The European Economic Community's
Version of the English Language!Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough.
What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy.
Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter. There would be growing enthousiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend.
By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
--Bolu
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[This message was edited by Baloo on June 10, 1999.]
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"Everything I needed to learn in life I learned from Optimus Prime."
Rule #2 : No matter how evil your enemy is always show him mercy when he attempts to surrender.
At least it is on American television.
--Baloo
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American Society of Newspaper Editors motto:
"Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)".
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Clones are People Two
"The Force is like duct tape: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together"
([[[[[[*]}�������������������������
That little bit has been kicking around since before the wired era.
Besides, the term EEC hasn't been used since 1986, I think. It was then the EC and was then the EU in 1992.
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"A Star Wars picture that preaches against greed is a little like Bill Clinton in the pulpit for a chastity-begins-at-home campaign."
-Rex Murphy on Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
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"I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
- Monty Python & The Holy Grail
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"Gone savage for teenagers with automatic weapons and boundless love."
--
Soul Coughing
"EEeewww!"
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American Society of Newspaper Editors motto:
"Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)".
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
The Germans seem to have this need to control the EU, but they will not succeed. Straight bananas, and size restrictions on fish caught? Yeah right.
I'll just point out that it's not just the Germans who propose these things, but they are usually the leaders of the barmy armies.
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The public has spoken. Common sense has prevailed. We have been returned what was wrongly taken away from us. All hail COCO POPS!!
Hope you get everything sorted out before the next millenium!
--Baloo
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American Society of Newspaper Editors motto:
"Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)".
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
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"Gone savage for teenagers with automatic weapons and boundless love."
--
Soul Coughing
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American Society of Newspaper Editors motto:
"Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)".
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
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Please excuse the bad spelling.
About 15 years ago I saw a magazine article about an educator somewhere in the US who was campaigning to convert (American) English to phonetic spelling. He had devised a new alphabet of about 30 symbols. Many were as we know and love them, but there were also all new characters for CH, TH, SH, etc.
[Looks for Unifon website(s)...]
http://locke.ccil.org/~cowan/csur/unifon.html
Of more interest is Mark Twain's take on the simplification of the English Language:
http://www.ae.utexas.edu/~london/humor/markTwain-spelling.html
--Baloo
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American Society of Newspaper Editors motto:
"Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)".
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
Hey, finally a text that's like my way of speaking English!
The English speaking community should be glad this is only sneering, while German language was actually supposed to be extensively reformed. Now it's (gladly) a reduced reform keeping the appearance of written language, but giving many words extremely silly spelling ("Ketschup" is only a trivial example). Even worse, many words that have been written as one long word so far (typically German) are now ripped apart so it's hard to read and to see the context. I'm writing lots of text every day, and I don't see the slightest improvement in it, only the difficulties to accustom to the new spelling, so I decided to boycott the language reform.
If something is typically German, then it's the idea of regulating everything. If there's no need, it is discussed until finally everyone has the impression it has to be done.
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"No, thanks. I've had enough. One more cup and I'll jump to warp." (Janeway, asked if she would like some coffee in "Once upon a Time")
www.uni-siegen.de/~ihe/bs/startrek/
See, I TOLD you they were all mad!
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"In my defence that bush is actually quite big"
-M the F