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[QUOTE]Originally posted by machf: [QB] Star Trek:Evacuation Written By:Nobody The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a fish swimming. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are sitting on a raft in the middle of the ocean. During this scene, Picard complains about losing even more hair. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must attend their bi-annual physical examination. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data attempts to prepare a new drink. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving swordfighting to death among themselves! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that Starfleet is hiding the existance of a cure for balding hair, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Captain Okona, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Wo Mi Tao, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Wo Mi Tao is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is just playing a joke on the crew. The crew then learns that Mars is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'La Cucaracha.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf has a lousy tatoo. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, announces she's pregnant again. A little later, Riker slaps Picard on the butt. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the ocean. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, the singalong scene rips off The Final Frontier. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Blast!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Wo Mi Tao has a water evaporator! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Oh, REALLY?!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Wo Mi Tao, the Enterprise goes underwater. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Wo Mi Tao. Soon, Riker shoots at his foot. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called Nebula Rasa. Almost defeated, Wo Mi Tao, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his water evaporator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Wo Mi Tao by accident. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Okona saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with losing even more hair. Picard then gives a speech about the birds and the bees. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END [/QB][/QUOTE]
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