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[QUOTE]Originally posted by The Vorlon: [QB] Warning: Graphic words follow... Star Trek: Porn! Written By:12" Love Rod The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a giant ship shaped like a dildo. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are having an orgy. During this scene, Picard complains about his small penis. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must give a sensual message to a group of Ferengi. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data masterbates, to no avail. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Riker shaving his balls! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that that a giant space dildo is planning to fuck Uranus, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to two lesbians kissing, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Some Horny Dude, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Some Horny Dude is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is still a virgin and wants to loose his viginity in a spectacular way. The crew then learns that Uranus is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I'm Gonna Make Love to Ya Woman.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf suffers from premature ejaculation. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, makes Worf feel better by helping to clean us his sticky Klingon mess. A little later, Data does his rendition of 'Puppetry of the Penis'. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the alley behind a run down porno store. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, Data tangles with a 3-breasted Cat Woman in a bar. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Dude, this Fucking Viagra doesn't work!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Some Horny Dude has a Genital Herpes Generator! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'We're gonna need more vasaline!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Some Horny Dude, the Enterprise gets caught in a giant space Condom. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Some Horny Dude. Soon, Riker shoots at a mirror of himself. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Quivering Purple Mound. Almost defeated, Some Horny Dude, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Genital Herpes Generator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Some Horny Dude by corking the business end of his giant space dildo and flooding the insides with sperm. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily spermicidal lubricant saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his small penis. Picard then gives a speech about the benefits of contraceptives and the dangers of causal sex. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END [/QB][/QUOTE]
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