It was a Frank Black show in San Jose. She was tall. I like tall. She's a brunette and exceptionally sultry. I think something in me broke. I went up to try to talk to her while she was buying a drink, and like froze. She was not just tall, but really tall. No I mean like six feet three inches tall. Did I mention: drop dead gorgeous? Like a model, but smart enough to like Frank Black. Could not speak. Near the end of the show I summoned all my courage to try to get her a drink. I talked her into a water. When I came back from the bar, I handed it to her. She thanked me and smiled. Her smile destroyed me. I was a broken little boy. I ran away. I am such a coward. I panicked. I had no idea women this beautiful even existed until I saw her. I want to cry now. I'm in the process of running a personal ad in the Crossed Signals section of the paper. It hurts.
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Ouch. Bummer.
Posted by Nim Pim (Member # 205) on :
I have the same thing, except with a girl at work. She sometimes wears brown lenses and I die everytime I see her. I managed to give her a compliment aboot that today, at least. Gave me an endorphin kick, the brain rewards you for lokking upon a beautiful face. Has to be up front, tho, doesn't work in profile.
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
Did you just say aboot?
Posted by Supreme Chancellor Ultra von Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Hm. Aboot. *Ponders*
BX: I suppose you could do some kidnapping, and hope that Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.
Posted by David Templar (Member # 580) on :
quote:Originally posted by Supreme Chancellor Ultra von Magnus: Hm. Aboot. *Ponders*
BX: I suppose you could do some kidnapping, and hope that Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.
Hmm... Why can't you people just ask like normal folks? "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" works so much better than "come with me if you want to live." Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Matt: He also said "lokking". Almost makes the post look like it's evolving into some sort of mock-Dutch...
Balaam: You ran away? As in, you actually turned tail and fled at high velocity? That must have seemed... odd...
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
As I recall, "Come with me if you want to live" worked quite well for Kyle Reese...
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
Yeah, but look what Kyle Reese got out of it. Death and an annoying brat son.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Yeah, yeah, women, etc.
Frank Black rocks!
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Sol: Frank Black does indeed rock. The Usual is a comparatively small venue (though, not as small as the High-School Multi-Use Room I saw him at last year) He put on a very excellent show, and in a way, I wish I hadn't been so distracted.
UM: It wasn't like that. It wasn't like she gave me a boner that wouldn't go away and I needed to possess her and do horrible wonderful things to her magnificent and enormous body. It was like a lightning bolt and I needed to do something, anything, but couldn't. Deer in the headlights.
David: Great advice, unless of course, your body goes into instant paralysis/convulsions and feel as though your tongue is approximately the size of a cantelope. I couldn't have said "Come with me if you want to live", if I'd wanted to. Brain-locked. It was bad.
TSN: Not quite a sprint, kind of a "Verbal" hobbling shuffle. Frank was playing the last song of his set (something I'd never heard before). I was going to try to talk to her again after, but chickened out because she was obviously busy talking to another (tiny tiny) man. You see, when he played Where Is My Mind? I could have been cool. I was in my movie. I was smooth. I was in control and could have talked intelligently on any number of subjects. Alas, she was out smoking (gack!) for the duration of that song. (Who can stay outside smoking when the lead singer of the Pixies is doing a spellbinding rendition of a death-rock classic?) Anyway, as described above, it was trainwreck city when I tried to summon that same cool one song later.
I should mention that this isn't the sort of thing that happens to me. I'm usually very calm cool and collected. I used to play bari-sax in a local art-rock band and go out onto a stage a couple nights a week and no problems like this ever. Last night was just panic. I could actually feel my kidneys straining as the adrenal content of my bloodstream set my nervous system on fire. Cool wasn't even within the realm of possibility. Bizzare.
Incidentally, here's my pathetic attempt to recoup the moment as submitted to the SJ Metro Crossed Signals personal ads:
Frank Black FanThe Usual. I've never set eyes upon a beauty to rival yours. Bought you water but was too transfixed to speak. Perhaps a different setting?
I'm not optimistic about the outcome, but she is quite literally the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I have to do something now that I have somewhat recovered (body is still on high alert and I've been TOTALLY distracted all day.) I want to scream. I want to dedicate Gigantic to her from now until forever. I want to at least know her name. Pathetic, I know.
[ March 15, 2002, 15:29: Message edited by: Balaam Xumucane ]
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
I know all about this paralysis thing. It gets really annoying. Being shy around the fairer sex sucks balls.
Posted by Ultra Taco Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Being shy around the fairer sex sucks balls.
My God. Nothing anyone can respond to this can do this justice. Moses is envious of the opening this has created.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Being shy around the fairer sex sucks balls."
Or results in the distinct lack thereof...
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
The last couple of posts: LOL!
BX: she smokes... ewwwwww!
Posted by Nim Pim (Member # 205) on :
Ultra Spagnum Fiompa: FYI, Dolph Lundgren is the Stockholm Syndrome. Were you perhaps thinking of the Helsinki Syndrome? I haven't held a woman hostage in years...
Did I say aboot? Oh my, I didn't mean to. :-) The "lokking" was accident, though.
Posted by David Templar (Member # 580) on :
quote:Originally posted by AndrewR: The last couple of posts: LOL!
BX: she smokes... ewwwwww!
Now now, some people actually do enjoy wasting themselves, it's our duty to let them.
Seriously though, BX, did you at least hobble away cutely? You know, there's a big difference between the hobble of a bunny rabbit and the Hunchback of Notredame.
Posted by Ultra Taco Magnus (Member # 239) on :
OK, spagnum/sphagnum is potting soil, no? I'm unable to get a read on Fiompa, though. There's not enough stough on the internet to learn about it.
No, I was right. Dolph is not the only thing that gets crazy people in a tizzy from Sweden.
[ March 16, 2002, 16:04: Message edited by: Ultra Taco Magnus ]
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
DT: I'm 6'5"/ 290, I'm afraid my cute lil' bunny impression is pretty bad.
The smoking thing does bother me. But we are talking about the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Realities like mouth-taste and league-appropriateness had no place in this.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
Smokers are oral fixators. One should date smokers exclusively.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Balaam: Well, erm... at least your priorities are straight... Um... Yeah.
Shik: Wouldn't it be better to find someone orally fixated who doesn't have an outlet for it already?
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
Yes, but you can then provide a healthy & arguable tastier outlet for their cravings that doesn't do as much damage to their bodies.
It's all about helping the little people, y'see.
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
Aw, Shik you are a saint, just like Mother Theresa your are. So selfless in your need to help others.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote: Yes, but you can then provide a healthy & arguable tastier outlet for their cravings
Shik: I'm no expert on either - but you must have some 'experience' to compare and contrast Maybe Michael T would know!?! Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Ha. I rule. Posted by Nim Pim (Member # 205) on :
Shik: "that doesn't do as much damage to their bodies."
That can be very subjective. *bam bam bam*
Ultra: That was indeed soil, very good detectivework. I saw the term on a sack ten years ago and thought ".44 Spagnum"?
Fiompa OTOH was custom-made pseudoswedish for you alone, dear friend. Example: "I'll fiomp you 'round the Moons of Turnipia and fiomp you down the toilet maelstrom and then let you go because I get tired of fiomping."
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
That's "sphagnum," fool. And show me medical evidence where it says swallowing cum can be hazardous to your health. Aside from, say, AIDS. Which isn't hazardous if you have it already. Or have a death wish. Or ar a crank-shootin' ho'.
Posted by Nim Pim (Member # 205) on :
It's spelled differently in different places, arrogant dumbass. And by the way, how you find motivation, time and energy to correct me about spelling gardening-paraphernalia I find very amusing.
My earlier joke seem to have passed right over your pretty little head at that too. Giving heads can be physically hazardous to a girl if the guy bangs her head against the wall with his dick in many powerful thrusts, like I tried to convey to those with a little imagination. Comprehende? Kiss kiss.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Giving heads..."
Wow. Where can I get that? I've never had it in the plural before...
Posted by Nim Pim (Member # 205) on :
Be careful what you wish for, TSN, you might have to use both hands.
[ March 18, 2002, 12:34: Message edited by: Nim Pim ]
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Ummm... this thread is the poop, man!
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
Wow. I'm not even sure what it is about.
I like a girl right now.. she's the sweetest.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
The way to approach the most beautiful woman you have ever seen is to go up to them and say something to the effect of "Hi. I'm sorry to bother you, but I just wanted you to know that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Thank you for existing."
It works best if you've observably sober and serious, completely rational, not gushing or stumbling. Practice.
If they react in a surprised, pleased, self-disparaging manner, you've got it made. Just keep laying it on, but not too thick. Maintain eye contact, unless you're describing the perfection of one of her features to her, in which case you should seem intent on that feature, but keep looking back to the eyes.
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
That's just it, Fo2. It was too much. I could hardly hold a thought together. I don't know. I mean if we were talking on the telephone, or some way that I wasn't able to see her (let's not go into my confessional fantasy), I could have been the suavest, coolest muthafucker you've ever seen. Cooler than Fonzi. It was a gushing situation. It would not have been laying it on too thick, she literally was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I HAVE EVER SEEN. It hurt to be in her presence. I could have picked up a new beetle and torn it in half with the amount of sheer adrenal / hormonal response I was feeling. It was too powerful. My system is finally starting to come down and it's several days later.
Posted by Jernau Morat Gurgeh (Member # 318) on :
I can see how it might be distressing, but try to appreciate the fact that you can still have a reaction as powerful as that. It may seem torturous, but much of the pleasure in having is in not-having. Think how boring life would be if you didn't get the jitters like that.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"It hurt to be in her presence."
And this is a good thing?
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
I met the most beautiful girl ever last night. And she gave me her AUTOGRAPH!
For those of you who can't tell, that's Rachel from Real World X. The cute young one (BABE). She was at LCCC for a big Q&A session. I asked her about penises
I rule!
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
"For those of you who can't tell, that's Rachel from Real World"
Because we're sure in the minority. I felt foolish until you explained the situation. I guess not getting MTV makes me a luddite. Go King Ludd!
How many of these do they have now? Hawaii, LA, San Diego, Havana, Tuscany, Siberian Goulag? Don't actually answer, because I don't actually care.
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
They've begun repeating cities, actually...
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
What's the 'X'? "Xtreme"? Is this the version where they live in Antarctica, naked, surrounded by killer attack penguins, and whoever comes out alive is declared "King/Queen of All Things Shiny"?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Actually, TSN, "X" is the Roman numeral for "10".
But somehow I 'spect you knew that.
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
THEY HAVE TEN OF THESE ALREADY?!?
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
Actually, there are 12 of these.
Real World XI (Chicago) is airing right now, and Real World XII (Las Vegas) starts taping like...now...
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Each one is lamer then the one before.
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
Here's Rachel (although she doesn't look like this anymore): Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
THEY HAVE TWELVE OF THESE ALREADY?!?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Yes. Keep your voice down or they'll send the N'Sync Hit Squad to cap yo' ass.
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
THERE'S AN NSYNC HIT SQUAD ALREADY?!?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Yep, and don't forget the Backstreet Boys Boogalo ... fancy name, they just beat you to death with unsold CDs. Ow.
And if Britney Spears ever shows up at your door and starts inflating, run far, far, far, faaaar away.
[ March 22, 2002, 21:24: Message edited by: Malnurtured Snay ]
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
SHE HAS INFLATING BREASTS ALREADY?!?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Dolph Lundgren just ran past my window, stark naked. He's yelling "I need the Canadian Bacon from Saskachawan!"
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
HELL HAS FROZEN OVER ALREADY?!?
I'm going to sit on my porch, to see if I see any running Swedes outside. Other than Tommy Salo from the mobs of hitmen after him! Oh, how I make sillies.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
I thought you meant the Rachel who married the lumberjack.
Did you know that when you search Google for "Real World San Francisco" you get pictures of the real world San Francisco, mostly from space, and none of The Real Worldtm: San Franciscotm? Who do they think is using the Web, geographers?
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
o_O
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
Sol: You watch The Real World? Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Simon may still yet retain his size, but he has been lowered slightly in the eyes of man.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
I watch a lot of television. This is why I am so hip with the youth.
In my defense, I hardly make a habit of it. It's just that every summer I go into a sort of hibernation state, in which all I do is watch cable. (Or in my case, satellite. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Except when I'm at college. Then it's cable. HA HA HA. Only I don't watch it, really, there.) Anyway, I've seen none of, say, Real World: Chicago or Real World: New York 2. And I never watch Springer Break, except for the recap shows.
If anyone's interested, we get three channels of Viacomusic: MTV, MTV2, and VH1. I also get MuchMusic (Which featured, for a time, a woman named Rachel who actually was attractive. SERENDIPITY.) Only now, it's apparently MuchUSA. MUCHUSA?! What's the point? After that, the channels all drain into C-Span.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Current news headlines on MuchMusic.com:
Madonna Pulls Out P. Diddy's Pay Out Britney On Fire
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
Simon, if your undying love for Ms. Rachel Perry runs as deep as I fear it does, I suggest you move at once to New York City, you can get an MSG-networks owned local channel called MetroTV that airs a show called The Daily Beat hosted by her hottiness.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Their website appears to be tragically out of date.
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Their top 10 looks like this:
1. KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS SONG, Roberta Flack (Atlantic)
2. BAD BAD LEROY BROWN , Jim Croce (ABC)
3. TIE A YELLOW RIBBON 'ROUND THE OLE OAK TREE, Tony Orlando & Dawn (Bell)
4. CROCODILE ROCK, Elton John (MCA)
5. MY LOVE, Paul McCartney & Wings (Apple)
6. WHY ME, Kris Kristofferson (Monument)
7. LET'S GET IT ON, Marvin Gaye (Tamla)
8. WILL IT GO ROUND IN CIRCLES, Billy Preston (A&M)
9. YOU'RE SO VAIN, Carly Simon (Elektra)
10. TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING, Diana Ross (Motown)
You know, because in 1973 this was the top 10. And so, it becomes funny, because the website isn't that out of date. But it is nonoftly updated.
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
Yeah, that other Rachel was from RW: Miami, and married the lumberjack from RW: Boston. They got like 2 kids together
*sigh* The curse of a photographic memory...I actually remember that crap...
My Rachel though: BABE.
Oh, and if you're wondering who Sarah is (on the autograph), she's a friend from Ohio who also likes Rachel, but couldn't be there. She also happens to be bisexual and has fantasies of having Rachel in the hot tub with her So yeah, that was something I did for Sarah.
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
"She also happens to be bisexua
MTV HAS BISEXUALS ALREADY?!?
Actually, when is a female on any reality TV show, or any other gosh darn TV show NOT a bisexual. It's the biggest fad since Branch Davidianism.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
I guess that explains the "thanks for coming out", then...
And, yes, I knew 'X' was the Roman numeral for 10. I just didn't expect MTV to know it.
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
I'm sure they mean Xtreme, or some other Xcitement XFL term. Not only would I put Roman numerals past the MTV set, but seplling as weel.
Posted by 359mph (Member # 37) on :
Uh, Sarah (my friend) is bisexual, not Rachel (the babe from TV).
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Well, it's really a question of who isn't these days.
Is Branch Davidianism around still? That David Koresh was HOT.
Posted by U//Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Whoooo BOY!
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
I was sure he'd be "resurrected" (read: come out of hiding) three days after that place burned down. Too bad. Would've been interesting...
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Does he look like Dennis Hopper there or is it just me?
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Actually he looks like Jeff Lynne from ELO. Which is potentially more disturbing.
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
"Hey, can I buy you a drink?" works so much better than "come with me if you want to live." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Maybe Michael T would know!?! 
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
