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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Siegfried: [QB] <h2>Hearings Launched into Violations at Utopia Planetia</h2> Report blames high loss of Galaxy-class starships on improper construction techniques and materials <small>Reported by Christopher Holly, staff reporter for the Cypress Tattle-Tell</small> The Federation Council�s Committee on Starship Construction Oversight (C.O.S.T.C.O.) has announced today that it will begin immediate hearing on the construction violations at the famed Utopia Planetia Fleetyards. This was in response to a report by the Starfleet Inspector General Office�s Director of Production Efficiency (D.O.P.E.) that was highly critical of the Fleetyard. �By willikers, we�ll get to the bottom of this-here mess, I reckon,� stated COSTCO chairperson Councilor Herbert �Bubba� Bushbottom. �I reckon we ain�t gonna allow much more of this tom-foolery to go up there.� Admiral Timothy Rollins, commander of the now-embattled fleetyard, stated, �Recent reductions in our budget by that hippie council forced us to cut corners. The war means increased production, but a third of our duranium budget was taken away to fight the outbreak of Mad Tribble Disease!� Construction on starships at the Fleetyard has been suspended until COSTCO reports its findings to the Council. Unfortunately, six starships were slated to be launched later this week to join the Dominion War effort. Those starships (the [i]Simon Sizer[/i], [i]Hanky-Panky[/i], [i]Stallion[/i], [i]Collasus[/i], [i]Indefatigueable[/i], and [i]Domination[/i]), will be transferred to the Titan Fleetyards for inspection and launched if all is well. �To say that what we have done here is endangering the lives of our brave men, women, and things is totally preposterous! Other fleetyards have been doing this long before we started,� added Rollins. Despite Admiral Rollins�s assurances, the DOPE�s report blames Utopia Planetia entirely for the destruction of the starships [i]Yamato[/i], [i]Enterprise[/i], and [i]Odyssey[/i]. Improperly and non-operational warp core ejection systems were installed on those ships at Utopia Planetia. Additionally, using Microsoft Main Computer Protector as an anti-virus program was installed on all Galaxy-class starships instead of the Norton Starfleet Virus Defiler. This reporter spoke with Commander Christopher Holloway, chief engineer of the starship [i]Cavalier[/i] (the most recent Galaxy to be launched). Holloway said, �Yeah, there were problems getting the [i]Cavalier[/i] launched on time. No standard GCS bridge modules were available, so we had to use the pathfinder module from the [i]Galaxy[/i]�s shakedown. On top of that, it didn�t fit properly, so we were forced to use duct tape to attach the bridge. I also have my copy of [i]Memoirs of a White House Intern[/i] propping up a corner of the warp core. And don�t even get me started on why it looks like the nacelles are pointing in the same direction.� The report also gives shocking indications of intoxicated junior engineers and technicians completing vital components of the starships as well as a general "college dorm" atmosphere in the crew areas. Updates on the hearings and future of Utopia Planetia will be made as reports are filed. <small>This story appeared in the Cypress Tattle-Tell and was distributed via the Federation Press.</small> [/QB][/QUOTE]
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