Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Whoa Mama!!!!! (parental discretion advised)

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Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

I ran into this article in a commuter newspaper. Yes, a commuter newspaper that about 500,000 commuters (men women, and teenagers) read every day. They don't have an internet site right now so I decided to write it out here.

Despite all this, I understand that the material here may be somewhat, um, unsuitable, and may be offensive. So you have been warned.

Selling sex toys is just another job

By Jay Godek
Thursday April 26, 2001.

Recently, my colleagues held an intervention for me. No, I'm not an alcoholic. Some people thought I just needed to tell my story, so here it goes.

My name is Jay, and my mom sells dildos for a living.

Not just dildos, mind you. Dildos are plain, even ordinary: these are sex toys. Some of these sex toys can run upwards of $100. She also sells Lingerie, sexual board games, books, phallic shaped pasta, you name it. She works for a larger company and does shows - or parties, as they're usually called - that are like Tupperware parties, only hornier.

Okay, here come the jokes. Does she do home demonstrations? No. Does she try out all the new merchandise when it comes in? No. I've heard them all. Usually, when people find out that my mom sells dildos, I get shocked silence rather than a volley of laughter. It takes a few minutes before the jokes roll in. You know what? It doesn't bother me at all.

Despite what some people might think, being the son of a dildo saleswoman doesn't mean that my living room looks like a burlesque house. We don't have any strange lighting, or fur rugs in the gouse. The only things that might look out of place are the two lingerie bags on their rack with some Rubbermaid tubs underneath where the "products" are stored, all which are completely opaque.

Four or five nights a week, my brother and I help her load up the van. Occasionally, one of the tubs starts vibrating, but we're used to it now. When she comes home, we talk about the party. How much did you sell tonight, mom? Sell any dolphins tonight, mom?

It doesn't bother me anymore, though it did surprise me at first. I mean, my mom was raised in a very Christian family, and even went to Bible college. Her job before this was in food preparation so, of course, I didn't see this at the next step.

One night, she went to a party with some friends, and became immediately interested in being a representative. A few weeks of training later, she was building her own customer base and doing shows all week.

That was about 4 years ago, and she hasn't looked back since. The whole thing was a little awkward at first, since I was at high school at the time. Just imagine having your mom calling all of your friend's moms asking if they would like to host a party. Now, though, I ask my friends if they want to have their own parties. I've even been to a party.

That might seem weird to some people, sitting there with a bunch of people listening to your mother talk about orgasms and clitorises and other un-mom-like things. Now that I've been through that ordeal, nothing bothers me. When the new products come out, it's like a show-and-tell. I know all the products, from the Mini-mite to the Beaded Dolphin. What are those, you ask? The Mini-mite is a small but a powerful toy mainly for clitoral stimulation. The Beaded Dolphin is the Rolls Royce of vibrators. A rotating head, a middle full of beads in gel that vibrate individually, a number of speed settings with flashy lights, and a vibrating dolphin sitting on the top to stimulate the clitoris. Isn't it scary how much I know about that stuff?

Despite all this however, I think I turned out fairly normal. How many other kids, when they were teenagers, had their mothers giving them flavoured condoms before they went out on a date? So what? My mother as a slightly odd job. She's helping people live their lives. She's rebuilding healthy marriages.

I can say it loud and proud.

My name is Jay, and my mom sells dildos for a living.

Jay Godek is a Sheridan College Journalism Graduate

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"In a completely unrelated news story, I have a date tomorrow night."
- Omega, in trying to explain why pigs are now flying, why Microsoft products are now working perfectly, hell freezing over, and George W Bush giving a flawless speech. 04/06/01, 12:17AM

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

It's completely amoral and disgusting, and contributing to the decay of our society. No-one should ever go to Bible college.

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You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston."
-Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park

Posted by USS Vanguard (Member # 130) on :

I don't know about anyone else, but this is the funniest thing i've ever read. ROCK ON DILDO SALESWOMAN'S SON!!!!!

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Signatures are for losers

Posted by MIB on :

AHHHHHH! You warped my already VERY warped 16 year old mind! hehe

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"We have to get drunk immediately."----Gattaca

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

*Wonders if they're gonna have a sale on 6 inch. dildos soon*

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

I see nothing wrong with that, but then again I'm also glad it's not me in his place, my mom works as a Senior Estimator for one of the largest construction companies on the planet, and has worked on things such as the CN tower, SkyDome, etc..

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

Tahna, aren't you being a bit too precautious? This was a good article. We have the "tupperware"-parties in Scandinavia as well.
"Unsuitable"? "OFFENSIVE"? Parental discretion be damned, I always say! It's our world now, hahaaaah!!!

Psyliam: Slam_dunk.co.uk

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Don't kill me, I'm charming!

Posted by Teelie (Member # 280) on :

I have a friend who's sister actually does those parties. Mainly she has these parties at Army base housing. I wonder why.

�

[This message has been edited by TLE (edited April 28, 2001).]

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Some of you may be familiar with it already, but Word.com has a series called Work that chronicles the daily nine-to-fives of many people, with jobs both mundane and eccentric. Unfortunately, it's somewhat hampered by an interface that tends to be too avant-garde for its own good. Still, it's worth checking out.

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OH NO< THE OLD MAN WALKS HIS GREEN DOG THAT SHOTS PINBALLS!~!!!
--
Jeff K
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet" and nothing at all will happen.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

"Unfortunately, it's somewhat hampered by an interface that tends to be too avant-garde for its own good."

You know, I get the feeling that could almost describe Sol. Especially around the ladies.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

My latest succes on Earth 2025

Your brigade returns from battle, having defeated Redneck with an attitude (#91)!
Your army lost 9644 Troops, and your enemy lost 6129 Troops.
Your army overran 314 civilians and captured 0 bushels of food!

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by USS Vanguard (Member # 130) on :

Well now, that was random.

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Signatures are for losers

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Now, I could pretend that he was going to suppossed to put that in the StarCraft thread. But that'd be too easy. So instead, I'll assume that he was so overwhelmed by my Incredible parallel to Simon (I = The Ace Man), that his brain melted. Yes.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

I tried to copy and paste something off of the site, but instead it posted my latest attack, so i decided to write about that instead.

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"Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"

-Nimrod 16/4/2001

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

w007! w007!

Dildos, Sol's Penis AND completely useless random Terran Domination! CAN THIS THREAD GET ANY BETTER?

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"...he got a mind control car from a great menace named Euri and they began conquest! THE RED MENANCE~ so yuo have too fight back and destroy teh RED TIDE before it destroys the AMERICAN!!! PS: The russiens also took over Texas and thats good becuase Texans need to have robots with missales shoved up there butts anyways (texans are the worst evar)."

-JEFF K.

Posted by LOA (Member # 49) on :

Adam, one of my favorite gay boys, works at Castle Megastore which is the biggest porn store here in Spokane (Trust me, it's HUGE....!) Anyhoo, though it's a job I'D never want to have, he enjoys it, and lots of funny things come from it. *grin* Also, the discount he gets is quite nice. I got myself a Drag Queen Ken dool last week for less than a REAL Barbie would cost... I'm having a cake made with it.

~LOA

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"Apprently, "pooty" involves deities and pretty girls in compromising positions..." ~TSN Jan. 18th, 2001

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

Y'know, I don't think I could ever work up the nerve to go into a store like that. Unless you count "Spencers".

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

I wouldn't go in one, just because I wouldn't want to accidentally come into contact w/ the people who usually go there... *L*

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"Although, from what I understand, having travelled around the Mid-west quite a bit, apparently Jesus is coming, so I guess the choice now is we should decide whether we should spit or swallow."
-Maynard James Keenan

Posted by LOA (Member # 49) on :

It's not that scary...

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"Apprently, "pooty" involves deities and pretty girls in compromising positions..." ~TSN Jan. 18th, 2001

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

I think it'd be fun to go an erotique shop with a girl, kind of shows how open you can be in a relationship. Maybe learn something about eachother.

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Don't kill me, I'm charming!

Posted by MaGiC (Member # 59) on :

Nimrod, believe me, sex toy shopping with a partner of either gender is highly overrated, you always end up going back alone to pick up the toys you don't want to share.....

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never rub another man's rhubarb! - The Joker

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Nimrod: Yeah, but... if you want "erotic", who needs a shop?! *L*

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

MaGiC: Hmm... Well, the fact that you said that gives me hope.

Tussen: "In fact, forget the shop!!!"

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Don't kill me, I'm charming!

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

*thinks*

Erotic...shop...

Erotic shop! My, we could make MILLIONS!

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Would that be a shop that's got all it's cleavege showing, and is licking a lolly, or something?