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[QUOTE]Originally posted by LOA: [QB] I need to talk about some of this, because if I don't, I'll drown in it. Finally, after years of living the most stressed out and chaotic life possible, things have calmed down. I'm working 2 jobs, but staying inancially secure. I'm still not healed from the car accident, but I can live a normal life. Family problems are not what they once were allowed to be, and frinds and people that hurt me are no longer a part of my life. But as my life calmed down, I because comfortable in that, and once the calmness was pulled from me, everything fell apart again....... I have a good friend Tim. Or maybe I sohuld say had... I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone else, and we shared more times together than most friends ever could. Through all the turmoil and angst we went through in life, we were there for eachother. When things were good, we supported eachother like no one else. Everything we did together was fun, meaningful, and fufilling. It truly was the best friendship I've ever had. But something happened, and now it's gone... It's been gone for a long time-- like since May, when it all started to fall apart. But we've been hanging on, though it's not been pleasant. I thought we'd be able to fix it though... we HAD to! Friendships like ours can't just disintegrate overnight like that! Or maybe they can. I lost Tim last night, and this time I lost him for good. And so I'm hurting. A lot. Because he's over here all the time hanging out with Lacey, but because of what has happened, I'm a stranger in my own house. I'm not welcome, so I may as well leave... and I did... last night at 4am I took off, and I haven't slept in over 36 hours now......... It just hurts to lose someone like this. And I have no one I can really talk to... we have too many mutual friends, and I don't want to put anyone in the middle. So I'm sitting here, hurting, trying not to cry, and knowing that somewhere along the way it all fell apart, and I wasn't even paying close enough attention to see it coming..... Maybe in the afterlife we'll be friends again, but maybe not..... maybe we weren't even destined to be friends to begin with..... but it was a great three years of my life, until it all ended......... thanks for letting me vent. I'll feel better after I get some sleep and after he goes back to school. TTYL. ~LOA [/QB][/QUOTE]
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