I want to isolate discussions regarding proposed plans to send condolences to John's immediate family onto this thread. That being said, whatever you want to discuss or how you want to do this, please present it here. My personal feeling is that the other thread regarding the longevity of these forums should be left as such.
Carry on.
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
I called the mortuary, and they're going to give my name and phone number to the family. Unfortunately they don't forward condolences or take messages, so I couldn't leave a message saying where I knew John from. It's up to them to contact me.
I also got the directions to his grave site. I will visit on Sunday as planned and take some pictures, but the guy at the cemetery told me that he has no headstone. The family didn't buy one and they don't ask why. His grave just has grass over it, so I'll take some pictures of the surrounding area as well.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
Probably can't afford it. Those things cost a LOT.
Which...might be a nice gesture.
Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
Stickied.
I really don't know about a headstone. Either they just didn't want one, or they couldn't afford one (which means they have more pressing financial needs we could donate to).
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
I thought I'd mention, it might be a nice idea in light of all of this for all of you Flareites who would care whether or not the rest of us would be informed in the event something happened to you, to let your family know where to go and what to say.
Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
A common thing would be for a bank account in their daughter's name. Something to at least assist in her future. I wouldn't mind dropping a few bucks for her, provided that my bank would allow me to do so.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
And if we couldn't do that, we could always have Diane serve as a collection point for donations for Flareites, which she could then give to Jay's family from all of us.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Questtion then becomes, do we organise some sort of collection, probably using PayPal with Diane as administrator (if you're willing, I can't think of anyone more conveniently situated and who we'd all trust) and see how much accrues and then decide what to do with it; or, do we identify a goal/target and collect towards it?
The former option is the easier to just get on with right now.
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
The Paypal idea seems fine to me. I would be honored to serve as the administrator. Let's wait a few days to see if they contact me though.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Lee, we can do both, set a goal and, if our lame asses miss it those that donate can decide how it will get used.
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
Last call for the memorial thread. Printing it tomorrow morning.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
Was what I wrote, OK?
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
You're fine, Andrew. There's no "right" way to do it.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
So, what is happening on this front?
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
I will post some pictures from the cemetery when I get a chance. No word from the family so far.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Wow, I just looked at your 3 feb 9:09 Am post and mine. It seemed like your post was more like two or three days before mine. Maybe that thread here about light slowing down is true, that day seemed to take several days.
Sorry for the rush.
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
Here are the pictures from the cemetery. It was pouring hard Sunday morning and the drive up was a little scary.
You can tell John's grave is recent by how the grass is darker. It was kind of startling to see.
I saw this a few spaces down - a grandmother?
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
It looks a nice enough spot...
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Such a flat place, no towering head stones.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
Yes, it's not something I'm accustomed to seeing in a cemetery, but let's hope it's what he wanted, and not due to lack of money (that he has no headstone).
Posted by B.J. (Member # 858) on :
All the cemeteries I've seen recently have grave markers rather than headstones. My grandparents and my mother-in-law all have them. Although theirs also have a small hole for a flower vase.
In any case, Jay's spot does look nice, being near the trees and the hills.
Diane, did the mortuary specifically say the family didn't buy a marker/headstone, or did they say he just didn't have one now? I ask because it took around 6 months after my mother-in-law's funeral for her grave marker to arrive and be put in place.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Diane are all the headstones identical? They seem to be.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
My understanding is that some cemeteries these days won't allow stand-up headstones. It's so that, when they mow the grass, they don't have to work around them. The flat ones, they can just go right over with the lawnmower.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Having run a weed whacker at a cemetery I know what it is like moving all around a monument and moving to the next.... Time consuming and very very boring.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
We have a lot in common, Ritten...
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
You poor poor kid, get an education and run away from real life as fast as you can. Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
There is a possibility that a headstone may have been purchased but is still not ready for the plot. When my brother's friend passed away last year, he was interred in a mausoleum, but the crypt panel that was supposed to bear his name did not appear for 6 months. A temporary one was in its place during that time.
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
The guy I called at the cemetery said he doesn't have a headstone. I asked why, and he said "the family didn't buy one, and we don't ask why." But it is possible that it just hasn't arrived yet or they haven't bought one thus far.
Not all the headstones look the same. If you look at the Darlyne one and the one in the second picture, they have different designs. You can pick the design when you buy one.
Most or all the cemeteries that I've driven by in the LA area have flat headstones, for the reason that Tim mentioned.
There was a hole in the ground where you can put flowers. See the second picture with the brown disc with a bar down the center - that's the cover. I looked at the other flower holes, and I think you have to lift the cover (which has a hollow cylinder attached) and turn it upside down or something to make a "vase". But when I lifted the cylinder, the sides were FILLED with bugs crawling around. So I said forget that.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
I've ben in Italy for the past week, so this is the first time I've been able to check in. Looks like a nice spot. Thatnks for taking the time to go up there, Diane.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Well.....fuck.
I've been in hospital for the past two weeks and missed all of this.
Makes you think on mortality. Jay deserves a headstone- here in Florida we only have those depressing markers (the water table is too near the surface for heavy headstones or somesuch) and visiting a grave is just not the same.
Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
Yeah, I actually dont dee many new headstones around here. A lot of moseleums though.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
Some people might not want a headstone. I personally see it as much more important that there are living relatives and friends to remember you and keep pictures and so on than to have a rock in a field that's rarely visited. It's just my opinion, but it feels like a waste of space - after the first few months, they really are very rarely visited. If ever.
Posted by The Ginger Beacon (Member # 1585) on :
I've tried to find my grandmothers grave in India. She died in '61, and for whatever reason the records for the graveyard, which is attached to the small hospital she died in, are long gone.
The headstones were all badly worn, but at least it gave us an idea as to where she was, as we found two identical stones next to eath other, and we knew she was buried next to her mother who died there the year before.
It helped to have something physical there, a solid link to someone I had never met.
Posted by Pensive's Wetness (Member # 1203) on :
How do Hindu's inter thier deceased?
Funny. I finally bought a headstone for my Grandmother last year. Though she's been gone since 1989, i still wasn't visiting the correct spot (Lotta trees along the wall, i kept laying model kits & flowers on the wrong spot. Epic Fail, ladies...)
/me respectfully drives the topic off road a moment
My brother's ashes are in his room at home. Dad hasn't... well, done much with them, yet. I know my bro wanted at least some of his ashes put into the flowers that grow around our house. I wonder when i should do this. It's really hard to talk to Dad about this...
anyway. Death is part of the Tree of Life. Pink Floyd coined such dark thoughts well enough. Go Huggle your loved ones... Posted by The Ginger Beacon (Member # 1585) on :
Mostly Hindi cremate the dead. There are alot of rituals involed before and after, and the remains are collected and taken to a river, often the Ganges - considered very sacred (a living incarnation of a goddess), and scattered in the water.
As for my grandmother she was a Christian, which is surprisingly common in India, and is why she was buried.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
I want one of those crazy wind-sock-man things for my headstone.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
I am taking after the Hindi, less waste of space.
Posted by Peregrinus (Member # 504) on :
Ritten, look into one of those places that will take your ashes and heat and compress them into a synthetic diamond. Takes up even less space, and is pretty, too.
--Jonah
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
STIll plan on being eaten.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Peregrinus, now that is an idea, then my wife can wear me all the time.
Shik, for pleasure?
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
As body disposal.
Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :
quote:Originally posted by Peregrinus: Ritten, look into one of those places that will take your ashes and heat and compress them into a synthetic diamond. Takes up even less space, and is pretty, too.
Oooh, I like that.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Well, after I am gone Shik I guess it wouldn't matter much.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
I find the idea of wearing a dead loved on on a ring disturbing in the extreme. I plan to be cremated (burned on a pyre floating on a lake would be the coolest but that just won't happen), but, if I happen to get rich before I die, I'm rather considering cryogenics. I mean, I'm dead anyway, what have I got to lose by trying?
Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
Well, if I am hated by my family, I will have myself taxadermied, so that they have to look at me forever. Then again, I could get sold at a garage sale. I can see the sign now. Used husband. $25 or best offer.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
You think she'll want that much for you?
I would rather be a necklace, closer to her... mmmm, heart, yeah, her, mm, heart.
Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
I'm hoping, especially if I paid more than that for her.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
Ritten: How about a belt buckle? God that's morbid...
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Dang you Dan, I should have though of that.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
Now that I know, I'll keep checking the thread. I'll help if I can with anything you guys want to do as a forum.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Kosh, I'd like to introduce you to our Resident schmuck and his side kick Kick Me.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
It's bold cuz I'm an attention whore Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
Kick-Me reporting for duty sir!
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
Well, I guess it's time we had a Resident Schmuck, and what better name for a Side Kick?
Sorry to hear about Jay. We lost a guy at Ex Isle recently. His Daughter also posts there, so we were up on his condition. Cancer sucks. We lost a Son-inLaw to cancer in the summer. 35 years old.
Posted by Mars Needs Women (Member # 1505) on :
What a minute, it took me 800 posts to be able to customize my title. How does this kid get his name change after 100+ posts?
About Caner: Is it me or does seem that more and more people are dropping like flies from cancer every year? Like Epidemic proportions.
Posted by B.J. (Member # 858) on :
Nature seeks balance, Mars. We start getting to be too many, Nature starts coming up with more and interesting ways to kill us. Especailly since World Wars are starting to become pass�.
Our neighbour-but-one just lost a long and ugly bout with stomach cancer last Sunday. And, of course, I was minutes from death due to complications of Crohn's Disease just over two years ago.
--Jonah
Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
"What a minute, it took me 800 posts to be able to customize my title. How does this kid get his name change after 100+ posts?"
Because, Dan needed a side-kick, and I am the easiest one to kick being the newbie and all.
Posted by Mars Needs Women (Member # 1505) on :
Prepare for a lifetime of gay jokes about you and Dannyboy Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
That would be different from anywhere else I go because...?
And I do agree. Mars does need women. Maybe some trees too.
Posted by Mars Needs Women (Member # 1505) on :
...And an Congressional inquiry into Batman and Robin comics and their corruptive influence on the youth of America. Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
I hate super heroes. Never liked batman, superman, spiderman, aqua man (who has all the same powers of spongebob square pants), or any other _____ man. Not even wonder woman.
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
I liked Batman when I was very young, but even then I thought there was something fishy about Robin.
Cancer is getting epidemic because of all the chemicals in the air, water, food - even clothing.
Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
Yeah, Robin is the main reason I never watched Hero cartoons. Something about GROWN MAN IN A SKIN-THIGHT BODY SUIT didn't sit right at the age of 5.
I just lost an uncle to brain cancer. He had it all planned out, so there were no surprises, but still..... unexpected.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
The thights sit right now though?
It would be nice to be able to face your demise peacefully enough to plan it. I do not know if I would do that.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
quote: About Caner: Is it me or does seem that more and more people are dropping like flies from cancer every year? Like Epidemic proportions.
Jeff Healey a few days ago, and I heard today that Patrick Swyasie in in hopital with a rare form of Cancer.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
It was the ghost of Brad Westlake!! He cursed them all!
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
So, mmm, uhhh, any word yet?
Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
If there isn't anything else, I think it is time that we closed and unstickied this thread. Of course the other thread can remain open.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
It's sad we can't do any more, but we've made the best, most respectful attempt we can reasonably do to contact his family and pass on our condolences. For them it's been nearly six months since he passed away, I'm sure they miss him but why stir up their grief again?
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
I'd like to mention something I've been thinking about - if anyone here wants the members of Flare notified in the event something happens to them, I think they should make sure to tell their families about it, so the rest of us will be notified.
Posted by The Ginger Beacon (Member # 1585) on :
Probably an idea these days to make a note of silly little things, like us, and put it in your safe box in case of the unexpected.
I think that given our sidetracking we should probably close the thread. It's important that all who wanted to have said their piece, but we should probably stop this thread wandering off further than it has.
Oh and thanks Diane for all you've done on this one.
Posted by Sean (Member # 2010) on :
Dan has a point there. Might be something to look into.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
quote:Originally posted by Daniel Butler: I'd like to mention something I've been thinking about - if anyone here wants the members of Flare notified in the event something happens to them, I think they should make sure to tell their families about it, so the rest of us will be notified.
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