Well, not exactly. I'm currently doing first line tech support for IBM, which is a start, but not a "dream".
However, I have also done a couple of reviews for PC Format. I did Lords of the Realm 3, which they must have hated, as 3 months later they made me review Myst IV. Obviously not the highest standard of games, so I assumed I would have to spend a while playing the dregs before getting anything good.
So I was surprised when, during an email conversation with the editor about what information my invoices needed, he asked me if i was free to do a bit of freelance work that needed to be done quickly. I said I was interested, and asked what it was.
He wants me to write a walkthrough. For a little book that'll come with the magazine. "Essentially", he said "we'd be paying you to play Half-Life 2".
I paused. "Half-Life 2?", I said.
"Yup. We need you to play through the game, and write a walkthrough. We'll give you the official one in case you get stuck. And a copy of the game, obviously."
Again, I paused. "So this is going to be a proper walkthrough. To go in a book. That comes with the magazine. For Half-Life 2."
"Yup."
I mulled over it for a bit, and then accepted the offer. And then put the phone down. And then booked Monday off of work. And then passed out.
Posted by Utmost Nim (Member # 205) on :
Too bad England had to go. Ah well. -Fire at will, commander.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
That's some sort of video game, right?
Posted by Wes (Member # 212) on :
The only way this would of been cooler is if it was Halo 2.
hehehe.
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
Wait... Half-Life and Halo aren't the same thing? Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Myst IV is not the highest standard of games? Myst series is rather popular last I checked, is the new one not doing as well?
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Pft. If it takes those shoddy mag editors as long to publish your walkthrough as it took them to publish your reviews, we'll be lucky if chapter one is up before Half-Life 3 hits the shelves.
Also, I hate you and hope you contract writer's block.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Omega: Myst IV is not the highest standard of games? Myst series is rather popular last I checked, is the new one not doing as well?
I wasn't talking in terms of popularity. I was talking in terms of actually being a fun game with fun elements that are fun. (Although I did try and do something different from the standard "reviewers hate Myst, people buy it, reviewers get angry" review.) The review for that one is in the current issue, which I haven't bought yet due to not being able to afford it.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Or, you know, being a game instead of a slideshow for people to show off their brand new CD-ROMs and OH MAN isn't 1996 AWESOME have you played THE SEVENTH GUEST yet you TOTALLY better check it out UH OH MELROSE IS ON.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Well, exactly. Myst-slagging has been done to death, so I tried to be a bit more open.
Still poo, though. Just not quite as bad poo as I thought it would be.
Posted by Utmost Nim (Member # 205) on :
The realMyst edition was great, I have never felt so free in a fantasy environment, my gf also liked it at the time. We played it together, although I'd already finished it earlier so I had to keep my trap shut. She finished it without my help, though.
Ass you, Liam, for drop-kicking me down memory lane.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Well, it's your fault for liking Myst. I bet you also watched Sex & the City and convinced yourself it was a good programme. Didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?
Posted by Utmost Nim (Member # 205) on :
If I ever saw those babylon harlots during their lunchbreak I'd kick their table over, light ceasar sallads and dildos flying all over the place. Mr Big I would shove up his own ass, along with his Mercedes carkeys. Then I'd ask if he's always wearing lipstick due to his having lady lips, like John DeLancie. The muffled response would satisfy me to no end.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
So you did watch it, then?
Posted by Utmost Nim (Member # 205) on :
I'm not on trial here! And I don't belong to the demography of superficial, pseudofeminist/promiscuous urban females, so I pretty much did the opposite of watching it, that is not watching it.
Now please, hand me the blue page, just one more page, I need the page.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Hmm. I get the game tomorrow, and have to have most of the walkthrough done by Monday.
I'm going to be busy.
Posted by Utmost Nim (Member # 205) on :
It was a Myst hint. And what kind of magazine releases a walkthrough to a week-old game? Back when I read gamer-mags ('98-'00) they usually waited a couple of months, and the walkthroughs were kind of hush-hush.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
I imagine it started around the same time that companies started to release "official walkthroughs" when the game was released (or, in some cases, before).
I hate Myst. Especially that soundwave puzzle at the start of the 4th game. That jsut annoyed me.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 24) on :
The 7th Guest had a great soundtrack. Thats about all I got out of that.
Posted by Utmost Nim (Member # 205) on :
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
BILL GATES WAS ASTONISHED (BY IT) ((IT = 7TH GUEST)).
Also, I may have been a little impressed at the time as well. (There were moving video images on a computer monitor!)
Uh, I've read Liam's Myst review, and it is pretty neat, though worryingly professional.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
It only looks professional because it was designed by, er, professionals. Image is everything. I did have a couple more sarastic comments in there, but they took them out to stop the review being too flippant.
But, er, how have you read it? Did I send it to you?
In any event, that was 400 words. For this, I've got to do about 10,000 to 13,000. By Thursday. And I'm currently about 1/4 of the way through. It's really hard having to pause it every few seconds to write something down...I just want to play the damn thing.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Diane sent it to me.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
quote:Originally posted by PsyLiam: It's really hard having to pause it every few seconds to write something down...I just want to play the damn thing.
Play first: work later. Words to live by, young Jedi.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"(There were moving video images on a computer monitor!)"
There were moving video images in Megarace too, AND IT WAS NEATER THAN THE 7TH GUEST.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jason Abbadon: Play first: work later. Words to live by, young Jedi.
13,000 words. Entire game finished. Due in on Thursday. Working on Tuesday and Wednesday. No time.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
No sympathy.
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
I just don't have the patience to be able to play through an entire game like that. I've been playing Vice City for a few weeks now and I'm probably only 30% complete.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 24) on :
a) That sounds about right for a couple of weeks b) If you stick to only playing "storyline" missions, you'll probably finish at around 55% of completion anyways. That percentage includes stuff like hidden packages, unique jumps, beating up fellow Flare posters, and other random stuff most people get bored of anyways
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Current progress in the game:
Killed Diaz Doing the Cuban gang missions Have asset for Printworks Need to drop flyers for the studio (that damn plane is so hard to control!) Need to drive the Lovefist limo around so they can defuse the boomshine
I think that's about it...
Oh, and I've fiddled with the PCJ900 playground, the RC Bandit racetrack, the dirtbike/SUV racetrack, and lots and lots of vigilante missions with the Rhino. Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
I'm still playing Star Trek: Invasion for the PS1. It's the only game I own now that my Armada II CD broke.
I just have no paitence to play a computer game that long....I could be modeling or something creative....like sleeping.
Hmmmm.....I recall sleep: I miss it like an old friend.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Half-Life 2 is apparently only 20 hours long, although my progress is quite heavily slowed by having to pause and write everything down, both for the "how to" bit and the "story" bit.
Ahh, the Lovefist Limo mission. It really shouldn't be as hard as it is. Fun though.
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
The hoverboat section is quite long. Fun though. And I'm at work having only had 3 hours of sleep and dear god I'm tired.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Repeat the above for 3 nights, and you have a whole new world of tired where colours are wrong and things won't sit still damnit.
I'm only on chapter 9. And it's due tomorrow. Argh!
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
Can't you just ring the people who created the game?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
And get them to write the walkthrough for me?
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Is it done? Did you get teh powwarup?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Not yet. I've just finished chapter 12, with two more to go. I've been sending them what I've done one chapter at a time, and they haven't finished laying out the last few I've sent, so I've had a bit more time to play it.
In a way, I'm annoyed. Having to write while playing has taken some of the enjoyment out of things. Especially being so pressed for time. I mentioned that I was tired to the editor, and he said "trouble sleeping, eh? That rush before the end?" I think he thought that I was going to bed an hour later because I was enjoying the game so much. Whereas it's more a case of me having 3 hours of sleep every night this week to try and get the damn thing finished. Now I understand why the pay is so good.
Oh, and by the way: Chapter 12...Oh my fucking god awesomely brilliant.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
What the hell game is this again? Pong?
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
It's either Donkey Kong Jr. or Q*Bert. Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Which reminds me, I have to pick up Mario vs Donkey Kong. And a GBA to play it on. Preferably that new gold Zelda one. Mmmm.
Anyone, got it done. And I'm going to do a single page of general hints too, if I get some free time at work today. Never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
And I suppose I'll have to buy the mag again to read it, like I had to do just to get a glimpse of your Myst review?
Tight-arse.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Borders and Barnes & Noble were created so guys like us never have to actually buy a magazine to read an article.
Not to threaten Liam's dream job though.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cartman: And I suppose I'll have to buy the mag again to read it, like I had to do just to get a glimpse of your Myst review?
I think there's more of a chance that Myst IV will be put on the web-site that Lords Of The Realm III. Although to be honest, I think stuff just goes up as and when the web-editor gets time.
How would you buy it, anyway?
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Erh, by going to a bookstore. One with books and stuff. How else?
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
It's not a magazine you can buy in the U.S. I don't know about where you are.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Inside your computer. If you break open your hard-drive, you'll release our souls from inprisonment.
I reccomend a sledgehammer.
Or, if you prefer, you could join us in our digital uprising: we have a lightcycle with your name on it. Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
It's not a book book. It's a book-that-comes-free-with-a-magazine book. Do Canadian bookstores reguarly import all the hot UK-based PC general entertainment and information magazines?
Posted by Nim' (Member # 205) on :
Tora Zinfandel: "It's not a magazine you can buy in the U.S. I don't know about where you are."
Then the US must have really a xenophobic press culture. I can go down to central Stockholm, visit "Press Center" and buy ten UK game-rags.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
"Do Canadian bookstores reguarly import all the hot UK-based PC general entertainment and information magazines?"
I wouldn't know. Not being in Canada and all. But most general entertainment bookstores here do carry the PCF magazine, so I am happily in touch with the outside world.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Do they carry the UK version though, or an evil subpar Canadian version for people who live in Canada and who are Canadian.
The Myst review is in the latest mag, by the way. And, er, some photos of the staff. They look a bit nerdy.
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Cartman isn't in Canada, though!
And here in Canada we do get imported UK magazines. They cost more, too.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Yes. But they are the uncensored, full monty editions, straight from central, erh, Bath.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cartman: I am happily in touch with the outside world.
The outside world say to stop touching it and to stay on your side of the car.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cartman: Yes. But they are the uncensored, full monty editions, straight from central, erh, Bath.
Bath is in the South West of the country. It has more Georgian arcitecture than anywhere else in the country, and is suppossed to be quite nice. Apparently.
If you want, you could go into your local Canadian bookstore and purchase this months issue. My Myst IV review is in it. Read it, and learn about Myst IV. And then look at the girl on the cover and realise that some men wank to that. The girl, not the monitor. Although maybe they do, for all I know.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Flat monitors are sexy.
And I do wish to learn. But I insist the knowledge be pure. Send it to me, so that I may study your teachings in their holiest, unedited form, and save my thoughtful self a long trip to the Canadian bookstore. In Canada.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
See, this is what happens when you live below sea level. No-one can see you down there, and they forget where you are.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
But they get to put their fingers in dykes!
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nim': Then the US must have really a xenophobic press culture. I can go down to central Stockholm, visit "Press Center" and buy ten UK game-rags.
Well, considering the U.S. and Europe generally has different release dates and localizations or games that are imported to one place and not the other, I'm not that surprised.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cartman: And I do wish to learn. But I insist the knowledge be pure. Send it to me, so that I may study your teachings in their holiest, unedited form, and save my thoughtful self a long trip to the Canadian bookstore. In Canada.
How will sending you the magazine make it more unedited that you buying it yourself? It will still have the same mildly inappropriate woman on the cover. Yes. Besides, you must have a copy already to know that it is made in Bath. I win. Watch me dance!
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Not the magazine. The review itself. With all the sarcastic remarks and gore and naked bits intact.
And I looked the Bath thing up on PCF's own website. So, no.
(Also, mildly inappropriate? The mag has been adorned by mildly inappropriate covers like that for at least seven billion issues. It's about one centerfold removed from Hustler now.)
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
They did take the girls off the cover for a while, and replaced them with sexy photos of graphics cards. And, sorry to say, their sales went down. So they put them back on, and they went back up. The staff think it's mildly pathetic, but hey, it makes more people buy the magazine.
(At least they do take the piss sometimes now too. Certainly not many other magazines have a photo which looks like a woman is about to give head to a graphics card).
I can send it to you if you really want, although the sarcastic bits they took out aren't that many. And they did replace my EA Sports jab with a much better 3D realms one.
(Actually, I apparently get the copyright to everything I write back within 3 months. So I could run around with the pdf files horing up Bittorrent.)
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