posted
I found this in, of all places, a military humor website. Is the EEC really trying to standardize English?
The European Economic Community's Version of the English Language!
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough.
What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy.
Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter. There would be growing enthousiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend.
By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
--Bolu
------------------ American Society of Newspaper Editors motto: "Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)". www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
[This message was edited by Baloo on June 10, 1999.]
posted
In a cheezy Hollywood-style movie about WW II, that would be the accent of the thin German officer with a scar and no sense of humor. The accent used by the comical, fat German NCO is quite different.
At least it is on American television.
--Baloo
------------------ American Society of Newspaper Editors motto: "Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)". www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
posted
*LOL* exactly what i was thinking. it kind of went from gibberish to a 'freudian' thing, to stereotypical nazi-germany *L* i was laughing so hard i almost couldn't breathe...sad as that is. *L*
------------------ Clones are People Two
"The Force is like duct tape: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together" ([[[[[[*]}�������������������������
That little bit has been kicking around since before the wired era.
Besides, the term EEC hasn't been used since 1986, I think. It was then the EC and was then the EU in 1992.
------------------ "A Star Wars picture that preaches against greed is a little like Bill Clinton in the pulpit for a chastity-begins-at-home campaign."
-Rex Murphy on Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
posted
EU! EU! Learn this name well puny Americans! For soon we shall dominate the world! And then we'll see how long you can keep calling an elusified high-fat offultube a sausage!
------------------ "I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
------------------ American Society of Newspaper Editors motto: "Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)". www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
posted
From the sound of things, "distant future masters" is more accurate.
Hope you get everything sorted out before the next millenium!
--Baloo
------------------ American Society of Newspaper Editors motto: "Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)". www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
posted
I'm certain the Germans are tired of getting all those "defective" curved bananas and want to see what they look like before the Central American Banana Factory puts that bend in 'em.
------------------ American Society of Newspaper Editors motto: "Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)". www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
posted
After that, it's time to fill-in all those defective donuts. They're full of holes!
About 15 years ago I saw a magazine article about an educator somewhere in the US who was campaigning to convert (American) English to phonetic spelling. He had devised a new alphabet of about 30 symbols. Many were as we know and love them, but there were also all new characters for CH, TH, SH, etc.
------------------ American Society of Newspaper Editors motto: "Proudly Maintaining the (Continued on Page A-4)". www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
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