posted
Sheep Dog Confirmation Saturday, February 3, 2001 (GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
GK: And now a little story entitled---- The Confirmation Hearing.
(SHEEP BAAING. GAVEL SOUNDS)
TK (SHEEP): I call this hearing baa-aa-aa-aa-ack to order! We'll resume our confirmation hearing for Head Sheep Dog with questions from Senator Merino.
SS (SHEEP): Thaa-aa-aa-aa-ank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Wolf�
TR (WOLF): Yes, Senator?
SS: You have been nominated by the President for the post of Head Sheep Dog.
TR: Yes. A great honor for any wolf.
SS: Sir, in the June, 1996 issue of Southern Predator magazine, you are quoted as saying: "There is nothing I love more than running down a sheep and sinking my fangs into its raw bleeding flesh." In the fall of 1998, speaking at Bo Peep University, you said, and I quote: "I think that the innocence of lambs is a metaphor that has outlived its usefulness." Mr. Wolf, how do you reconcile these radical views with the duties of protecting and defending this flock?
TR: Well, Senator, you have to understand the context. I said that as a part of a wolf pack. But I assure you - my previous advocacy of predatory behavior will have no bearing whatsoever on my obligations as sheep dog.
SS: But you personally attacked and eviscerated 27 sheep last year alone.
TR: Again, that was in my role as wolf. But if I am confirmed by the Senate as Head Sheep Dog, I would put aside my primal instincts and perform my duties.
SS: I notice you are dressed in sheep's clothing.
TR: It's a 100% wool suit, yes.
SS: You're sure you're not trying to lure unsuspecting sheep and then pounce on them?
TR: I resent this attack on my character and your attempt to impugn my motives.
SS: Mr. Wolf, how can we be sure that you're sincere and that your days of preying on sheep are over?
TR: I promise you this, Senator, if you confirm me as Head Sheep Dog, you will never need another.
SS: All in favor. (MANY BAAS) All opposed. (LONE BAA) Rams and Ewes, our new Sheep Dog.
------------------ "There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it." ~ George W. Bush, Deer-In-The-Headlights of the United States
------------------ "One's ethics are determined by what we do when no one is looking" Nugget Star Trek: Gamma Quadrant Star Trek: Legacy Read them, rate them, got money, film them
"...and I remain on the far side of crazy, I remain the mortal enemy of man, no hundred dollar cure will save me..." WoV
------------------ "There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it." ~ George W. Bush, Deer-In-The-Headlights of the United States
posted
For a moment, I thought you'd forgotten how to spell Al Gore
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 6.83 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
posted
Allegory? Oh, yes, I see. The Liberals in Congress, as portrayed by SS et al, are sheep.
Sheep being, of course, some of the stupidest animals on the face of the Earth. So stupid in fact, that they will stick their heads through a hole in a fence, (their noses where they don't belong), and then, rather than back out, starve in place. Sheep will stand and drown in place if a flood occurs, rather than move. Sheep have to be closely guarded, or else they will stray into danger.
And the Conservative is portrayed as a Wolf, a noble, misunderstood animal, which hunts and acts in social groups, utilizing teamwork to achieve goals that they could never accomplish on their own, which protects its own young, sometimes at the cost of its own life, and which has been wrongfully persecuted for centuries, simply for existing, because it is perceived as a threat (despite clear evidence to the contrary). The wolf, some of whose breed became the loyal and immensely valuable companion, friend, and protector of Man.
Yes, yes, a very valuable and laudable allegory, indeed. Thank you for demonstrating so clearly what I have said all along.
------------------ "My knowledge and experience far exceeds your own, by, oh, about a BILLION times!" -- Q
posted
I remember an interesting program on Discovery Channel. Farmers out west wanted to shoot the wolves who were preying on their packs, but they couldn't because of liberal/enviormental policies passed into law. So, in effect,
Sheep protect wolves. Wolves kill sheep. Sheep continue to protect wolves because sheep are decent and wolves are very bad and evil.
posted
Ok, that last was a bit hazy. Did you say the wolves preyed on their own packs? Wolves don't have clan-wars... And I didn't quite get your own standpoint. Did you defend farmers who want to fuck up the food-chain to make money (like sweden's dumbass-lapplanders), or did you defend the wolves, who do what they're born to do?
As you can see, my standpoint is crystal clear. This manouver is also called "last-chance-to-modify-your-opinion".
------------------ Here lies a toppled god, His fall was not a small one. We did but build his pedestal, A narrow and a tall one.
-Tleilaxu Epigram
[This message has been edited by Nimrod (edited February 08, 2001).]
posted
Enviornmental programs protected by law wolves. Therefore, First's wolves have been protected by the sheep. The farmers were after the wolves because the wolves were going after their livestock, IIRC.
Nice comeback, Right
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 6.83 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited February 08, 2001).]
posted
See? Liberals protect the enviornment -- up to and including the wolves -- and all they want to do is eat the sheep! How very ungrateful of them.
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 6.83 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
posted
One thing Mr. R (what a horrid name to write in response to...Right...I don't want to write in assent or affirmation. I think I'll just go with Mr. R...but that could be a Ms. or Mrs. R as well. Right isn't gender specific. *shrug*) is that in the rancher mindset, if it ain't a cow or other livestock....kill it. Biological systems be damned.
The story here is the old fox guarding the henhouse. Gale Norton, Interior Secretary as an example, has a history self auditing which "...which gives businesses immunity from litigation and fines if they voluntarily report and correct violations of environmental laws."
No chance for abuse there.
------------------ "There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it." ~ George W. Bush, Deer-In-The-Headlights of the United States
[This message has been edited by Jay (edited February 08, 2001).]
------------------ "One's ethics are determined by what we do when no one is looking" Nugget Star Trek: Gamma Quadrant Star Trek: Legacy Read them, rate them, got money, film them
"...and I remain on the far side of crazy, I remain the mortal enemy of man, no hundred dollar cure will save me..." WoV
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