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[QUOTE]Originally posted by MrNeutron: [QB] [b]Star Trek: Measuring a Man[/b] Written By: John Steinbeck The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see Riker trying on his girdle. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are playing strip poker and Geordi is losing. During this scene, Picard complains about Data's breath. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must dedicate a Wal*Mart on Talos IV. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data discovers he is an MP3 player. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving the Enterprise doing donuts in spacedock! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that that impotent Plexus wants to put his brain in Data's "fully functional" body, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to the guy who played the helmsman frozen in the first scene in Encounter at Farpoint, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Plexus, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Plexus is not REALLY that bad, because this villian just wants to get it up and get off with Troi. The crew then learns that Vulcan is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Shake Your Groove Thing.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf has the same impotence problem as Plexus. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, comments on Worf's "problem". A little later, Data discusses his various attachments and how fully functional he is with MicroSOFT upgrades. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the bronson canyon (again). Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, the Enterprise is shot through a wormhole, self destructed and the saucer crashes. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Felgercarb!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Plexus has a positronic braincase! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'The bed must be made HERE!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Plexus, Data's hips go wild like the techno trousers in Wallace and Gromit. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Plexus. Soon, Riker shoots at Data's parts. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called London Chimney. Almost defeated, Plexus, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his positronic braincase! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Plexus by plugging Data's hijacked body into a 220V outlet (Data is 110V). Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Troi's "two talents" saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with Data's breath. Picard then gives a speech about the ethical cost of Viagra. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END [/QB][/QUOTE]
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