2. When you call IT support to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures and other assorted crap. We don't have a life so we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT support sends you an email with high importance, delete it immediately. We're just testing the public groups.
4. When a IT support engineer is eating his lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out - we only exist to serve.
5. When a IT support engineer is having a smoke in the smoking room, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who don't have access to email or a telephone
6. Send urgent email in UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a IT support engineer's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that tells you he's out of town for a week, record your message and wait exactly 24 hrs before you send an email to the managing director because no-one ever returned your call. You are, after all, entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call IT support. After all, there's electronics in it.
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message from home, call IT support - we can fix your line from the office
10. When something is wrong with your home PC, dump it on a IT support engineer's desk with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a challenge
11. When you have IT Support on the phone walking you through changing a setting, read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to do anything, we just love the sound of our own voices.
12. When we offer training on the new software package, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand once it's complete
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Everyone knows print jobs get sucked into black holes every now and then.
14. When the printer STILL won't print after 20 attempts, send the job to every other printer in the building. One of them is bound to work
15. Don't use online help - that is for wimps
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. We're grateful for any overtime we can get.
17. When you have IT support engineer fixing your PC at 2:15, eat your lunch in front of him. We function better when wracked with pangs of hunger
18. Don't EVER thank us - we're paid for doing this
19. When a IT support engineer asks you if you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's not our business what you've got on the PC
20. If a mouse cable keeps knocking down the picture of your loved one, lift the computer and trap the cable. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs of computer sitting on top of them
21. If the spacebar on your computer doesn't work, blame it on the exchange upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of biscuit crumbs and nail clippings in them
22. When you get a message asking "Are You Sure ?", click on that YES button as fast as possible. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it in the first place, would you ?
23. Feel free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind hearing our area of expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call IT support. Changing the cartridge is an extremely technical task and Hewlett Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a masters degree in Nuclear Physics
25. When something is the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the helpdesk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third-party who knows jack-shit about the problem
26. When you receive a 300 Mb AVI file, send it on to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got LOADS of disk space on the server
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Someone else may sneak a memo into the queue
28. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come on over the weekend and do his projects on your work PC. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6 makes your Access 95 disappear and riddles your PC with viruses
29. When you bring your own personal home PC in for repair in the office leave the documentation at home. Don't worry, we'll find all the settings and drivers on the Internet.
I work in the Training Management office at my squadron. Many of your complaints above have their counterparts in training.
For example:
We have no way of finding these things out, but its comforting to know you think I'm omniscient.
Surely I can find a way to get this class scheduled even if I have no idea who teaches it or what it's called in our computerized tracking system.
After all, I have to ensure everyone's been qualified on that subject, so I must know everything about it, right?
I can just make up some information about you and plug it into the computerized tracking system anyway. After all, I have nothing to do most of the time and am happy to change all the incorrect information later.
I know you're so busy that this was your only opportunity to tell me about it, and besides, I hardly ever get to use my Tardis. I love explaining to the Wing scheduler that we couldn't possibly have let them know far enough in advance to get someone into that class seat anyway.
Neither the instructor's time nor mine is nearly as important as these Airmen's dental hygeine.
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A well-intentioned fool can get into more trouble than any number of rapscallions.
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
[This message has been edited by Baloo (edited October 22, 1999).]
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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")