Flare Sci-Fi Forums: How to be a porn star in two easy steps

This is topic How to be a porn star in two easy steps in forum Officers' Lounge at Flare Sci-Fi Forums.

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Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

First, take the name of one of your pets, and that becomes your first name.
Then, take your middle name, and use it as your surname.

(I don't have a middle name, so I'll use my brothers).

My porn name is therefore Tina Kerrie.

Now all you have to do is grow an 80s pron moustache, and Bob is literally your agent.

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"Fool! I am Cher! Admired by millions for my couple of talents."
-The Brain

Posted by Xentrick (Member # 64) on :

Call me a prude, but I can't get hot at the idea of a porn star named Tina who has a moustache, or am I reading this wrong?

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

Liam? Tina Kerrie?

Too bad we don't do interrogation threads anymore (by order of the Capps) or else this could jump start a whole new set.

Liam, also keep in mind that you have to be, well, er, um, well-endowed to make it big (yes, I intended the pun).

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"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Yeah! Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me Maurice. Whoo hoo! 'Cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love!" - Steve Miller Band's The Joker

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

I always heard it as you use your mother's maiden name for the last name. But maybe we just do things differently in the States... *L*

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"They gave the ferret a teleprompter!"
-Louie the Lizard, Budweiser commercial

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

Hmmm...... Pepper Lynne ...

what do you guys think?

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No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned"

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

So, Peanut Carlyle reporting to stage 4 for, um, duty.

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For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius!

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

I last did this with the maiden name version, but here, for posterity, are both versions.

Smokey Stromme

Or...

Smokey Wales

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"And give me back my evil heart so I can see you as you are."
--
John Linnell

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Boy, it's a good thing I didn't go with my mother's dog Princess, isn't it?

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"And give me back my evil heart so I can see you as you are."
--
John Linnell

Posted by The First One (Member # 35) on :

No NO NO NO NO!!!

It's your mother's maiden name, not your middle name! And technically it has to be your FIRST pet ever.

Now ALL of you go away, and don't come back until you can do it properly!

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

I thought the mother's maiden name thing was for the cross dresser name. But what do I know.

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For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius!

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

I don't have a middle name. Too bad. Anyway, these are the simple steps to become a female pornstar

1 make sure you have big knockers

2 make sure you get implants to make them look even bigger.

3 shave

To be a male pornstar:

1 have 6 inches or more

2 grow a ponytail

3 eat lots of proteins

Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

Manfred Man Walker!

Manfred was the first pet I got to pick out. Dad wanted a hunting dog, and manfred looked like the worst choise, but Dad let me pick, I was about five, and manfred became a legend at jumping Rabits.

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WHO ARE YOU

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

ERr, yes.

Let's see.

My Middle name is "Allison"... that's out.
My first pet was a cat named "Mom"... that's out.
My only male dog's name is "General."
My mother's maiden name is "Hawker."

"General Hawker???"

Sounds like a name in a Leslie Nielsen movie.

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"When we turn our back on our principles, we stop being human." -- Janeway, "Equinox"

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

*Hhhhhhwwwwwwwwccccccck, Ptui!*

OTOH, "Mom Allison"? Hmmm... Might appeal to some fetishists, but it's not for me.

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--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

Snookums McCormick?

Hmmmmm...

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Berkoff: "He's threatening to kill me. What should I do?"
Michael: "Don't let him."
- La Femme Nikita

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Well, my dog's name is Max. Now, if that isn't a perfect name for a porn star, I don't know what is! *L*

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"Sometimes you really dig a girl the moment you kiss her,
And then you get distracted by her older sister..."
-The Lovin' Spoonful, "Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind?"

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

Oh dear. Mine would be Pookie Gassert. Somebody shoot me now!

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

Our oldest cat is named King. But I don't have a middle name to match it with, so I'll match it with our youngest cat's name, Rufus.

King Rufus? Sounds great! Now I should only lose some weight and porn business, here I come!

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

Depending on which system you use, I would be either:

Buster Charles

Schatzi Dover.

Ummm... I'll pass, thanks.

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"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--Benjamin Franklin
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Posted by Sunspot (Member # 77) on :

Drag Queen = First Street You Lived On + Mom's Maiden Name

Porn Star = First Pet + Middle Name

West Hakari and Spencer Joseph...

*shudder*

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Don't piss me off -- I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Posted by Saiyanman Benjita (Member # 122) on :

I don't think "Buttons Alexander" quite takes the cake, nor does "Sherman Farley" quite makes me into a Drag queen.

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All we are is dust in the wind, dude....
Dust, Wind, DUDE!!!

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

I think "lola" or even "lolita" makes a perfect drag queen name. Or "angelique"

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

Mechanic McCormick.

Errr....... NO.

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"Angels, answer me,
are you near if rain should fall?
Am I to believe
you will rise to calm the storm?
For so great a treasure words will never do.
Surely, if this is, promises are mine to give you.
mine to give........ "
~ Enya

Posted by Jaresh Inyo on :

I would have thought the two steps would have been

#1. Point camera at bed.
#2. Have sex on bed.

I could be wrong, though.

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Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift.
Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift.
Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

No, that's what it takes to be an average porn star. To be a good porn star you need:

MALE

1: muscles
2: pony tail
3: a big pound of meat
4: stamina
5: clipped toenails
6: a tattoo (indicates you're a real man)

Note: an ugly face is no problem, most of the time the camera is faced at your nether regions and your partner.

FEMALE

1: big breasts or implants
2: curly hair (artificial or otherwise) (I mean the hair on your head BTW, the other is already curly, which makes things easier)
3: an impossible body
4: nice fingernails
5: clipped toenails
6: good skin care (all those tissues afterwards tend to give you a rash)
7: a nice face (or at least, what the average non-educated guy thinks is a priddy face, so get out some makeup)

If I crossed the line somewhere, I'm sorry.