Flare Sci-Fi Forums: God Works in Mysterious Ways..

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Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :

I work with a Christian. And he's vehemently trying to convert me; 'bring more over to the right side of the force!!' He sent this to me today - and figured I share with everyone... I got a good chuckle.

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods

admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a
rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge
towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the
path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so
scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He
looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically
and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and
fell to the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him: reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my
God!...."
Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and, even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light: "It
would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," the voice said.

The light went out.
The river ran again.

And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped its right paw.....brought both paws together ... bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food
which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

I've gotten this before. My friend it to me with the message "Christians don't get eaten by bears, Chris. Don't throw your future away."

It's an amusing story, though.

Posted by InFiNiTy is a (Member # 531) on :

Noo, come on! Now Omega will see it, and you cannot beleive the kind of stink he's gonna make about it. He might even quote in it in one of his arguments

Posted by LOA (Member # 49) on :

Oh, geez........ *sigh*

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

*LOL*

I love it!

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

No, Christians don't get eaten by bears. Christians get eaten by lions.

Yeah, I know, it's sick. Oh well... :-)

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

Hmph.

A Christian was walking through the jungle admiring all of God's wondrous plant and animal creations.

He got bitten by God's mosquito, contracted God's malaria, and would have died from it, except that as he was hiking out, he tripped over one of God's vines, fell into God's river, and was eaten by one of God's crocodiles.

And there was much rejoicing.

The End.

Posted by Jubilee McGann (Member # 99) on :

A pagan was walking through the woods, completely at one with all the God and Goddess had created in Unity.... admired the Trees, plants, animals, and bugs - all her sisters and brothers.

When the bear showed up, she stood perfectly still, in communion with it.

The bear wandered off.
The pagan wandered off, as well - more enlightened for her communion.

Pagans don't get eaten by bears, either. They make friends with them.

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

That's a pretty broad statement, considering all the different forms of "paganism" out there. After all, the atheist in the original joke didn't do that, and atheism is pagan. :-)

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

If the Atheist had been allowed in the Boy Scouts rather than being discriminated against, he'd have known that you run DOWN the path (downhill) to escape a bear, not UP it.

Posted by Jubilee McGann (Member # 99) on :

We're talking pagan, in the newer sense of the word, meaning a pre-christian nature based religion.

Atheism is not a religion. As far as I know.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

To be fair, unless pagenism now includes the ability to have a strong influence over the weak minded (*waves hands* "I am not the food you're looking for"), then you're still getting eaten.

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

But "paganism" doesn't mean "a pre-Christian nature-based religion". It means any religion that doesn't worship Yahweh, or, in some broader senses, any religion that isn't Christian. I, being an agnostic leaning on atheism, am pagan. And I'd appreciate if you didn't corrupt such terms. Or I'll do something like redefining "Wiccan" to mean "any sort of new-age return-to-nature wacko". :-)

Posted by Gurgeh (Member # 318) on :

I always took pagan to imply some kind of belief, although the second entry in dictionary.com says otherwise:

pa�gan (pgn)
n.
1. One who is not a Christian, Muslim, or Jew, especially a worshiper of a polytheistic religion.
2. One who has no religion.
3. A non-Christian.
4. A hedonist.
5. A Neo-Pagan.

However, as an atheist, I still wouldn't regard myself as pagan. Pedantically, I don't even really like the label "atheist", I'm just a normal person. It's those people that do believe in deities that require a label, not me.

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Tim: Wouldn't a better example be found in the whole "witch/wicca/lesbian" hornet's nest?

Gurgh: Er, not completely following you there. If you have to label something, then everything has to be labelled. So "aethism" is just as acceptable as "christian", just as "white" in as acceptable as "black", and "vacuum" is as acceptable as "matter".

You know, looking back at that story, it's, well, really bad. The aethist stood up for his beliefs. He refused hypocrisy in a way many aethiests don't (ie, praying when someone they know is sick - his cry of "oh my god" was a general exclamation), and he refused to make a last minute conversion to save his own hide. And he got eaten for it. Surely he should have been saved, then allowed to think about what he had seen. He'd have then - maybe - realised that God actually did exist, and he would have spend the rest of his life as a Christian, which is what God wants.

It also seems to imply that Christians are better than non-Christians, and they can eat them.

All in all, it's pants.

Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :

OH NOO.... I've created another monster !! *evil grin*

Posted by Joshy_79 (Member # 599) on :

OK this is my very very first post and I'm the guy that started the thread with that Joke (I gave it to my co-worker).

In response to the "Atheism is not a religion. As far as I know" comment we have to define "Atheism" which is according to Websters
a�the�ism (th-zm)n.

Disbelief in or denial of the existence of God or gods.
The doctrine that there is no God or gods.

OK so you have "no God" in the broader sense of the word- But What's this about Doctrine, more importantly what is Doctrine

doc�trine (dktrn)n.
A principle or body of principles presented for acceptance or belief, as by a religious, political, scientific, or philosophic group; dogma.

Atheism is in fact a Religion- It's a doctrine and therefore a belief which is essentially a "Religion"......
There you have it Atheism is in fact a "Religion" a poor excuse for one, but one non the less!

Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!! NOW look what i've done..

*Ducks and run -- looking over shoulder for launched bolders thrown by forum memebers!!*

Here ya go Omega- you've met your match here !!

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Well, of course it's a religion, if you define "religion" to be "any set of beliefs regarding the existence or nonexistence of deities".

Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :

I'm an agnostic unafiliated believer of sorts. In short, I consider myself of the type of Sagan's Eleanor Arroway. Read my .sig.

Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :

Language is not static. Word definitions change over time, like how the word "science" originally means "knowledge," period. If you want to talk corruption, the entire English language could be called "corrupted". It's called evolution.

Posted by Jeff Kardde (Member # 411) on :

Don't tell Omega ...

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

Yeah, I love the way language changes.

Like, back in 1780, 'well-regulated' meant 'properly drilled, maintained, and equipped,' and now it's supposed to mean 'drowned in red tape.'