Because the vacuum cleaner attachment is now standard
You know the deal: Answers must attempt to be funny, bonus points for innuendu.
1. Is it safe?
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
3. Why do Macs suck?
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ??
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
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Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000
[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited October 02, 2000).]
2 - Keeping your pants on.
3 - Why does the sun come up? And are the stars but holes in the great curtain of night?
4 - Not if we want to be politically correct!
5 - That depends on your definition of sci/fi, sir.
6 - Well no one got bombed!
7 - Patrick Stewart's cover of right said fred's "I'm Too Sexy" I'm dancing in front of the mirror already!
8 - Well, it depends on what you fill them with!
9 - FrankG, huh? Is he East coast or West coast? Did you download his stuff from Napster? If not, I don't think he has a case.
10 - Let's just say he'll think twice before visiting that dog pound again.
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Don't forget, I faked all the orgasms.
Sure it is! Why, it's a zeppelin named after the German Chancellor! What could be more safe?
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
From personal experience, DO NOT wear a white hood at an NCAAP meeting. And imagine everyone in their underwear. Except if it's at the Democratic National Convention. Ted Kennedy. No more, please.
3. Why do Macs suck?
Do they? I haven't tried. I don't think mine would fit in the floppy drive.
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
Um, they're both fucking stupid?
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
Being the first proponent of Masturbation in Sci-Fi, I would hope so! It's a shame that Lucas had to drop the 'D' at the end of Han. Damn Censors.
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ??
That lady. In water polo. Her exposure. Exuse me. Oh, and no Car bombs. Oh, and they had an Autralian-fest over here in North America. That Paul Hogan, he cracks me up.
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
Still in the mood, from that last answer, I'd say the Olympic Theme. Mine gets a gold medal in shot putting.
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
Okay, here's some logic.
Americans = synonymous with Shit.
Americans = also full of shit.
Therefore, if Americans are full of themselves, then they are full of shit. Statement is true.
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
I would imagine he'd be happy. I mean, Kathy Lee's been getting all the attention lately.
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
Well, I'm just amazed at the machines they must have. to be able to fit all of those squaking, yellow beaked mallards into something that grinds them into a sticky...um, oh, it's ducT? Forget it.
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"...you know, Omega, there's a phrase you might want to look up. It goes something like "paranoid arrogant fuckwit who has more chance of ejaculating to the moon than he has of ever convincing a girl that he's a viable prospect for marriage." -PsyLiam, September 16, 2000 10:23 PM.
[This message has been edited by Ultra Magnus (edited October 02, 2000).]
1. Is it safe?
Why, certainly... It's so safe, I'm going to let you go first...
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
At all costs, avoid unintentionally saying the word "penis".
3. Why do Macs suck?
For an extra twenty bucks, they'll even swallow...
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
Ye gods! I hate to even picture the offspring of such a coupling...
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
No! Talk like this, never Solo could! When he nine hundred years old is, perhaps best character he be, eh?
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ??
They were the first to introduce nude female wrestling as an Olympic sport.
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
Blink 182's "Dysentery Gary"? Or Frank Zappa's "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow"? Or maybe just Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot".
Then again, depending upon what you're doing in the bathroom, perhaps Michael Jackson's "Beat It" would make more sense...
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
Yes.
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
Will you still be around after he beats you up for making fun of Macs?
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
Y'know, if you wrap it tightly enough, you'd really be amazed at just how well it keeps the sperm from leaking through...
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"If the rope is a quarter of a Zeuslength in size, then the Defiant shalt most naturally be seven times the thirty-second part of a Zeuslength?"
-Boris Skrbic, 27-Sep-2000
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Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000
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Frank's Home Page
"Gardening for Dummies is too intense." - Rick
They can polka your eyes out.
.
2- What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
I can�t stress this enough: make sure your zipper is up BEFORE you go on stage
3- Why do Macs suck?
Because PC�s have the monopoly on blowing
4- Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
Wait for the autopsy results
5- Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
A close #2 is the stormtrooper who says, �Look, sir. Droids.� What a stud
6- Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ??
Katie Couric. She's so perky
7- What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
Rap. Sounds like what I do there.
8- Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
It�s awesome how full of ourselves we are
9- How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
Well, based on recent astronomical settlements against the tobacco companies�
10- What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
Last minute costume party outfit: the Tinman
[This message has been edited by Xentrick (edited October 03, 2000).]
(In reference to the polka thing.)------------------
It doesn't matter if you don't know what you're doing as long as you look good doing it.
[This message has been edited by fructose1 (edited October 03, 2000).]
No, it's extremely dangerous, and almost certainly fatal. But you're already strapped in, so off you go!
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
First speech, eh? Well, remember, 'da-da' and 'ma-ma' are really cliched. Try 'doo-bie.'
3. Why do Macs suck?
Because all other raincoats blow, and they wanted to be different.
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
BLEAH! What a revolting concept! I think that was outlawed with beastiality.
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
Yes. Everybody knows that the 'Gonk' droid stole the show.
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ??
Two words: Spiny Echidna.
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
The Alka-Seltzer jingle: "plop-plop, fizz-fizz, oh, what a relief it is...'
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
***Yes***
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
Nothing... but he WILL eat your soul.
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
Making a tape-origami replica of the M-25 London orbital motorway... What? Oh, that WAS the motorway?
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
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Frank's Home Page
"Gardening for Dummies is too intense." - Rick
Why do Macs really suck?
Because the vacuum cleaner attachment is now standard
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Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
Picture the entire audience young, hung, and naked...
3. Why do Macs suck?
How would I know, I'm a PC person damnit!!!
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
Yes, both are rather desparate...
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
Wait, there WAS a best Star Wars character?
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ?
Two words: Men's Gymnastics...
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
The theme song for "Goldfinger"
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
Oh, Americans are just full, of what I don't know...
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
One Hundred Trillion Million Billion Zillion Dollars
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
I've seen it used to restrain a guy to a table with legs spread out...
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So why don't we make a little room in my BMW babe
Searching for some peace of mind
Hey I'll help you find it
I do believe that we are practicing the same religion
- from the song "Fastlove"
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
Start the speach with the joke about the White man, the Black man and the Pollock.
3. Why do Macs suck?
The vacuum caused by lack of complicated circuitry and ability to build decent webpages. The vacuum can also be due to the moron-chip, which makes this computer easy to use for people who know nothing about computers(Ooh, chat rooms...), but impossible to use by people who know what they're doing("What the F? I'm trying to program here"). Still a third possibility of the vacuum is the inability to comprehend Microsoft.
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
Let's see. Mac users=computer morons. AOL users=Internet morons. Final answer: What was the question again?.
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
Because he found the Holy Grail, giving him everlasting life. He also hid in the coolers filled with Budweiser while terrorists hijacked the Millenium Falcon. If I remember right, he also converted a lesbian. That makes him #1.
But wait... Princess Leia tried to blow up the Blues Brothers. Never mind, she's really the best character.
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ??
Drugs. Drugs, drugs, and more drugs. That's all I saw of what everybody called "The Best Olympics Ever."
(How can anyone possibly think these were the best olympics. Everytime I turned on the TV I either saw Men's Gymnastics (never women's), Swimming, or Women's Track and Field. I never saw any of the good sports, c'mon!)
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs?
Runs over your neighbor's dog...
What's great for a snack, and fits on your back,
It's Log, Log, Log..
It's Lo-og, It's Lo-og, It's Big, It's Heavy, It's Wood
It's Lo-og, It's Lo-og, It's better than bad, IT'S GOOD
Everyone needs a log, everyone wants a log
Come on and get your log, you're gonna love it, Log.
"Log, by Blammo!"
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
Both. I think everyone's full of themselves, except my wife, who I just filled up last night...
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
He won't. He saw the legal tips on suing people. For using his name in this question, he's going to sue the Nikkon Camera Company. That's because they make the cameras that were used to capture the image of Sean Penn in the alley, who in turn subsequently attacked the photographer, who happened to know a relative of FrankG's, whose name was used in this question.
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
Torture. Someone Duct tapped someone else's butt hole and kept feeding them, and feeding them, and feeding them....
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Women are demons who make men enter hell through the gates of paradise.
[This message has been edited by Saiyanman Benjita (edited October 04, 2000).]
2. What is good advice for someone making his first speech?
Start with the joke about a priest, a rabbi, and a stripper going out to lunch
3. Why do Macs suck?
Because they just do
4. Is there a co-relation between Mac users and AOL users?
Mac users and AOL users are both and the same with one objective: to get laid
5. Han Solo is the best Star Wars character ever. Can you prove otherwise?
Can YOU prove that he was the best Star Wars character?
6. Can anyone think of why these were the "Best Olympics Ever" ?
Four words: Not on every channel
7. What is the best music to go to the bathroom to?
the soundtrack to Star Trek: First Contact
8. Are Americans really that awesome, or just full of themselves?
Why would I know, it's irrelevant data to me
9. How much will FrankG sue me for using his name in this question?
I think he would give you a proposition instead of the lawsuit, so I suggest you rent "Showgirls"
10. What is the most interesting use of Duct tape have you seen?
Ask Michael_T, he can tell you about that...
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Hey people, I'm at UC Berkley now... so if you see me post it's either because I'm bored or I got back my password from Michael
Saiyanman Benjita!
Second place goes to TSN for most innuendo...
And Frank, I promise the next set will be a little more Mac-friendly... a little.
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Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000
[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited October 08, 2000).]
No really I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible...
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Women are demons who make men enter hell through the gates of paradise.
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Teal'c: "I am a traitor to no-one."
Jaffa woman: "Except your god!"
Teal'c: "False god! Dead false god..."
-Stargate: SG-1, "Into the Fire"
But hey cool, Jeff... glad to see an idea of mine taking off.
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"You say don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems.
You say you'd never let me fall, from hopes so high.
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie." - Fiona Apple