I ran into this article in a commuter newspaper. Yes, a commuter newspaper that about 500,000 commuters (men women, and teenagers) read every day. They don't have an internet site right now so I decided to write it out here. Despite all this, I understand that the material here may be somewhat, um, unsuitable, and may be offensive. So you have been warned.
Selling sex toys is just another job
By Jay Godek
Thursday April 26, 2001.
Recently, my colleagues held an intervention for me. No, I'm not an alcoholic. Some people thought I just needed to tell my story, so here it goes.
My name is Jay, and my mom sells dildos for a living.
Not just dildos, mind you. Dildos are plain, even ordinary: these are sex toys. Some of these sex toys can run upwards of $100. She also sells Lingerie, sexual board games, books, phallic shaped pasta, you name it. She works for a larger company and does shows - or parties, as they're usually called - that are like Tupperware parties, only hornier.
Okay, here come the jokes. Does she do home demonstrations? No. Does she try out all the new merchandise when it comes in? No. I've heard them all. Usually, when people find out that my mom sells dildos, I get shocked silence rather than a volley of laughter. It takes a few minutes before the jokes roll in. You know what? It doesn't bother me at all.
Despite what some people might think, being the son of a dildo saleswoman doesn't mean that my living room looks like a burlesque house. We don't have any strange lighting, or fur rugs in the gouse. The only things that might look out of place are the two lingerie bags on their rack with some Rubbermaid tubs underneath where the "products" are stored, all which are completely opaque.
Four or five nights a week, my brother and I help her load up the van. Occasionally, one of the tubs starts vibrating, but we're used to it now. When she comes home, we talk about the party. How much did you sell tonight, mom? Sell any dolphins tonight, mom?
It doesn't bother me anymore, though it did surprise me at first. I mean, my mom was raised in a very Christian family, and even went to Bible college. Her job before this was in food preparation so, of course, I didn't see this at the next step.
One night, she went to a party with some friends, and became immediately interested in being a representative. A few weeks of training later, she was building her own customer base and doing shows all week.
That was about 4 years ago, and she hasn't looked back since. The whole thing was a little awkward at first, since I was at high school at the time. Just imagine having your mom calling all of your friend's moms asking if they would like to host a party. Now, though, I ask my friends if they want to have their own parties. I've even been to a party.
That might seem weird to some people, sitting there with a bunch of people listening to your mother talk about orgasms and clitorises and other un-mom-like things. Now that I've been through that ordeal, nothing bothers me. When the new products come out, it's like a show-and-tell. I know all the products, from the Mini-mite to the Beaded Dolphin. What are those, you ask? The Mini-mite is a small but a powerful toy mainly for clitoral stimulation. The Beaded Dolphin is the Rolls Royce of vibrators. A rotating head, a middle full of beads in gel that vibrate individually, a number of speed settings with flashy lights, and a vibrating dolphin sitting on the top to stimulate the clitoris. Isn't it scary how much I know about that stuff?
Despite all this however, I think I turned out fairly normal. How many other kids, when they were teenagers, had their mothers giving them flavoured condoms before they went out on a date? So what? My mother as a slightly odd job. She's helping people live their lives. She's rebuilding healthy marriages.
I can say it loud and proud.
My name is Jay, and my mom sells dildos for a living.
Jay Godek is a Sheridan College Journalism Graduate
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"In a completely unrelated news story, I have a date tomorrow night."
- Omega, in trying to explain why pigs are now flying, why Microsoft products are now working perfectly, hell freezing over, and George W Bush giving a flawless speech. 04/06/01, 12:17AM
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