Flare Sci-fi Forums
Flare Sci-Fi Forums Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» You are not logged in. Login Flare Sci-Fi Forums » Community » The Flameboard » New English Phonetics

   
Author Topic: New English Phonetics
WizArtist II
"How can you have a yellow alert in Spacedock? "
Member # 1425

 - posted August 20, 2008 02:49 AM      Profile for WizArtist II     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Europe English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!


Joke Site

--------------------
There are 10 types of people in the world...those that understand Binary and those that don't.

Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Mars Needs Women
Sexy Funmobile
Member # 1505

 - posted August 20, 2008 03:19 AM      Profile for Mars Needs Women     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wunderbar!
Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Daniel Butler
I'm a Singapore where is my boat
Member # 1689

 - posted August 20, 2008 06:48 AM      Profile for Daniel Butler     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've seen a version which ends something like "and zen evrivun vil bi spiking German like ve vanted to begin vis!"
Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
MinutiaeMan
Living the Geeky Dream
Member # 444

 - posted August 20, 2008 08:08 AM      Profile for MinutiaeMan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was going to say that "you know you're getting old when you start seeing jokes from ten years ago repeated like they're new" — but then it occurred to me that everything on the internet gets repeated like it's new.

--------------------
“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov
Star Trek Minutiae | Memory Alpha

Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged
Mars Needs Women
Sexy Funmobile
Member # 1505

 - posted August 20, 2008 08:14 AM      Profile for Mars Needs Women     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wunderbar!
Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Da_bang80
A few sectors short of an Empire
Member # 528

 - posted August 20, 2008 10:04 AM      Profile for Da_bang80     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MinutiaeMan:
I was going to say that "you know you're getting old when you start seeing jokes from ten years ago repeated like they're new" — but then it occurred to me that everything on the internet gets repeated like it's new.

You mean like this one:

What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.

And like all the good Darwin Awards?

--------------------
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I cannot accept.
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of all the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Remember when your parents told you it's dangerous to play in traffic?

Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
MinutiaeMan
Living the Geeky Dream
Member # 444

 - posted August 20, 2008 10:25 AM      Profile for MinutiaeMan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Pretty much, yeah.

--------------------
“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov
Star Trek Minutiae | Memory Alpha

Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged
Sean
First Tenor
Member # 2010

 - posted August 20, 2008 11:49 AM      Profile for Sean     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have never seen this one before. I actually thought this was news...

Oh well, now when I misspell words, I kan tel my teacher zat I'm speking European Eenglish. [Big Grin]

--------------------
"Kosh, I'd like to introduce you to our Resident schmuck and his side kick Kick Me."-Ritten

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity".
-George Carlin

Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
TSN
I'm... from Earth.
Member # 31

 - posted August 20, 2008 09:41 PM      Profile for TSN     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
M. N. Women : How did you manage a double post with nearly a five-hour gap in between?
Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Mars Needs Women
Sexy Funmobile
Member # 1505

 - posted August 21, 2008 12:30 AM      Profile for Mars Needs Women     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Time-travel.
Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Omega
Some other beginning's end
Member # 91

 - posted August 21, 2008 12:48 AM      Profile for Omega     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm pretty sure it was a joke.

--------------------
"This is why you people think I'm so unknowable. You don't listen!"
- God, "God, the Devil and Bob"

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Jason Abbadon
Rolls with the punches.
Member # 882

 - posted August 21, 2008 09:29 AM      Profile for Jason Abbadon     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No Ebonics was a joke.

--------------------
Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering.
-Aeschylus, Agamemnon

Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sol System
two dollar pistol
Member # 30

 - posted August 21, 2008 03:02 PM      Profile for Sol System     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
THIS JOKE IS EITHER ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS OLD OR SLIGHTLY LESS OLD.
Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


© 1999-2024 Charles Capps

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3