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Roasting the US
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sol System: [QB] *sigh* Roasting America: Cafe-style Dining for 200 Million or More Ingredients: Many chefs differ on what should constitute a true american roast. The French schools which invented the dish tended to pick and choose from cities all over northern continent. A thousand citizens of Whitehorse. Half the population of Santa Barbara. Several hundred acres of biomatter from the Olympic Penninsula. But the version most familiar to modern gourmets comes from the great chef Robert Whithinhorningsten-Bassett, of Swindon. His innovation, to use the entire mass of just one country to prepare a feast fit for a king, or the conscientious diner, has since been made famous in finer establishments the world over. The ingredients are as follows: 1.) The entire population of the United States of America. 2.) The Catskills, the Sierras, the Rockies, and the Cascades. (Cascades optional for those worried about spices. See Currys; gigantic and made from lava, for more Cascade recipes.) 3.) Cities. Five good sized-ones, preferably from the midwest. Minneapolis is a particular favorite of the author's. Once you've gathered your ingredients, the roast almost makes itself. 1.) Blend Catskills, Rockies, and Sierras into thick paste. Spread paste around the bottom and sides of bowl. (The Great Lakes do nicely in terms of size, and are also conveniently located.) This forms the body of your roast. 2.) Add humans. You can prepare them in any way you please, the more inventive the better. In a pinch, simply grinding them into a hamburger-like consistancy will do, but don't expect to win any prizes. Try chopping them into thin, almost fillet-like strips for a pleasing texture that's easy to prepare. 3.) Inbetween layers of humans, add ground Cascade. 4.) Bring oven to 700,000 degrees. 5.) The top of the roast provides another opportunity for your creativity to shine through. Consider taking your cities and placing them in the mix whole. A very pleasing visual effect can be had this way. Grinding them up and crafting them into other exotic shapes is another option. 6.) Cook for seventeen months. 7.) Allow your roast to sit for several hours before serving with a nice garnish of either parsley or fruit. Enjoy! [/QB][/QUOTE]
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