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» Flare Sci-Fi Forums » Community » The Flameboard » Not a flame, but potentially flammable... (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Not a flame, but potentially flammable...
Baloo
Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Member # 5

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Ever hear the one about the English baker who became a serial killer?

He killed two birds with one scone!

[rimshot]

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Carpe Canem!


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Jeff Raven
Always Right
Member # 20

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*collapses*

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"That is the exploration that awaits you: Not mapping the stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possiblities of existence." - Q, All Good Things...


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Diane
aka Tora Ziyal
Member # 53

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*LMAO*

Goodness...you don't know how much that joke reminds me of my history teacher...

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"A fellow's invented see-through film
He calls it 'cellophane!'
Another has built a parachute
For jumping out of an airplane!

Remarkable things flow endlessly
From out the human brain!
Indeed
And what a remarkable age this is!"
--Titanic: the Musical


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Jay the Obscure
Liker Of Jazz
Member # 19

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What are you trying to say Ziyal.

LOL

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My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.


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Charles Capps
We appreciate your concern.
It is noted and stupid.
Member # 9

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*doesn't get it*

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"Okay, so I'm not "SANE" so to speak, but uh... I'm the lovable kind of psycho"
http://solareclipse.net/


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
The First One
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed
Member # 35

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*isn't surprised*

Scone = bready doughy pastrylike thing that you eat with jam and cream, it's the classsic British teatime snack. It has to be baked, hence the reference tho the Baker. Instead of killing two birds with one sTone - an expression even you must have heard! - he used a sCone.

It's actually a rather nonsensical joke, since the only lethal or near-lethal application of a scone in combat that I can recall came as a result of a certain young lady dousing me with cold water during a garden party. . .

Damn. . . I could really go for a scone now, I miised breakfast again. 8)


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Orion Syndicate
He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!
Member # 25

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I got the joke - it's slightly funnier than the jokes that my housemate comes out with. And it also reminds me of a previous art teacher in school - What is it with teachers and their senses of humour?

I never buy scones for myself. Breakfast for me which is usually only on Saturdays and Sundays is a bowl of Cornflakes, some orange juice and some other crap that I rustle together. The only time I've ever eaten scones was in a hotel when they came as part of the breakfast package.

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"YOU SMEG!"



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Siegfried
Fullmetal Pompatus
Member # 29

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*grabs the drum set and bashes it over Baloo's head*

I'm the only one here who can make corny jokes like that!

Example: A group of cub scouts were out camping in the woods. The mosquitos were terrible and the scouts were being eaten alive. So they decided to go into their tents until night fell and the mosquitos went away. Sure enough, night fell, the mosquitos left, and a herd of fire flies flew in. A scout peered out of his tent and saw the fire flies. He immediately told the scout leader, "Don't look now, but the mosquitos are back and they brought flashlights!"

*bud-dum-thud*

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"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Yeah! Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me Maurice. Whoo hoo! 'Cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love!" - Steve Miller Band's The Joker


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Orion Syndicate
He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!
Member # 25

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Grabs the drum set from Baloo and smashes it onto Siegfried.

NO-ONE should be allowed to make jokes as corny as that.

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"YOU SMEG!"



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Siegfried
Fullmetal Pompatus
Member # 29

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Why's everybody always picking on me? Thanks to the Pompatus Wars, I've been clobbered, cremed, and had body parts amputated. Now I get bashed by a drum set. There must be a "Kick Me" sign hanging on my rear end.

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"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Yeah! Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me Maurice. Whoo hoo! 'Cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love!" - Steve Miller Band's The Joker


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Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33

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Here's mine:

A boy goes up to his grandmother and asks her to make a noise like a frog. She refuses. A few minutes later, he goes up to his grandma and asks her to make a noise like a frog. She again refuses. A few minutes later, the boy goes up to his grandma, and his grandma asks "Why do you want me to make a noise like a frog?" And the boy says "Cuz my dad said that when you croak, we can go to Disneyland!!!!!"

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I can resist anything.......
Except Temptation


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Diane
aka Tora Ziyal
Member # 53

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Here's one of the jokes that my last year's history teacher emailed me.

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even
when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath. He of course became known as a Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis!

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"A fellow's invented see-through film
He calls it 'cellophane!'
Another has built a parachute
For jumping out of an airplane!

Remarkable things flow endlessly
From out the human brain!
Indeed
And what a remarkable age this is!"
--Titanic: the Musical


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Elim Garak
Plain and simple
Member # 14

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I've heard Tahna Los's jokee way too many times.

Tora Ziyal's is very funny though!

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"Audaces fortuna juvat."
"Fortune favours the bold."


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Siegfried
Fullmetal Pompatus
Member # 29

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Keeping in with Tora Ziyal's joke, here's a song I heard on a comedy show once. I wish I could remember the comedian that wrote the song, though.

Super frantic unproductive nothing legislation,
Want to improve your congressman: provide some lubrication.
SNL's cannot complain of over-regulation.
You voters get what you deserve: great procrastination!
Super frantic unproductive nothing legislation!

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"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Yeah! Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me Maurice. Whoo hoo! 'Cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love!" - Steve Miller Band's The Joker


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Jeff Raven
Always Right
Member # 20

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Anyone ever hear of the professor shooing chess contestants out of a lobby, after they were making a lot of noise bragging about their victories? His reason was that he couldn't stand "Chess Nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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"That is the exploration that awaits you: Not mapping the stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possiblities of existence." - Q, All Good Things...


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
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