the ship and explain to him his new duties."
Ducane tapped Braxton's shoulder. "Uh, sir... Shouldn't we be out trying to catch your clones? I mean, they're still out there, probably coming up with an even more evil plan right now..."
***
Back on the Aeon...
"Anyone come up with a more evil plan yet?"
"No."
"VOYAGER GO BOOM!"
"Shut up and keep thinking..."
***
"Nah... More than likely, they're just coming up with an even more AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I mean... Uh... You're right. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about them."
"Excellent, sir."
Braxton, Sulu, and Ducane stepped onto the bridge. Braxton waved towards the conn. "There's your new station, Sulu. The entire ship will be in your hands. One word of warning, though... Never ever push that big red button."
"Why not?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know..."
Braxton and Ducane stepped into the ready room, leaving Sulu to sit in his new chair to get accustomed to his new job.
Psst... Hey you!
"Who said that?"
It's me, the red button!
"Buttons don't talk."
I do! Push me!
"But Captain Braxton said not to..."
Ignore Braxton! He's an idiot! Push me!"
"No."
Pleeeeeease?
"My mother told me never to talk to strange buttons, so shut up."
Awww...
In the ready room, Braxton went over a PADD, with Ducane standing in front of his desk. Braxton put down the PADD and looked up at Ducane. "I've been thinking about something quite serious, Ducane..."
"What's that, sir?"
"We need a full senior staff. There's me, there's you, there's Sulu, and there's the 'Living Witness' Doctor, and nobody but him seems to know why he's here. I can't promote any of my own crew, because they're all nameless extras, and we don't have time for any character work right now. Thus, we must go back in time and pick up crew members from previous series."
"But sir... That would seriously disrupt the timeline."
"Oh... I see your point. Well, what about Sulu?"
"His crew was about to kill him anyway, so that's okay."
"Ah... So, there's only one thing we can do."
"Go pick up dead crew members microseconds before they die, and replace them with lifelike replicas?"
"No, we'll go pick up dead... Wait... Yes, you're right!"
Braxton started making out a list. "Okay, we have a captain, we have a first officer, we have a helmsman, and we have a chief medical officer... What else do we need?"
"A science officer, sir."
"Ah... Well, Spock's still alive, Data's still alive... How about Jadzia Dax?"
"Well, we can only take Jadzia, but not Dax. That would mess up the timeline."
"Very well. What's her nonjoined surname?"
"I don't know, sir. Funny how they developed Ezri Dax far more in one season than they did with Jadzia Dax in six..."
"Yes, that is odd... Very well, we'll just call her Jadzia. Science officers with one name seem to live a long time. What else do we need?"
"Chief engineer."
"Right... Hmm... That could be a problem. All the chief engineers are still alive."
"Well, we'll just have to get someone else, sir."
"Yes. How about... Gul Dukat?"
"Elmo? Are you crazy?"
"If I have to answer that question, you obviously haven't been reading this series very well."
"Right, sir. Elmo it is."
"Okay, who else?"
"Security officer."
"Ah... That we can do. How does Tasha Yar sound?"
"Ukrainian, sir."
"No, not the name, the person!"
"Oh... Just fine, sir."
"Anyone else?"
"Just a counselor, sir."
"Okay... Well, Deanna Troi and Ezri Dax are both still alive..."
"How about Kes? She was a bit of a Troi ripoff anyway."
"Okay! Kes it is! But let's get Good 'The Gift' Kes, and not Evil 'Fury' Kes..."
"Agreed, sir."
"Okay, we're done! Let's go get us some senior staff!"
***
Meanwhile, back on the Excelsior...
They're Rand and Valtane!
They're Rand and Valtane!
One once got fired,
The other's a pain!
They're travelling through time,
Soon we'll end this stupid rhyme!
They're Rand, they're Rand and Valtane, Valtane, Valtane, Valtane, Valtane!
"Hey, I am not a pain!"
"Well, we couldn't fit in the thing about your brain, so we had to make due."
"Oh..."
"Anyway, we have to not only have to figure out a way to get revenge on Sulu and Braxton, but we need a new captain!"
"How about we get the Braxton Bunch? They hate Braxton, and one of them is still a captain!"
"Brilliant, Valtane! Let's go find them!"
To Be Continued...
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"Time is but a window. Death is but a door. I'll be back."
- Vigo the Carpathian, Ghostbusters II.
quote:
They're Rand, Rand and Valtane, Valtane, Valtane, Valtane...
*ROTFLMAO*
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Star Trek: Leeds
Creator, Producer, Only Writer
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"Good. I'll look forward to your report, Mr. Broccoli."
-Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, TNG: "Hollow Pursuits"
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"Replicate some marmalade, Commander - helm control is toast!"
(Yes, that's a spoiler. Who cares?)
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"Nobody knows this, but I'm scared all the time... of what I might do, if I ever let go." -- Michael Garibaldi
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-At least I can get it up without biomechanical pumps.
-Try falling into a pit of lava, Moffy. Then see how horny you feel.
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"People don't mind if you speak a subset of a natural language, especially if you are a child or a foreigner. (Except in Paris, of course.)" - Larry Wall