Do you ever work with a guy to whom you would just LOVE to invite to play Russian Roulette with you? And then when he agrees, you insist he goes first? And then when he agrees, you hand him a semi-automatic pistol?
Why can't life just be this simple ...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
That was simple?
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
It can be if you use a stolen gun and invite him to a secluded area near a large body of water and you wear gloves, new shoes and dispose of all your clothing once he'd dead-bring another brand new set of clothes (paid for in cash somewhere you've never shopped before) with you and dispose of that once you get home. Be sure to wash your hands with lava soap to make a gunpowder residue test return negative. If time and privacy permit, smash out his teeth and remove the body's head: teeth go in the ocean and the head, identification, clothes and personal affects go in a furnace or bonfire somewhere at least 10 miles from your house.
These are just guidelines, of course just as any recipie should be adjusted to your tastes, you should plan your "event" your own special way so it's memorable.
I reccomend dressing your vic up in a red TOS uniform, throwing some blood from store-bought hamburger on it and leaving it for the animals. That way it has a kind of "Kirk left me for dead" thing going for it.
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
So that's how Clinton did Vince Foster
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
I find your amount of premeditation disturbing.
Posted by Aban Rune (Member # 226) on :
The FBI should be knocking on your door any day now. But I have indeed worked with someone that often caused me to think of ways I could get away with vandalism and assault.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
See, here's the thing, 'Greg' is the miserable excuse for an assistant manager we have at the pizza show I work at, and since he has zero clue what this job entails, and since last night was the Superbowl, not only were we short-staffed already (we did $3k in sales between 5:30 and 7:30, which is about 2/3rds of what we do ALL DAY on Friday), but the rest of us had to really hustle while Greg was moving like a snail and going out to McDonalds at the height of the rush. "Oh, what's the big deal, I was only gone twenty minutes, hahahaha."
Freaking moron.
Posted by Aban Rune (Member # 226) on :
Sounds like a tool. The kind of moron that should be relativly easy to expose to public humiliation. Planting some pr0n in his locker for example. OOh, or better yet... starting a subscription to Fredricks of Hollywood catalog in his name and having it sent to your business.... Talk about a fun time.
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
quote:God created assistant managers when he was in a really shitty mood.
Well, see, we're not supposed to have TWO assistant managers, we're supposed to have one AM and one "shift leader". But the shift leader quit, so we got 'Greg' because there was no one else available. Now, this is bad because AMs are paid salary, and the store I'm at, given its overhead and sales, can only afford one AM ... and instead, has two.
The other AM, 'Jane', is fantastic. Knows the inside and the out of the job, and is just a great person to work for. The sucky thing is, she's been with the Co. for so long, that her pay is actually LESS than 'Greg' (which is really unfair, because Greg has no work ethic and is the laziest piece of shit I've had the displeasure to work with, and that's saying a lot! 'Greg' bitches about working 50 hours a week (which salaried managers have to do), bitches about working ten days in a row (nevermind that he gets four days off in a row, too), and complains when he has to stay after 5pm after opening. He can't count the inventory without adding 200 2-liters and subtracting twenty cases of cheese, and makes fun of drivers when they refuse to take deliveries OUTSIDE OF OUR DELIVERY AREA AND INTO OPEN-AIR DRUG MARKETS. Nevermind that I worked from 10am to 9:30pm yesterday, he hates the idea of staying past 5pm, the fucking lazy cunt. Nevermind that he BRAGS (I SAY BRAGS!) that he had 22 employers in the fiscal year 2001, and that he was fired from most of them, nevermind that he can't get his prep, dough-management, or bank deposits done on a Monday during a $300 sale shift, yet when he's asked to help out on a $1400 day (when we actually get all that stuff done, plus make the pizzas), actually has the balls to say "See, this is what I had to deal with Monday."
Oh, and he also cannot slap out a pizza. He's supposed to be an assistant manager of a pizza shop, and he can't make a pizza. And he uses like five times the amount of toppings, and left to his own devices will think he's being 'clever' by clearing the screen of unmade pizzas, trying to make 'em from memory, and making them wrong, not to mention making them repeatedly ...
Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on :
quote:Originally posted by Malnurtured Snay: ...the pizza show I work at...
Pizzahut On Ice?
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
quote:Originally posted by Aban Rune: Sounds like a tool. The kind of moron that should be relativly easy to expose to public humiliation. Planting some pr0n in his locker for example. OOh, or better yet... starting a subscription to Fredricks of Hollywood catalog in his name and having it sent to your business.... Talk about a fun time.
Better yet....get him a subscription to Playgirl.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
So, isn't there a non-assistant manager to whom one could complain about this character?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Yes, the Store Manager (who hates his guts). But, really, what can she do? I can't officially start until I spend a week at the Towson store being "certified", and I can't do that for two more months. 'Greg' quitting or being fired would tack 30 more hours onto both her and 'Jane''s schedule ... and they wouldn't get a fatter paycheck for the time.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"'Certified'"? Maybe I'm 'misremembering', but haven't 'you' been working in 'pizza delivery' for, like, 'years' or something?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
In 'delivery', yes, but not 'managment.' I thought I posted that I was trying to buy a franchise. For that, I have to go through the management program, and then save up a butt-load of money.
To clarify, I've been working 'inside' at this PJs the last couple of months, and delivering at a little indy shop (working about 70 hours a week total). While I'm working inside the GM is starting to teach me how to open/close, work the computer, make deposits, dough management, etc., so that when I get sent to Towson for 'certification' I'll only have to be there for a week.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"...and they wouldn't get a fatter paycheck for the time."
No, but the store would be better served overall by one AM who knows her stuff than by two if the second AM has a penchant for slacking off on the job anyway, right?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Yes, but the store would still require a third manager who would be able to cover shifts, so there isn't much of a choice on their part. Really what it amounts to is 'Greg' works a shift, then 'Jane' or 'Kristin' comes in and bitches him out for the lousy job he did, and then he starts moaning about how he wants to go home, and then I have to do all the shit he didn't do while he whines and cries.
Did I mention he had 20+ jobs one year? And was proud of it?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Is 'Greg' likely to be reading this?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
I'm not 100% certain of his reading comprehension ... besides, even if 'Greg' really read this, I don't think he would recognize that I have been clever enough to substitute 'Greg' in place of his real name. 'Greg' would probably tell me the next day, "Hah, that 'Greg' sounds like a real loser."
Posted by Mucus (Member # 24) on :
[Brief cut to three days later] Snay is holding a bloodied pink slip, a smoking gun, and sirens blare in the distance.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Hee...hee...
'Greg' requested off Superbowl Sunday, one of the five busiest days at a pizza shop. So, because our GM and AM are such nice people, they agreed. But then he called out on Monday, and 'Jane' agreed to switch her Saturday closing shift for 'Greg's' Monday opening shift.
Well, come today (Saturday), and 'Greg' tried to call out. "Oh, my girlfriend's grandfather died, and she needs me." Okay, nevermind that he's already called out one day (to cover for his football related hangover, no doubt), now he's trying to get out of his coverage shift, which would mean he'd be getting 10 hours over on the store's labor (he's paid a very high amount of salary with the expectation that he'll work 50 hours per week).
Anyway, our GM called our DO (Director of Operations), her direct boss, and the guy who hired 'Greg'. Well, he's been none too happy with reports on 'Greg's progress (i.e., opening late, changing his clock in and out times), and it looks like 'Greg' may finally be on his way out ... to be replaced by me (except since I'll be a "shift leader" which means I'll be paid hourly, but also means I don't have the extent of the responsibilities, or the requirment to work 50 hours a week)! Anyway, it'll just be nice when he gets canned ... I can hardly wait ...
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
I feel a party coming on.
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
Good for you, Snay.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
It's pnemonia.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
Congrats. Snay... I've been following your pizza exploits for what seems like years now
What, praytell are the "5 biggest pizza days of the year"? Are these like Pizza holydays? Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"I've been following your pizza exploits for what seems like years now..."
Haven't we all. B)
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I feel a party coming on.
Who's brining the pizza?
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Welcome to Reality.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
In what way, Styro?
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Amazing how the names/job titles change but it's still the same. Rather sad really. Even now, I deal with this, but from the other side.
Ah well. Reality. Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote:Originally posted by Styrofoaman: Even now, I deal with this, but from the other side.
Ah well. Reality.
You are John Edwards!?! Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Well, I got a heads up from my boss ... looks like I should have some interesting news tomorrow night ...
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Your manager got promoted to a better store.
Greg is the new manager.
You're fired.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Y'know, in unrelated news, I recieved a bayonet yesterday. It belonged to my grandfather, and seems to be a "war prize" of his time in Europe. Best as I can tell, its German. It still has a sharp blade, even if the scabard is a bit rusted.
Hmmm ... hello, Greg ...
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
If only you had either a neo-nazi co-worker to pin the crime on or a documented history of blackouts....
but i'm just brainstorming.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"You are John Edwards!?!"
The North Carolinan Senator currently running for Democratic presidential candidate in the US?
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
He meant John Edward, psychic medium. Understandable mistake.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
I was being sarcastic. An understandable mistake.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Well, we forgive you. Don't do it again, though.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Well, Sunday is 'Greg's' last day at the shop. He's being sent to another store, hoorah!
I had my meeting with the boss today. My GM called last night to warn me about it, so I spent the afternoon remembering the five catagories that a pizza is scored on, the aspects of dough management, considering hypothetical "think on your feet" questions he might pose ... and it was nothing like that, just 'Why do you want to do this?' 'What experience do you have?' 'Do you think you're ready?' Anyway, I officialy start as a manager on Monday, and he joked with me "Don't worry about it ... you have a lot of shoes to fill, but they're all small" (referring to all the previous shift managers who have come before me ... like five in the last year, not counting 'Greg' ... it's worse than filling Defense Against the Dark Art's post at Hogwarts!)
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"...I spent the afternoon remembering the five catagories that a pizza is scored on, the aspects of dough management..."
Isn't it cute how the pizza people take themselves seriously?
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Yeah. I mean, come on, dude, it's pizza!
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Hey, it's not the job you do, it's how you do that job. Besides, GMs can make between $35 - $100k depending on their bonuses. And one of the most important thing about MAKING bonuses is how your pizza scores are.
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
There's this mini-game in Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's Magical Mystery Mall game for the Playstation game console where you must deliver fast foodstuffs, such as pizzas and hamburger sandwiches to impatiently waiting consumers. The more pizza pies and hamburger sandwiches you deliver, the higher the score goes up. With this score, once you reach a certain point, you do not, like in this real life, get bonuses. However, you do recieve a magical gem which proves to be instrumental in unfreezing the mall from its frozen state.
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ultra Magnus: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's Magical Mystery Mall game
So...you own this?
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
quote:Originally posted by Malnurtured Snay: Hey, it's not the job you do, it's how you do that job. Besides, GMs can make between $35 - $100k depending on their bonuses. And one of the most important thing about MAKING bonuses is how your pizza scores are.
Yeah, I remember a General Manager at Chuck E. Cheeses years back that went and set all the scales used to measure the toppings to read 1/2 ounce when empty. I know that doesn't sound bad to most people, but at the time I believe cheese was about 14 cents per ounce. So he was ripping the customer off for 7 cents worth of cheese not to mention the toppings. All in the name of his "Product Use Bonus".
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Well, using proper amounts of ingredients is important, but the pizza score also looks at:
-How big is the pizza? Is it too small for the box, or does the box (when closed) crush the crust?
-Have the toppings been evenly distributed? When eating, will a customer have a topping in each bite?
-How is the cheese distributed, is it even? Are there any large un-cheesed areas of the pizza? Is there a "cheese-lock" on the crust, with no visible sauce?
-Has the pizza been cooked properly, or undercooked? Is the crust a golden brown? What about the underside of the crust? Have any of the toppings been burned?
Using less than the prescribed amount of toppings would actually affect our store's food cost, but there's actually a rather generous "user error" built in as to how that's figured in to bonuses.
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
Such as when you make your own mini pizza; instead of 3 ounces of beef you put 3 pounds?
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
quote:Originally posted by Malnurtured Snay: Well, using proper amounts of ingredients is important, but the pizza score also looks at:
-How big is the pizza? Is it too small for the box, or does the box (when closed) crush the crust?
-Have the toppings been evenly distributed? When eating, will a customer have a topping in each bite?
-How is the cheese distributed, is it even? Are there any large un-cheesed areas of the pizza? Is there a "cheese-lock" on the crust, with no visible sauce?
-Has the pizza been cooked properly, or undercooked? Is the crust a golden brown? What about the underside of the crust? Have any of the toppings been burned?
All of theses are reasons I never eat pizza from chains. I'd rather risk it all on getting a excellent pizza from some local resturant. All Pizza Hut pizza tastes the same and is too greasy for my liking. Papa John's adds waaaaay too much sauce and not enough cheese, then gives you garlic flavored animal fat to dunk the crust in......vile. Domino's tastes okay but they pissed me off for having no ethics years ago, so I dont buy from them.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ultra Magnus: There's this mini-game in Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's Magical Mystery Mall game for the Playstation game console where you must deliver fast foodstuffs, such as pizzas and hamburger sandwiches to impatiently waiting consumers.
Andrew slowly backs away from UM.
Ahhh - this is scary - Friday night I was in town at a computer game shop and someone was walking through the shop and said to their friend audibly: "There's even a Mary-Kate and Ashely computer game!?!". Now it's been mentioned here... and that's just scary.
"Hairy Scary!"
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"I'd rather risk it all on getting a excellent pizza from some local resturant."
Which you can only find in Italy.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Not having eaten in Italy, I'll stick with the New Yorkers that were smart enough to head south.
Either way, It's better pizza.
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Wish I could find industrial workers with this level of drive. Glad to see other people out there who take pride in thier work.
quote:Originally posted by TSN:
"...I spent the afternoon remembering the five catagories that a pizza is scored on, the aspects of dough management..."
Isn't it cute how the pizza people take themselves seriously?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jason Abbadon: Papa John's adds waaaaay too much sauce and not enough cheese, then gives you garlic flavored animal fat to dunk the crust in......vile.
That Garlic Flavoured Animal Fat is delicious. I love it. I must have it.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 24) on :
Mmmm, dough management. At least its not dough engineering.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by AndrewR: Ahhh - this is scary - Friday night I was in town at a computer game shop and someone was walking through the shop and said to their friend audibly: "There's even a Mary-Kate and Ashely computer game!?!". Now it's been mentioned here... and that's just scary.
Yes. Who'd have thought that a computer game based on two fairly popular "tween" characters would ever be mentioned in two different places? It's like how Lee was talking about SUV's in that thread, and THEN I SAW ONE ON THE STREET AND DIED OF SHOCK!
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
quote:DIED OF SHOCK!
So, uh, The Great Beyond now features internet access, eh?
Anyway, my first unsupervised shift is Monday night ... 4p - close. We'll see how it goeth.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Barbecue sauce is also henceforth banned from pizza.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
I feel sorry for you.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
You'd love our Chicken Hawaiian pizza ... barbeque sauce topped with onions, bacon, chicken and pineapple. And, well, cheese of course.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
I am not so much a fan of the barbecue sauce on pizza, though, and while pineapple is a tolerable topping, it isn't something I ever seek out on my own. Frankly, I'm a bit skeptical about the bacon, too, though lately I've discovered the wonders of bacon combined with various things, so who knows?
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Pineapple on pizza is as wretched and wrong and evil as bacon on pancakes or jelly on peanut butter.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jason Abbadon: Chicken has no place on pizza. There. I said it.
Barbecue sauce is also henceforth banned from pizza.
Oh no WAY.
I had a beautiful Satay Chicken pizza (woodfired) last year and it was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote:Originally posted by PsyLiam:
quote:Originally posted by AndrewR: Ahhh - this is scary - Friday night I was in town at a computer game shop and someone was walking through the shop and said to their friend audibly: "There's even a Mary-Kate and Ashely computer game!?!". Now it's been mentioned here... and that's just scary.
Yes. Who'd have thought that a computer game based on two fairly popular "tween" characters would ever be mentioned in two different places? It's like how Lee was talking about SUV's in that thread, and THEN I SAW ONE ON THE STREET AND DIED OF SHOCK!
to quote someone here? "Quiet, you." Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jason Abbadon: Chicken has no place on pizza.
Fool.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sol System: I feel sorry for you.
You've only just started to?
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
quote:Originally posted by PsyLiam:
quote:Originally posted by Sol System: I feel sorry for you.
You've only just started to?
He must have seen the pictures you posted.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
You have misunderstood who is speaking to whom.
[ February 16, 2004, 03:36 AM: Message edited by: Sol System ]
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Glad to see other people out there who take pride in thier work.![[Razz]](tongue.gif)