Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Werd.

This is topic Werd. in forum Officers' Lounge at Flare Sci-Fi Forums.

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Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This one's to allllllll the ladies. You are all special to me, in your individual freaky deeky way. Ungh.

By Smoove B
Love Man

Girl, if you have any question in your mind as to whether I can satisfy you, bring your body to me now.

Smoove B will satisfy you.

Bring it on to me, and I will love you like nobody can. I will sex you like nobody can. I will freak you like nobody can.

I am ready for you now.

Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire.

I will hit you doggy-style.

All you have to do is tell me what to do and when to stop. And I promise, you will not want it to stop until the break of dawn.
Bring your body to me now, and I will show you a night of love that you have never known. I will take you to a level that no lover could ever take you. We will be in the atmosphere. I will take you higher and higher, to heaven and even further. We will be love astronauts, colonizing other planets with our passion. We will bump to Jupiter. Grind to Pluto.

Damn.

The next morning, I will cook breakfast for you. I will fry up several eggs, each in a different style for you to choose from. There will be scrambled eggs, fried eggs, boiled eggs, baked eggs and even egg sandwiches. There will be a smorgasbord of taste sensations for your tender lips to enjoy.
I will then pick a beautiful red rose from outside the bedroom window and put it in an elegant glass vase upon your food tray. The tray will be only the finest food tray from the far reaches of the earth.

I will also serve cereal.

Aw, please, girl. Bring your sugar to me, and I will show you that my back is strong. You will ride me all day and all night and will never want to stop.
Baby, I want your brown sugar right now. Freak me on my desk right this second. Give it up to Smoove B. Take a ride on his Caravan of Love.
I am the man of your dreams and desires. I will satisfy you, if only you would allow me the pleasure. I will swear on my honor as a man that I will do you right until the morning light. I will fulfill your every wish. And I will use oils if necessary.

So, in conclusion, let me summarize by saying that I will drape you in silk and hit you doggy-style, then I will feed you eggs of every kind and variety, and my back is strong.

Bring it on.

Posted by USS Vanguard (Member # 130) on :

The onion once again.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

I never read anything longer than a small paragraph. It's usually a waste of reading skills.
I did read the first part, it seemes odd, it's as though you've decided to be a gigollo. Well, good luck with your new job.
And will someone please tell me what they think of my sig.

Posted by USS Vanguard (Member # 130) on :

There's a editorial on the Onion that's by "Smoove B", i'm guessing that's where its from, unless Shik wrote one in the same style.

as for your signature, meh, its kinda creepy.

[ June 22, 2001: Message edited by: USS Vanguard ]

Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :

Yeah, we thought it was from the Onion...weren't sure, though.

"I never read anything longer than a small paragraph. It's usually a waste of reading skills."

OK, that calls for final judgment. YOU, sir.....are an ASS GNOME. That's right. AAAASSS GNNNNOOOOMMMME! And no one gives a rat's ass about your sig. Besides, Jennifer Lopez is fucking dogmeat.

[ June 22, 2001: Message edited by: Shik ]

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

Why am I an ass-gnome?
That is friggin' mean!
What the hell did I do to you? Just cuz I didn't feel like reading a huge post that you probably copied and pasted anyway?
I'm sorry, but you are the ass-gnome here.
And what the hell is an ass-gnome anyways? That is like the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :

I believe....
he's referring to....
your apparent lack of...
intelligence, or attention...
span.

There. Have I made the sentances short enough to grab you?

Oh come on, Infinity, take it like a man. We all shit on eachother at some point in these forums. It happens.

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

Um, no one is allowed to take a dump on me. Unless I know you very very well and provide me with lots of Dr Pepper. In that case, we'll talk about it.

Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :

Ha! Jubes sounds like Stevie Kanarbin from "Malcolm In The Middle!"

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

I have only just started watching that, so I don't get what you mean.

Besides, I am too busy pooing on Seiggy from a great height.

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Ooh, the most entertaining thread ever.

Everyone will shut up now.

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

All right, Liam. I better be getting about 3,141,592 12-packs of Dr Pepper by UPS or FedEx this week, buddy.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Ha! I live in the UK. The Doctor Pepper cans are being delivered by good, old fashioned pidgeon. One at a time.

Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :

Aren't you taking a risk that the pidgeons will shit on him too while delivering the cans, or is that your intention?

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

Birdy, birdy, in the sky
dropped a present in my eye.
I won't worry; I won't cry.
I'm just glad a cow can't fly.

We chanted the oddest stuff in elementary school.