posted
*musical melody* Kling on (kling, kling), Kling off (kling, kling)...
Confused?
*vorlon speak* Good.
------------------ Lyta Vorlon: "Our great mistake. Our failing. And now your failing. The error is compounded." Delenn: "What mistake?" Lyta Vorlon: "The first one, the one from which all mistakes proceed: The error of Pride..."
------------------ If Galileo had lied to save his life, would America, or the West, or Space have been discovered? And if Columbus had never set sail, would the Earth still be flat?
posted
about alien abduction, Susan Blackmore has done some research to debunk the phenomenon, and I for one am a big believer in False Memory Syndrome.
Is there alien life out there? There must be. As one believer once said, "Just do the math." Even the most pessimistic interpretations of the Drake Equation suggest that there must have been, is now, or will one day be Someone Else.
But I really doubt that they've ever been anywhere near smegging Roswell, New Mexico or are currently kidnapping thousands, millions of people.
Let's pretend that they're real. What have we got on them so far?
They can travel faster than the speed of light, or inter-dimentionally, they can defy gravity and bend time...but they can't completely wipe the memories of primitive monkeypeople, erase "scoop" scars, or make xray-invisible "implants."
I suppose it's time I come out and tell everyone what happened. And why they come to our world.
It all started on a Friday...when the Rings of Ardana V are in alignment to the fourth plane of reality. Commonly known as subspace.
I was sitting watching a thunderstorm when a bright light came onto the horizon. I could hear whirring noises and the rain continued to batter the road and the sides turned to mud and the air was heavy with the stench of petrol. There was however as in all the aspirations of man one redeeming factor of that night. A warm fire was loged just behind me, it crackled and added an air of olden charm to an already rustic setting.
The rain contined to slam down on the corrugated iron roof, deafeningly. The light got brighter. Much brighter. Soon I could feel warm gusts of air mixed with a foreign smell, one that was totally unknown to me. The light moved closer still, sailing gracefully across the great nullabor plain like an ancient ship leaving harbour for the first time bound for distant shore and far off plunder. It's crew filled with a mixture of hope and fear at what lay ahead. Glory and accolades if they succeded, and death if they failed. But, I guess that is the lot of all cooks. For on that fire cooked a curry, one like none before it.
It was built of the very stuff of Australia. I could hear the slow simmering as the light came closer and closer. Then, it stopped directly above the cooking shed. I could see the lads returning from the sheep shed, covered in wool and smelling foul, they would be hungry. But the curry was there, like a great beacon in the harsh lives of these peasants who tolied from dawn till dusk in an unforgiving land where the whims and whiles of nature would kill a man.
The ship stopped directly above me, a beam drew me up into it's hold. It was alien, as alien as anyhting I have ever seen.
I awoke a short while later. Seeing two beings, somewhat similar to humans in front of me. The observed me with the same sense of fascination that I observed them. Then, on spoke.
"Hungry, eat, curry".
I nodded, pointing down to the shed. Momentarily we where there. I served both the humanoids a plate, and they began to chew. Soon, we got to talking, my first question being simply "why?".
'Eat'. One of them replied. The other one looked over at me and grinned. 'Eat, like, 7 eleven stopover'.
I blinked. '7 Eleven?' I asked. They nodded in unison. 'Earth, 7 Eleven, interstellar'. One of them replied.
Then deciding they had eaten enough they began to walk out of the shed, to where the spaceship hovered above the ground. The lads were back from cleaning up, they took one look at the aliens and asked: 'New Zealanders?'. I nodded.
The rain continued to pour down, the aliens boots got muddy, they began to argue. I moved to ask them what was wrong, but then, they were gone.
Rainsoaked I went back inside and began to dish out the beef rogan josh. Never to hear or see from them again.
So remember people. Earth is just a waypoint on the intergalactic highway. It's just another ball of rock that leave slime on your space boots. But, wherever you're headed, it's the place to stop off to get a great curry.
As an official representative of the planet Cilmalane (fourth planet from Ross 248, for you astronomy buffs), I wish to state now, and for the record, that we have never engaged in ANY abductions of human beings at ANY time.
These slanderous reports are being spread by the media of your world, under the watchful eyes of your own xenophobic leaders who fear that if you are exposed to our culture, you will discover that they (your leaders) are not as necessary as you believed.
Specifically, they have standing orders to destroy any of our observatory craft they encounter, without warning.
They have used the influence of the psychological phenomenon of "night terrors" to cause people to believe that they have been abducted. They have used hypnotherapy of "abductees" to implant the suggestions in their minds.
In fact, we of Cilmalane are not interested in humanoid life at all. In actuality, we are among you studying two forms of life, variations of which, strangely, appear to be common to all inhabited worlds throughout this arm of the galaxy: the Cat and the Wombat.
posted
No, I was right ... I DIDN'T want to know. *shakes her head and walks away*
------------------ If Galileo had lied to save his life, would America, or the West, or Space have been discovered? And if Columbus had never set sail, would the Earth still be flat?
posted
*is still frightened of curry* VERY frightened of curry... and beets... *shudder* I'll never forget that meal where I was served both of them at once.... thought I was going to die.... the memory send chills down my spine, even still today....
Beware of the curry.... it IS conspiring with the beets...!
~LOA
------------------ *upon having needles stuck into her arm* *ZAP!* *twitch* Doctor: "Oh... does that hurt?"
Printer-friendly view of this topic
