posted
I work with a Christian. And he's vehemently trying to convert me; 'bring more over to the right side of the force!!' He sent this to me today - and figured I share with everyone... I got a good chuckle.
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods
admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell to the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him: reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and, even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out. The river ran again.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped its right paw.....brought both paws together ... bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
posted
I've gotten this before. My friend it to me with the message "Christians don't get eaten by bears, Chris. Don't throw your future away."
It's an amusing story, though.
-------------------- The philosopher's stone. Those who possess it are no longer bound by the laws of equivalent exchange in alchemy. They gain without sacrifice and create without equal exchange. We searched for it, and we found it.
posted
Noo, come on! Now Omega will see it, and you cannot beleive the kind of stink he's gonna make about it. He might even quote in it in one of his arguments
-------------------- Me- Hi Jen! What's up! Jen- You again??!?! Listen kid, I'm not interested in you. Stop bothering me, I'm a lot older than you and I have a boyfriend. How did you find my ICQ number anyways? Me- Oh, so just cuz you're a movie star now, and you're new album made millions, you think you're too good for me? Jen- Yes!!! Get it thorough your head! I am a person, I am not Jennifer Lopez the hottest woman on earth that everyone wants to sleep with, I'm a person, leave me alone!!! Me- Fine! Be that way! Me- Jen.... Where'd you go.... I love you... please come back.... please....
Registered: Mar 2001
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A Christian was walking through the jungle admiring all of God's wondrous plant and animal creations.
He got bitten by God's mosquito, contracted God's malaria, and would have died from it, except that as he was hiking out, he tripped over one of God's vines, fell into God's river, and was eaten by one of God's crocodiles.
And there was much rejoicing.
The End.
-------------------- "The best defense is not a good offense. The best defense is a terrifyingly accurate and devastatingly powerful offense, with multiply-overlapping kill zones and time-on-target artillery strikes." -- Laurence, Archangel of the Sword
posted
A pagan was walking through the woods, completely at one with all the God and Goddess had created in Unity.... admired the Trees, plants, animals, and bugs - all her sisters and brothers.
When the bear showed up, she stood perfectly still, in communion with it.
The bear wandered off. The pagan wandered off, as well - more enlightened for her communion.
Pagans don't get eaten by bears, either. They make friends with them.
-------------------- 'Your spirit will always be the light that guides me... that guides me forever...' - Whispers
posted
That's a pretty broad statement, considering all the different forms of "paganism" out there. After all, the atheist in the original joke didn't do that, and atheism is pagan. :-)
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
If the Atheist had been allowed in the Boy Scouts rather than being discriminated against, he'd have known that you run DOWN the path (downhill) to escape a bear, not UP it.
-------------------- "The best defense is not a good offense. The best defense is a terrifyingly accurate and devastatingly powerful offense, with multiply-overlapping kill zones and time-on-target artillery strikes." -- Laurence, Archangel of the Sword
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
To be fair, unless pagenism now includes the ability to have a strong influence over the weak minded (*waves hands* "I am not the food you're looking for"), then you're still getting eaten.
-------------------- Yes, you're despicable, and... and picable... and... and you're definitely, definitely despicable. How a person can get so despicable in one lifetime is beyond me. It isn't as though I haven't met a lot of people. Goodness knows it isn't that. It isn't just that... it isn't... it's... it's despicable.
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
But "paganism" doesn't mean "a pre-Christian nature-based religion". It means any religion that doesn't worship Yahweh, or, in some broader senses, any religion that isn't Christian. I, being an agnostic leaning on atheism, am pagan. And I'd appreciate if you didn't corrupt such terms. Or I'll do something like redefining "Wiccan" to mean "any sort of new-age return-to-nature wacko". :-)
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
I always took pagan to imply some kind of belief, although the second entry in dictionary.com says otherwise:
pa�gan (pgn) n. 1. One who is not a Christian, Muslim, or Jew, especially a worshiper of a polytheistic religion. 2. One who has no religion. 3. A non-Christian. 4. A hedonist. 5. A Neo-Pagan.
However, as an atheist, I still wouldn't regard myself as pagan. Pedantically, I don't even really like the label "atheist", I'm just a normal person. It's those people that do believe in deities that require a label, not me.
-------------------- "Out of doubt, out of dark to the day's rising I came singing in the sun, sword unsheathing. To hope's end I rode and to heart's breaking: Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red nightfall!"
posted
Tim: Wouldn't a better example be found in the whole "witch/wicca/lesbian" hornet's nest?
Gurgh: Er, not completely following you there. If you have to label something, then everything has to be labelled. So "aethism" is just as acceptable as "christian", just as "white" in as acceptable as "black", and "vacuum" is as acceptable as "matter".
You know, looking back at that story, it's, well, really bad. The aethist stood up for his beliefs. He refused hypocrisy in a way many aethiests don't (ie, praying when someone they know is sick - his cry of "oh my god" was a general exclamation), and he refused to make a last minute conversion to save his own hide. And he got eaten for it. Surely he should have been saved, then allowed to think about what he had seen. He'd have then - maybe - realised that God actually did exist, and he would have spend the rest of his life as a Christian, which is what God wants.
It also seems to imply that Christians are better than non-Christians, and they can eat them.
All in all, it's pants.
-------------------- Yes, you're despicable, and... and picable... and... and you're definitely, definitely despicable. How a person can get so despicable in one lifetime is beyond me. It isn't as though I haven't met a lot of people. Goodness knows it isn't that. It isn't just that... it isn't... it's... it's despicable.
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