The girl I've been persuing for a few months now just told me that she's dating another guy. He happens to be 28 to her 18. I've met exactly three girls in my life that have any marriage potential at all, and every one of them has rejected me for another guy. The first keeps getting back together with the same guy who's insecure and insensitive, the second has known her guy for five months and is marrying him in another three, and the third is this one.
Damn.
Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
quote:He happens to be 28 to her 18
*falls over*
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
At ten, I fathered my first.
So, ew.
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
As much as it may hurt right now, these things have to come naturally. If you're doing the right things with the right intentions, and it still doesn't work, then it's probably just not meant to be. On the other hand, if the trend continues, say, 5 years down the road, then the problem might lie with you, and there's probably something you're doing consciously or unconsciously that's not working. Self-knowledge is a good thing.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Besides, you're 18, aren't you? Worrying about marriage at that age should only be done if it's the only way you're going to get some sex.
Hmm.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
19. Closer to 20 than not.
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
The divorce rate of people who marry between 20-25 is 60%. Just saw that on Dr. Phil.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
Facts aside - does anyone think Dr. Phil has beady little eyes?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: 19. Closer to 20 than not.
If you're still saying "I'm going to be blah blah blah in x number of days", rather than trying to hide it, you are far too young to do, well, anything.
Posted by Captain Mike XLVII (Member # 709) on :
I HOPE THAT WHEN I AM 28 I CAN GET AS MUCH YOUNG ASS AS MANY OF THE OTHER 28 YEAR OLDS SEEM TO
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Mind want to stay above the age of majority, though...
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Look at the bright side, Omega: at least you're not friends with the guy she's dating now.
I just learned that the only woman I've ever loved (unrequited, no less!) has left her alcholic fiance' (a former co-worker of mine) and is on her own. Not that she's spoken to me in three years: the fiance' would fight wih her if she even called me. He was pretty insecure...although I'd have taken her from him if I could have.
meh.
Now I'm all a mix of unresolved emotions and self-loathing for feeling anything at all for this woman that probably doesnt think of me at all.
Fun city.
At least I can blare Ministry in my car and forget all about it while driving...
mmmmmm.....Ministry.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
You might as well make the effort. Nothing ventured, nothing shagged. 'Course, how long you wait before making the approach, and how you make the approach, is another question entirely. . .
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
I dont even know how long it's been since their breakup....could only be a few weeks or a few months.
I've come to the grim realization that just because she's not with him doesnt mean that she'd want to be with me either.
Besides, I'm no one's fallback guy.
Stupid as it sounds, I would like to know she's allright though. (note: this is as sickly vulnerable as I allow myself).
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
at least you're not friends with the guy she's dating now.
Actually, he and I get along quite well, at least we have until now. Haven't seen either of them since I declared my interest.
Nothing ventured, nothing shagged. 'Course, how long you wait before making the approach, and how you make the approach, is another question entirely. . .
Well, what you've just said is entirely what's wrong with the approach. If you approach every relationship with the desire for sex in mind, then it's gonna be obvious eventually. Be her friend when she needs you, and see what happens. It's worked so well for me, after all.
Stupid as it sounds, I would like to know she's allright though.
Not stupid. You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: If you approach every relationship with the desire for sex in mind, then it's gonna be obvious eventually.
This is a strange phenonemon that occurs in todays society. People all have the impression that only men want sex, and women begrudgingly give it. They do actually enjoy it as well, y'know.
Also, sex really is a part of most relationships of that sort. It should't be the be all and end all of it, but ignoring it also lying, in a different way. Everyone wants sex, whether it be straight away, after 3 dates, or the night of the wedding.
Also also, I think Lee was using humorous language.
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
Maybe you should start looking for women with lower standards.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: at least you're not friends with the guy she's dating now.
Actually, he and I get along quite well, at least we have until now. Haven't seen either of them since I declared my interest.
Nothing ventured, nothing shagged. 'Course, how long you wait before making the approach, and how you make the approach, is another question entirely. . .
Well, what you've just said is entirely what's wrong with the approach. If you approach every relationship with the desire for sex in mind, then it's gonna be obvious eventually. Be her friend when she needs you, and see what happens. It's worked so well for me, after all.
NO! I tried the "lets be friends first approach (as she "wasnt ready for a relationship" at the time and found myself consigned to the eternal emotional purgatory that is "The Friend ZonE".
quote: Stupid as it sounds, I would like to know she's allright though.
Not stupid. You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
YAh. Thanks. Theres still no real way re-itroduce myself to her. I could get all crafty and locate her new address or work, (unless she didint move and threw her fiance' out) or even just E-Mail her via her AOL IM, but really...what could I say? "Hi! Heard you dumped that drunk you were with, and with *no ulterior motive, I'd like to see you!"
Have I mentioned that love stinks?
None of the girls I've had intimate relations with and things havent worked out with have any lasting impression on my psyche and yet this one woman is on my mind at least once a week.
The self-introspection is the worst.
I say FUCK IT. You cant help who you fall in love with anyway. Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
Let's see what Rigby Reardon has to say;
All dames are alike: they reach down your throat and they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, step on it with their high heels, spit on it, shove it in the oven and cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and serve it to you and then expect you to say, "Thanks, honey, it was delicious." Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"If you approach every relationship with the desire for sex in mind, then it's gonna be obvious eventually."
And if you approach every relationship with the desire for marriage in mind, then it's going to be even MORE obvious.
Posted by Species 1162 (Member # 1162) on :
Styrofoaman and I dated for 16 years. One thing after another kept getting in the way... but in the end we got together. I knew from the moment I met him that I'd end up in a long term relationship with him but I had no idea it would lead down this road.
All relationships are based on sex. It's the driving force in nature. After all sex at it's core is used for reproduction. The desire to propagate the species is programed in to most people... its when that drive gets mixed up with emotions that we end up in these kinds of situations.
Jason, Omega... Don't know what advice to offer other than good luck. Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I tried the "lets be friends first approach (as she "wasnt ready for a relationship" at the time) and found myself consigned to the eternal emotional purgatory that is "The Friend ZonE".
If the girl's not interested, she's not interested. But she might be more likely to be interested if she thought you cared about her personally, as opposed to thinking you just want to get into her pants. (Not to say that's what I think you want, just that she might think that.)
And if you approach every relationship with the desire for marriage in mind, then it's going to be even MORE obvious.
Yes, but women don't generally MIND that approach.
All relationships are based on sex.
How Nietzchean. Sorry, but you're entirely wrong. Fulfilling emotional relationships can exist without any hint of sexuality.
Posted by The Mighty Monkey of Mim (Member # 646) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: Sorry, but you're entirely wrong. Fulfilling emotional relationships can exist without any hint of sexuality.
Sorry, but that is all so much unmitigated bullshit.
There one purpose and one purpose ONLY to life as we know it: Reproduction. Sex. Everything else is an elaborate charade we build around it in order to convince ourselves that we're somehow "more highly evolved/enlightened" than all other lifeforms on this planet.
Am I a cynical, mildly misanthropic, occasionally suicidal nihilist who "lacks a relationship with God"? You bet. Cheers!
-MMoM Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Fulfilling emotional relationships can exist without any hint of sexuality."
Right. It's called "friendship". Which is obviously not what you're looking for, or you wouldn't care whether these girls were having romantic relationships with guys who aren't you.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: And if you approach every relationship with the desire for marriage in mind, then it's going to be even MORE obvious.
Yes, but women don't generally MIND that approach.
True. The opener "Hi, do you want to go out, and then maybe get married" works brilliantly, I find. Especially if I want to scare them off.
You know strange women.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Yes, I do. But they suit me.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Except they don't, as none of them are going out with you.
I also think there's something fundamentally wrong with approaching the start of each relationship with marriage in mind. It creates an all or nothing situation. It prevents you from having small relationships, getting an idea of what you actually want, not what you think you want. It prevents you from getting any experience at dealing with having an "other half".
If a girl responds to the question "do you want to go out" by thinking "would this man make a good father for my children", then the relationship really isn't starting off on the most healthy foot.
And you've ignored Tim's point too. Chicken.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Except they don't, as none of them are going out with you.
No, no, that means I don't suit THEM.
I also think there's something fundamentally wrong with approaching the start of each relationship with marriage in mind. It creates an all or nothing situation. It prevents you from having small relationships, getting an idea of what you actually want, not what you think you want. It prevents you from getting any experience at dealing with having an "other half".
Why would it do those things? There seems to be a logical leap in there.
If a girl responds to the question "do you want to go out" by thinking "would this man make a good father for my children", then the relationship really isn't starting off on the most healthy foot.
You seem to be assuming that I consider a date to be equivalent to a relationship. I don't. So there.
And you've ignored Tim's point too. Chicken.
What point? I disagree with his definition, much like I disagree that all romantic relationships must be based around sex and reproduction. That much is obvious from my prior posts. We seem to have a disagreement about basic precepts, so what more is there to say?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: You seem to be assuming that I consider a date to be equivalent to a relationship. I don't. So there.
So when does it become one? After three dates? Five? And does it go straight from "date" to "I'm waiting for him to propose"?
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
It may come as a great surprise to you, Liam, but every relationship is different.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
Should this be taken to private messages/e-mail?
Posted by Dat (Member # 302) on :
I think it should be taken to private messages/email. Right now it seems Omega is asking if there's anything wrong and going by what's been said before, he strongly believes there isn't anything wrong with his approach. Which then begs the question of why he bothered to ask in the first place.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Why?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Oh, come on. There's a difference between Omega being thick-headed, and First Of Two being pig-headed. Dear Stephen here may appear to be unconvinced by the arguments, but he's always been like that. And he now admits that the young earth theory MAY be wrong, and that Bush isn't ALWAYS right. If we keep on like this, we may have him having sex outside of marriage before he's 40.
Besides, I'm sure he's had this conversation via private message with several people, all of whom are equally rubbish when it comes to relationships. Apart from me. I rock.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Which then begs the question of why he bothered to ask in the first place.
Ask? I didn't post this thread to ask anything, I posted it to whine! Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Besides, I'm sure he's had this conversation via private message with several people, all of whom are equally rubbish when it comes to relationships. Apart from me. I rock."
As evidenced:
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
You know, Liam, if Omega wants to abstain from sex outside of marriage, I say that's his choice. Trying to pursuade him otherwise is akin to his pursuading us NOT to have sex. Besides, I'm sure forces of nature does the pursuading just fine on its own.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Hmmm..... I cant really speak for anyone but myself, but part of my own problem in my case is that I loved (part of me always will and I'm stuck with that) the person she was. Dont get me wrong, I'm EXTREMELY physically attracted to her as well- she's bueatiful- but it wasnt just libido. I dont think "being her friend" would ever be enough for me and mabye it's best that we arent still in touch.
When she was practically married, I could more easily accept that there was no chance...and I'll have to do that now as well, I suppose. Yet,this woman is my first love and all others are measured (and found wanting) by comparison.
On a side note, Dr. bashier was right: Vic's little speach (and the "Here's to the Losers" song) does make me feel a bit better.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
It seems to me that Stephen is a rather confused young man who doesn't know what he wants. I think if most of us were to assume what he wants, based on our knowledge of Omega's background and upbringing, it'd be something along the lines of "close friendship with a nice Christian girl of similar age, leading to exclusive and chaste dating leading to marriage. Then rumnpy."
I suppose such a thing is possible even in today's licentious moral climate. Recently I saw two programmes in as many weeks about the spread of True Love Waits-style pacts or covenants. One was called the Silver Ring Thing, I seem to recall. Run by some Reverend who seemed genuinely concerned about the youth of America having a proper Christian upbringing (the attempts to dig up dirt on opposing speakers at debates on sexual education in schools notwithstanding) - until right at the end when he revealed that he believes the Rapture etc. was gonna happen anyday soon and just so long as his own daughters were still virgins when it did, then he'd be happy. . .
But I digress. Those programmes apart, I get the impression that while it's possible to have the kind of relationship mentioned in the above first paragraph, it's not as easy as it used to be. But while the route the rest of us have chosen - OK some of us, anyway - of having however many partners we like until we find the right one - might be considered a lot more fun, I'd say it probably wasn't any easier for us to find that special someone. All it guaranteed is that come my wedding night, I knew what I was doing in the bedroom department, thank you very much.
(for all the good it did me - we were both far too exhausted from the day to do anything apart from fall asleep - and we had an early flight to Mexico the next day)
One of my friends from school actually married another Christian and they were both virgins on their wedding night. He managed this by being a bit of a nerd, and marrying someone ten years younger than him. My best man was his best man, and he apparently did give the Groom some tips in advance. Didn't get any feedback after the fact, though - apart from an enigmatic smile. Huh, that's gratitude for you!
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"If we keep on like this, we may have him having sex outside of marriage before he's 40."
I wouldn't bet on it. B)
"I didn't post this thread to ask anything, I posted it to whine!"
Well, you obviously expected feedback of some sort, like "aw, you poor boy, we sympathize with you for being puked out like a smelly hairball" (except we don't, of course, so that'd have been a bald-faced lie) or "come on, there's bound to be SOMEONE out there who'll like and appreciate you for who you are, so hold off on the rope for now" (even in Tennessee, which fought on the side of the Confederacy, the odds couldn't be that bad) or "hey, it sucks that you don't seem to suit any girl within a five-hundred mile radius of your home, but we know that can't have anything to do with you or your methods because you're such a swell guy and so open to ideas from others", but ultimately, whining about your adversities in love (to a less-than-wholly receptive crowd) won't do you or us any good. Where did you think this thread would go, anyway?
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
I just want to repeat what Psyliam mentioned, in the off chance that Omega missed it.
If you approach every girl with the deliberate, calculating attitude of trying to visualize your mutual relationship in 5-10 years it gets counter-productive. You can pre-dump a person on the most vain and petty grounds, all the while convinving yourself that you "knew it wasn't going to work anyway".
The mind often thinks it has everything covered but you just don't know beforehand.
Using a horrible allegory from Eisenhower, "No battle plan has ever survived the first shot fired in the battle".
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Tennessee fought for the South?! Oh, somewhere, Mountain Man is rolling in his grave. . .
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I think if most of us were to assume what he wants, based on our knowledge of Omega's background and upbringing, it'd be something along the lines of "close friendship with a nice Christian girl of similar age, leading to exclusive and chaste dating leading to marriage. Then rumnpy."
Hey, you're catching on.
As for my desires for where the thread went, I didn't much care. I was venting. How people responded was pretty well irrelevant.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
So, that is what you think you want?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tora Ziyal: You know, Liam, if Omega wants to abstain from sex outside of marriage, I say that's his choice. Trying to pursuade him otherwise is akin to his pursuading us NOT to have sex. Besides, I'm sure forces of nature does the pursuading just fine on its own.
I wasn't trying to persuade him. I just love providing counter-arguments. Often what I post isn't what I think, it's merely designed to provoke the other person into arguing back, which will cause them to think about their own position in their mind.
I don't mind if people have different opinions from me, as long as they can say why they have them.
And I really should delete some of those uploaded photos.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
You are the grand master of psychological games. Yes indeedy.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Or am I rubbish?
Ahhhh!
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Quiet, you.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lee: Tennessee fought for the South?! Oh, somewhere, Mountain Man is rolling in his grave. . .
We can only hope.
Posted by Species 1162 (Member # 1162) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: .
As for my desires for where the thread went, I didn't much care. I was venting. How people responded was pretty well irrelevant.
Feel better now? Or do we have to take you out and get you drunk and find you a hooker?
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Have to do that often, Marian? Posted by Species 1162 (Member # 1162) on :
Not at all Billy. Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Well, when in Vegas...
Posted by Species 1162 (Member # 1162) on :
...do as Vegans do!
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Annoy the hell out of everyone that eats meat with their holier than thou attitude?
Posted by Species 1162 (Member # 1162) on :
Damn soy-nazis... Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
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