Fresh out of the Academy, Hoshi Sato realizes all the BS about "proper pose" means jack-shit in the decon chamber.
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Hoshi: Well at least they are bigger than his...Aren't they? Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
Inspired by Reed's speculation from "Shuttlepod One", the writers ponder what space travel would be like if Zefram Cochrane had been Swedish.
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
T'Pol's left breast: Wanna sneak up behind Reed and poke him in the face? Hoshi's right breast: You are so on.
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
Giant (o/c): Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! Easy-bake ovens are lots of fun!
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Hoshi: Terrific. I'm horny as hell, and both T'Pol and Malcolm are asleep!
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Malcolm (thinking): Good lord, I don't know how much longer I can suck my gut in!
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T'Pol (thinking): At least I don't have to stick my chest out to make my boobs look bigger.
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Dirty Minded Siegfried: Innie, Innie, Outie.
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Hoshi (under her breath): Damn, Michael_T isn't the only guy who needs to shave his legs.
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Hoshi: I'm ever so pissed that Malcolm and T'Pol used up all the vaseline.
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
The way he's written them, Siggy's signature looks like an entry to the competition; and it's quite a good one too. 8)
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Well, in that case...
Hoshi: You know, Malcolm, every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Please, think of the kittens!
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
Hoshi: I'm in a decon chamber with the two co-stars. This is unexpected.
Malcolm: T'Pol is only a few feet awa... wait a minute, what is that in centimeters?
T'Pol: I will not vo,it, I will not vomit, I will not vomit.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
T'Pol: Me so horny!
Hoshi: Hey! That's my line!
Malcolm: Hush! That's actually Mayweather's line.
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Hoshi: Psst! Malcolm! I think T'Pol's winning this gut-sucking game!
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Hoshi: Malcolm! Check it out! T'Pol's wearing her low-rider underwear!
Malcolm: I'm not interested.
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Hoshi: If I hear one more joke about 'hiding the eggroll,' I'm going to kill every in this chamber.
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Hoshi (muttering): Act with integrity. No regrets. (massive case of flatulence ensues)
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So... On a side note, has anyone's signature even won a CapCom?
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
T'Pol & Reed, thinking in unison: *whew* She love me long time... Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Hoshi (thinking): Shit! I think I left my virginity over there!
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Malcolm: This may not be the toilet, but I certainly feel much, much better.
Malcolm: I'm British, and my upper lip isn't the only thing I'm keeping stiff.
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T'Pol (thinking): All right. I've seen Commander Tucker in his underwear: check. I've seen Captain Archer in his underwear: check. I've now seen Lieutenant Reed in his underwear: check. All who are left are Mayweather and Phlox.
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T'Pol: Yes. I'm definitely feeling sexual tendencies now. Fascinating...
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Hoshi: Hey, Malcolm. Do you ever get the feeling that we're being watched by millions and millions of people?
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Hoshi: It's a little bit creepy that Phlox made the decom chamber look like the galley's microwaves.
[ April 03, 2002, 19:00: Message edited by: Siegfried ]
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
Siggy, you need to stop, man
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Hoshi: I can't help it, T'Pol. I keep having these visions of the future. A future where I'll be in a red miniskirt and my underwear constantly showing.
T'Pol: The chances of that happening are about as likely as a horny Iowan becoming captain of a starship.
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Hoshi (singing): I feel pretty. Oh so pretty...
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Hoshi (thinking): I wonder what Malcolm's thinking about?
Malcolm (thinking): I feel pretty. Oh so pretty...
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T'Pol: I need my nose spray. I smell wet, sweaty, hunky, sexy... Scratch that. I need saltpeter.
[ April 03, 2002, 19:31: Message edited by: Siegfried ]
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
Hoshi "I can't believe Travis wants me to find out if T'Pols breasts are real or fake" (recalling a sitcom about nothing from 150 years ago...)
Posted by Vice-Admiral Michael T. Colorge (Member # 144) on :
*Reed thinking*: Bigger bulge my arse! Trip isn't going to be known as the one with the bigger bulge.
*T'Pol thinking*: Think emotionless thoughts, ignore the sexualy virle human male and female... when is the decon sequence over?
*Hoshi thinking*: I wonder what both are thinking about? Did they notice that I farted?
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Hoshi: I'm sorry, T'Pol, but I never heard of her.
T'Pol: Humans and their failure to learn history. She was the greatest physicist of your 21st century.
T'Pol: Vulcans get very horny every seven years. And when I'm horny, I think about my love god.
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Siegfried: Damn it. Before this CapCom closes, there's got to be a way for to work in petroleum jelly and this picture.
The359MPH: Like hell you will.
Siegfried: Hey, pal, I owe you.
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Malcolm: Mmmm... I love decontaminating while watching the WWF on UPN.
Hoshi: Damn. I think I really do smell what The Rock is cooking.
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Hoshi: Damn. Malcolm smells like... LONELY!
[ April 05, 2002, 19:57: Message edited by: Siegfried ]
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
WTF IS THAT?! Why are you using my picture! Bastard!
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Ummm... because I've used some of the pictures of some of the prolific posters here already, I need some sort of revenge for the Siegfried Com, I couldn't think of anything funny to incorporate your picture into, petroleum jelly is just ha-ha-larious, I could really spring for a burrito right now, and if you're really displeased with it then I'll delete the entry.
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
bah...the picture is shite anyway...
Posted by Vice-Admiral Michael T. Colorge (Member # 144) on :
Well, if Star Trek can teach children science, I guess Brittney can do physics. She's single now so she has the time to do something with logic.
[ April 06, 2002, 01:41: Message edited by: Vice-Admiral Michael T. Colorge ]
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
THAT's what you look like, Matt? *ROFL*
Hahaaa.... That's the funniest mental picture I've ever gotten... Just picturing you behind the wheel of that Alero is cracking me up...
I'm T'Pol's love god? Bitchin'...
[ April 06, 2002, 18:31: Message edited by: Topher ]
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
eh? What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
I could be a misinterpreting Mary, but I think:
THINKS LOOKS SILLY.
[Insert pot/kettle joke here.]
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
That's my senior picture. I don't normally look like that. That, and it's 2 years old.
My girlfriend likes it thought Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
I just pictured him as looking a lot different, that's all. Hey, I know I'm goofy looking. Doesn't bother me. Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
I think we all are. Goofy looking, and not bothered. That's why we are here, nay?
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Wow. I never noticed how much Matt and Chris look alike. Interesting.
Well, at least no one else here is cursed enough to look like me. Posted by Malnurtured Snayer (Member # 411) on :
quote:nay?
No. Not "nay" ...
SNAY!
It's right there in my name. Jeebus Creepers!
[ April 07, 2002, 18:17: Message edited by: Malnurtured Snayer ]
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Actually, it's "Snayer." You changed it, remember?
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Linda: Hey, Dominic. I think Jolene's fallen asleep.
Linda: I think the crew forgot about us. It doesn't take three hours to get donuts!
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Hoshi: So. This is what Hell is like.
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Hoshi: Malcolm, you were on the Klingon ship too long. This latest weapon idea is really out there.
Malcolm: I'm serious. In two hundred years, cheese will not only disrupt starship operations, but it will effectively disable it!
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Hoshi: Did I remember to turn off my hotplate?
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Hoshi: Psst. Malcolm. Five bucks.
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T'Pol: Hoshi, I find your enthusiasm for slugs to be quite illogical.
Hoshi: Well, what can I say? I find slugs to be quite trilling.
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Malcolm (thinking): Be cool, Malcolm. Do not let the Great Bum intimidate you! Who's the man? You da man! ARRRRGH!
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T'Pol: Hoshi, please explain the concept of "ratings sweeps" to me.
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T'Pol: I agree.
Hoshi: Yeah.
Malcolm: Oh, absolutely.
Everyone agrees. Siegfried is pretty creepy.
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
Star Trek humour at it's worst
quote:Hoshi: Well, what can I say? I find slugs to be quite trilling
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
*sigh* Siggy's the winner. One of his entries was probably really good, I couldn't say for sure as I gave up reading them after the first 50 or so.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
And that's the way you achieve success in life, folks. It's not the quality that counts. It's throwing so many things at them at a such a fast and furious pace that they have no option other than to give in.
Oh, and yeah me! I won an official Vogon Poet CapCom!
[ April 12, 2002, 18:14: Message edited by: Siegfried ]
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
quote:Originally posted by Siegfried: T'Pol: Hoshi, please explain the concept of "ratings sweeps" to me.
This one was pretty durned funny.
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
T'Pol: "Where's the soap!"
Hoshi : "Yes, it does, doesn't it?"
*both laugh*
Malcolm: "Huh?"
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Obviously, Malcolm is not in the know for female masturbation jokes.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Obviously, I'm not, either...
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
I stand with TSN on this one... Posted by The Red Admiral (Member # 602) on :
My first thought when seeing Malcolm's face was what precisely would be going through my mnd if I was in this situation:
*Nnnn, must....not....touch....cloth...'*
Hoshi glancing over: *Hmmm, he's touching cloth...'
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
It's an old joke. Women masturbate with a bar of soap. Doing it a lot wears down the bar of soap. In this joke, T'Pol is asking for the location of the soap ("Where's the soap?"). Hoshi, who enjoys masturbating with it thinks that T'Pol is also masturbating with the bar of soap ("Wear's the soap!"). Hoshi, believing this, agrees -- leaving Malcolm, Tim, and Matt confused.
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
uh huh...
Posted by Matrix (Member # 376) on :
weird...
So many horny people here...
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
quote:It's an old joke. Women masturbate with a bar of soap. Doing it a lot wears down the bar of soap. In this joke, T'Pol is asking for the location of the soap ("Where's the soap?"). Hoshi, who enjoys masturbating with it thinks that T'Pol is also masturbating with the bar of soap ("Wear's the soap!"). Hoshi, believing this, agrees -- leaving Malcolm, Tim, and Matt confused.
And not a thought for the kittens.
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Honestly, you lot. And, reading Timothy's new signature, I must remember to smite Frank at some point. . .
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE KITTENS!?!?!?
Actually, no, I won't. I prefer to call this the solution to pet overpopulation.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Well, the response "Yes, it does, doesn't it?" still makes no sense, even w/ the joke explained. What does what?
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Siegfried's explanation seems to cover that.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
quote:What does what?
This is going to difficult to try and explain without posting a link to a porn video, but I'll give that old college try anyhow.
Essentially, the act of stimulating a woman's clitoris by vigorously rubbing a bar of soap against her vulva causes the soap to erode at a fast pace. To help visualize this, rub a wet bar of soap against one of your palms for fifteen minutes. After that time has elapsed, you will find that a significant amount of soap was eroded away. This is exactly what happens when a woman uses a bar of soap as the vehicle for her self-gratification.
Now that the mechanics are explained, we can move on to the process. In the joke proposed by Vogon Poet, we see that T'Pol is asking Hoshi for the location of the soap. However, Hoshi misunderstands what T'Pol has just said. This could be either because she just masturbated with the soap or has a very dirty mind. Either way, Hoshi thinks T'Pol is stating the observation that masturbating with the soap causes it to wear down pretty quickly. Hoshi hears, "Wears the soap" (as in "Masturbating with a bar of soap certainly wears it down"). Thus, knowing that the act does indeed wear down the soap, she agrees with what she thinks T'Pol meant.
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
What is 'masturbate'?
Posted by Jernau Morat Gurgeh (Member # 318) on :
Wanking, choking the chicken, stroking the pork, spanking the monkey, etc. etc.
quote:. I prefer to call this the solution to pet overpopulation.
And probably, to some extent, human overpopulation as well.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Oh. Well, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble by just saying "It's a pun. 'Where's' == 'Wears'.".
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
Remembers the old "Where's the Beef" comercial.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
T'Pol: "Where's the beef?"
Sato: "Yes, it does, doesn't it?"
Reed: *thinks* What's that smell...? Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Gah.
*shudders*
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
Isnt this fucking thread dead yet? I havent read a clever or funny caption in like three goddamn pages. Judge it and lock it.
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Of course, Mike could just as easily stop reading this thread and quit complaining...
Posted by Malnurtured Snayer (Member # 411) on :
I don't think a dancing fool has any right to talk.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
quote: By Vogon Poet *sigh* Siggy's the winner. One of his entries was probably really good, I couldn't say for sure as I gave up reading them after the first 50 or so.
It was judged last page, four days ago. We're just beating a dead horse.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
quote: By Vogon Poet *sigh* Siggy's the winner. One of his entries was probably really good, I couldn't say for sure as I gave up reading them after the first 50 or so.
It was judged last page, four days ago. We're just beating a dead horse. Something we are good at.
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
Apparently Double Posting is part of your fortay as well...
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
[ April 17, 2002, 11:19: Message edited by: CaptainMike ]
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
What the hell are you doing?
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
I wondered whay I couldn't find the damn post. It must have started a new page.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
We're definitely beating something in here.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
more masturbation humor, Siggy?
[ April 17, 2002, 10:45: Message edited by: CaptainMike ]
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Hey hey, what's wrong with being a dancing fool? It's a cool song, and the dance is a real crowd pleaser. Posted by Saiyanman Benjita (Member # 122) on :
Hoshi: Yes! I'm taller than both of 'em.
Reed: Why is Hoshi sitting like that?
T'Pal: (Looking around for vibrator) Hoshi, what are you sitting on?
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