Flare Sci-Fi Forums: What do Cadbury Creame Eggs, Taco Bell, and flying pork have in common?

This is topic What do Cadbury Creame Eggs, Taco Bell, and flying pork have in common? in forum Officers' Lounge at Flare Sci-Fi Forums.

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Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

They're all in my latest NiftySource article!

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"Omega is right."
-Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

*without looking*

...They infringe upon our constitutional rights?

Nuts on me. Not literally. Ultra Magnus <> Smothered by the Man Train.

"A flawless speech by President George Bush"

...Could this be? A passage indicating a lack of seriously taken by you about yourself?

"I have a date tomorrow night."

Is this why? Is Omega lightfooted? Is this why the pigs are flying?

If I don't return for a while after this, I am dead. As I will have killed myself. Probably by eating a bag of hell. Omega getting more lady buttxx0r than me is insuperably intolerable. Although not entirely shocking. A block of cement could get more lady buttxx0r than me. Woe is this Blue Car Carrier. Woe is it, indeed. 'I cannot deal with that now.'

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"Instructed by history and reflection, Julian was persuaded that, if the diseases of the body may sometimes be cured by salutary violence, neither steel nor fire can eradicate the erroneous opinions of the mind."

-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.

[This message has been edited by Ultra Magnus (edited April 06, 2001).]

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

Omega has a date?

STOP THE PRESSES!!!

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"Or maybe he was a real quack who got sick and tired of pissing people off, and decided to get a life and masterbate for the next 10 years."
- Me to Antagonist on Red Quacker, 03/08/01 20:15

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

Apparently, hell has frozen over, George W. is giving flawless speeches, and pigs are flying b/c Omega has a date

I'm surprised, actually. It was a very well written and amusing article, and the punchline was delivered well.

Congrats on the date. Hope you get a kiss ...

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

New Sig.

I am currently taking bets on how far Omega's date will go. Any takers?

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"In a completely unrelated news story, I have a date tomorrow night."
- Omega, in trying to explain why pigs are flying, why Microsoft products are working perfectly, hell freezing over, and George W Bush giving a flawless speech. 04/06/01, 12:17AM

[This message has been edited by Tahna Los (edited April 06, 2001).]

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

I think out little boy will become a Man

Nah. Knowing Omega (but knowing his date), he'll probably make sure things go slow, which is something all teens should do. At most, some hand-holding, a kiss at the end of the date, and with any luck, a date for a second date.

[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited April 06, 2001).]

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

I got ten bucks on accidentally touches her hand, suffers agony of sinful temptation and lewd thoughts that have to be punished by much wearing of hairshirts and self-flagellation.

And I'll see you double or quits that she either a) decides he's weird as a result, or b) is of a like religious temperament and they have long and happy lives together. Your choice. 8)

Seriously though, I hope it goes OK. I'm assuming he must be fairly confident if he's even going to mention it here in advance. . .

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"Kif, I have made it with a woman! Inform the crew!"

- Zapp Brannigan

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

Do you accept Canadian dollars?

Maybe Omega will be a different person after his first date. It happens sometimes.....

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"In a completely unrelated news story, I have a date tomorrow night."
- Omega, in trying to explain why pigs are now flying, why Microsoft products are now working perfectly, hell freezing over, and George W Bush giving a flawless speech. 04/06/01, 12:17AM

Posted by Curry Monster (Member # 12) on :

Give the guy a break. Here's how I see it.

Options:

A) he is successful, in which case we all pat him on his cyber back and send him on his way

B) he fails miserably. In which case we mock him mercilessly, defrock him and hang him from the tallest tree in the forest. With a sign reading "jesus has a pimply posterior" hanging around his neck.

The tree must of course be cut down later....with this herring!

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Re: Russia in WWII

"Hey, we butchered Poles! Thats OK."
- DT.

Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :

Omega wears frocks?

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"For people with resources, the right events happen. They may look like coincidences, but they arise out of necessity." --T�rk Hviid

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

Flare has a forest?

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

Knowing Omega (but knowing his date), he'll probably make sure things go slow, which is something all teens should do.

Considering that her father's our preacher...

But really, I have no intention of kissing the girl until/unless (there has to be some english word that combines those two) I have some legitimate affection for her. I don't know her that well. Yet.

It was a very well written and amusing article, and the punchline was delivered well.

Thanks. I can be creative when I have a good idea. That just happens way too rarely.

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"Omega is right."
-Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

Well, as someone who's still newly engaged, and thusly has at least SOME reliable experience with humans of the feminine variety, let me offer some useful advice, starting by quoting from James T. Kirk in Star Trek VI...

"Don't believe them! Don't trust them!"

Women are evil. They want control of the situation, and they're willing to use every weapon in their arsenal (and their arsenal is VAST) to get that control. Tears, cajoling, ego-stroking, sudden changes of mind, more tears, sexual teasing, still more tears, threats... you name it.

Men, on the other hand... we go in for strict and straight bald-faced lying: "Yes, honey, you look great." "You gained weight? I couldn't tell." "No, you don't look fat in that." "I want to take it slowly, too." "I'll call you." "I want to get to KNOW a woman first." "I can change!"

It's a miracle that the species manages to reproduce AT ALL.

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The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching

Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :

Indeed...

"If you don't know why I am mad at you, I'm most definitely NOT going to explain."

I'd give you some advice on women... if I had any.

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"Cry havoc and let's slip the dogs of Evil"

Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :

It's...it's NiftySource.

Regarding dates, make sure to have the girl fully psychologically tested beforehand.

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Frank's Home Page
"There are also the diphthongs ae and oe, with no English counterparts; Tolkien actually suggests substituting ai and oi if you don't care about such details...but anyone reading this document probably does care about the details." - Sindarin information

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

Oh, come on. Where's the adventure in that?

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"Omega is right."
-Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

You're going on a date w/ the girl, and you won't even kiss her? Am I missing something? I have to say, there are a lot more women in this world that I would be willing to kiss than women I would be willing to date...

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"I write messages on money.
It's my own form of social protest.
A letter printed on paper that no one will destroy.
Passed indiscriminantly across race, class, and gender lines
and written in the blood that keeps the beast alive
A quiet little hijacking on the way to the checkout counter.
and a federal crime.
I hope that someone will find my message one day when they really need it.
Like I do."
-Rage against the Machine

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

On a similar note, there's a lot more women in the world that I'd be willing to fuck than I'd want to date.

I = crude.

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You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston."
-Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

At this point, I feel compelled to point out that I wasn't ACTUALLY going on a date with the girl. See, we were planning to get some work done on a church project and then have dinner (which would qualify as a date in my book, though not in hers, so it doesn't REALLY count). However, the rest of the group showed up, though they had said that they were busy. I simply made the suggestion Wednsday night, and it was close enough to asking her out that it reminded me to write this article, as I'd been promising Frank for several months.

On the plus side, we did discuss the general concept. She liked the idea of getting together some time, but not "as, like, a date", as she put it. Remember, I have no real romantic designs on the girl. Just wanted to get to know her better.

Sorry to disillusion you all.

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"Omega is right."
-Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

Still, for those of you at home keeping score, that = 1 intentional social interaction with a female for Omega.

Good work, Lad.

-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.

[This message has been edited by Ultra Magnus (edited April 07, 2001).]

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Well, it isn't a date, they have no romantic interest in each other, and she's another Jesusfreak. So, really, it's no surprise, is it?

At least I don't have to worry about cleaning pig feces off the roof of my car.

Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :

<below the belt>
So when Omega was talking about flying pork, he was referring to his, um, response to being on this pseudo-date?
</below the belt>

By the way, Omega, thanks a million for the new .sig quote.

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"I can be creative when I have a good idea. That just happens way too rarely."
-Omega, April 6

[This message has been edited by The_Tom (edited April 07, 2001).]

Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :

That... was nasty.

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"Cry havoc and let's slip the dogs of Evil"

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

Thread...out of danger?

Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :

Yes... you... you saved us all!

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"Cry havoc and let's slip the dogs of Evil"

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

I wonder: do I now hold the record for being quoted by the most people in their .sigs simultaneously? That's Jeff, Tom, and Tahna...

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"Omega is right."
-Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM

[This message has been edited by Omega (edited April 07, 2001).]

Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :

Omega: oh, I'd say so.

Watch for The Quotable Omega coming soon to a bookstore near you! 196 pages of words of wisdom from our very own Archconservative little'un.

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"I can be creative when I have a good idea. That just happens way too rarely."
-Omega, April 6

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Words, yes. Wisdom...? Well...

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"Although, from what I understand, having travelled around the Mid-west quite a bit, apparently Jesus is coming, so I guess the choice now is we should decide whether we should spit or swallow."
-Maynard James Keenan

Posted by Teelie (Member # 280) on :

That's why it was so chilly here the other night...

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I knew a blonde that was so stupid that she studied for a blood test.

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

So? You get laid, or what?

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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 8.32 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with seven eps posted)
***
"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
***
"I think this reason why girls don't do well on multiple choice tests goes all the way back to the Bible, all the way back to Genesis, Adam and Eve. God said, 'All right, Eve, multiple choice or multiple orgasms, what's it going to be?' We all know what was chosen" - Rush Limbaugh, Feb. 23, 1994.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

If he did, I think he would've told us even without us asking

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

You know, not everyone has an overwhelming need to announce to a bunch of people that they have never met that they, indeed, have just had the sex.

BTW, I've only just read the article. It was actually quite nicely written. I feel I should compliment Omega on it. Well done. *pats him hesitantly on the back*. There there.

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

Well, I wanna know how the date went. I know Omega didn't have sex (because he's made it clear he's not getting any till he gets married), but I wanna know if he's going out with her again, how it went, etc ...

Our little Omiechops is growing up

Besides, Vogon doesn't have any problem talking about his sex life =)

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Yes. And I would like to take this opportunity to remind Voggy how much he loved it when Charles would go on about it. *cough*

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

You're joking right? Does he actually plan on staying, a virgin untill the day he's married?
Well only one comment to that, if you think there will be a woman that will hold it as long as you, you got another thing coming

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

There are some girls who wait til' marriage. My sister among them. It really makes it easy on me -- I don't have to beat the living daylights out of anyone.

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

/begin pedantic English major mode/

It's 'another THINK coming.'

If you THINK this, you've got another THINK coming.
Because the first THINK is no good.
Get it?

/exit pedantic English Major mode/

Anyway, if he did or didn't it's his own business.
Looking back on it, Knowing what I know now, I'd have waited longer than I did. Could've saved myself a lot of heartache that way. But I wouldn't have waited till I was as old as I am now.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Yeah. I'm glad my sister's 14 years older than me. Although it did mean that she had sex before me. Damn her.

Infinity, where do you live that you've never heard of someone staying, a virgin until they get married? It's a semi-common thing in some religions. Catholicism, for example. Of course, the number of people who follow it here in the UK numbers about...ooh...one; and he gets his pleasure out of the dog. It's a bit more common in the US though. The virgin thing. Not the dog thing. Maybe. I don't have accurate figures for the number of Yanks who ride the dog train.

[This message has been edited by PsyLiam (edited April 17, 2001).]

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

I'd like to point out that references to my sex life are done in a strictly postmodern, ironic sort of way. All you need to know is: I have a girlfriend. We sleep together. We're not married, and we're not gonna get married. And when I say "I had sex on the tumble-dryer last night" I might be telling the truth. Or I might not. 8)

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"It strikes me that there are enough episodes of the Simpsons that people could speak entirely in Simpsonese, using references from the show to explain or describe an endless series of situations. Nelson and Apu . . . at Tinagra.

But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."

- James Lileks, 09/04/2001

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

Well only one comment to that, if you think there will be a woman that will hold it as long as you, you got another thing coming

I've been dating my GF for 3 1/2 years.

And she has made it clear that she won't have sex before marriage.

And I've honoured her request for the last 3 1/2 years.

3 1/2 years.

No sex.

My friends are going bonkers trying figure this out and they say stuff like:

"You've been going out with her for 3 1/2 years and STILL you haven't been laid?"

"She's forcing you to be a virgin for the rest of your life"

"You've been dating for the longest period of time and I've had more sex than you have!!!!"

"Are you sure she's not a man?"

"Are you sure she even exists? Anybody would be nuts to be in a relationship without sex."

And so on. But I don't care. Really.

If Omega decides not to have sex before he is married, then he is doing a good thing. Girls like that. Girls would prefer a guy who would wait until marriage than a guy who would prod her into having sex.

Omega is on the right track. And good for him.

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

I'm constitutionally obliged to draw notice to the simultaneous occurrence of the phrases "prod her" and "having sex" in the same sentence. . . 8)

But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."

- James Lileks, 09/04/2001

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

I live in Canada, I grew up in Macedonia. Most of the girls above grade 11 have had sex, and a good chunk of girls in or before grade 11 have done it, infact a friend of mine, she had sex in grade 8, so yeah, that's pretty much it.

If my girlfriend decided she wants to stay a virgin untill we get married I would be greatly dissapointed, but I probably wouldn't leave her. I appreciate her too much, so I would never pressure her into it, but I'd still feel really bad about myself, because I do not plan on getting married untill I'm atleast 28 and I don't plan on staying a virgin past the age of 17, I have left myself a little more than a year to accomplish this, and I don't see how after a year in a relationship my girlfriend would feel that she's not ready.

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

Life's too short to wait for the perfect moment. You create perfect moments.

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Don't kill me, I'm charming!

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

"Girls would prefer a guy who would wait until marriage than a guy who would prod her into having sex."

Because heaven forbid that a girl would want to have sex. It is such a trial for them, after all.

You get girls who love having casual sex, and you get girls who consider it a precious gift. Just like men.

Although, over here at least, most men (and women) consider sex to be a precious gift that they'd like to do as often as possible. With the female cast of Friends. All at one.

Unless the footie's on.

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

You're kidding right? Omega's actually a person, and is entitled to be able to live the way he wants? Yeah, right.

I like the fact infinty has 'a plan' to lose his virginity before 17. Nice combination of 'American Pie' and any other teenage shit movie. Plus, it helps that him and his girlfriend have 'a one in a quadrillion thing'. That's a bonus.

"I have left myself a little more than a year to accomplish this"

It's so much more special when viewed as a task or an objective.

"I don't see how after a year in a relationship my girlfriend would feel that she's not ready."

Well, seeing as how you're 'one in a googleplex', she shouldn't. Let's hope her individuality and thought process has been phased out.

Score. Pendatic.

-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.

[This message has been edited by Ultra Magnus (edited April 18, 2001).]

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

Look, just cuz you have probably lived a miserable life losing your virginity at 33 like Paul on Spin City, it doesn't mean that you get to take it out on me. I really have no appreciation for your smart-ass comments and yet you constantly make them. I don't know if you get yourself off by belittling others, but you're not gonna do it to me anymore, understand?

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

I don't think UM's much older than you.

Although he does seem to get off belittling others, I think he's just pointing out what he sees to be flaws in people's thinking.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

He gets away with it for the same reason that Lee gets away with it. He's funny.

I don't think he "gets off" on belittling others. I just think he doesn't really worry about offending people over silly little things.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Hmm. I'm getting a strange sense of Deja Vu.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

I have informed him a number of times that I do not appreciate such comments, and I have always tried not to offend others. It could be that it's just the way he is, or that he is really out to make my time here a living hell.

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

You know, if someone at a UBB is making your life hell, mayhaps it's time to get a grip? I mean, c'mon, don't let it get to you.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

No, not my life, just my time at flare, I still have fun outside

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

Well, that's good.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Indeed. Still, a "living hell"? Not exagerating a teeny, tiny bit, are we? If Hell is Ultra Magnus being a bit snippy, then the devil's really not trying much anymore.

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

UM's not out to get you. He's out to get everyone. You just happen to make a convenient target. :-)

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

Liam:

It was actually quite nicely written. I feel I should compliment Omega on it. Well done.

Thanks.

JK:

Well, I wanna know how the date went.

Haven't gotten around to it, yet. Had a big convention last weekend involving afore-mentioned project. (We won first place for our puppet show this year, if anyone cares. This DOES NOT happen to our group. I find it rather cool, because I compiled and burned the sound effects, and wrote half the script. ) Might get around to it Sunday. She actually told her cousin Seth, who's a friend of mine, that I asked her out, so it apparently made some impression on her.

i11:

Does he actually plan on staying, a virgin untill the day he's married?

Yup.

if you think there will be a woman that will hold it as long as you, you got another thing coming

You don't know the girls I know. Although this particular girl was once told (presumably by someone who didn't know her dad's occupation) that preachers' daughters are always the first to have sex. Open mouth, insert foot.

Honestly, I could go without KISSING the girl until the wedding, if she was so inclined (and there are such people; I'm not one of them, though, and I don't think I know any). I'm in a relationship for the relationship, not the fringe benefits. For me, one-on-one human interaction is the ultimate entertainment. It's the only thing I really enjoy. Everything else is just diversion.

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"Omega is right."
-Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

That was very nicely put, Omega.

-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Omega: Unless you have absolutely no testosterone in your body whatsoever, that will eventually become easier said than done. :-)