There's a sort of historical inevitability about it all, really. Better to try and fail than not try at all, apparently. And if there was ever a time for this pic, it's now. I know what's going to happen. The question is, though, will it generate enough enties not related to you-know-what to convince me that these things are still viable?
Go to it, you know what to do. Judging next Monday.
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001
------------------
"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"
- Jay Sherman, The Critic.
Ross: Kool-Aid? I thought you said we'd be drinking blood wine!
Martok: Well, I did, but someone traded my blood wine for a new deflector!
Nog: Eep!
------------------
"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"
- Jay Sherman, The Critic.
Ross and Martok: Yes, master...
------------------
"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"
- Jay Sherman, The Critic.
------------------
"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"
- Jay Sherman, The Critic.
Nog: Now there are two Sith Lords! This is out of control!
------------------
"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"
- Jay Sherman, The Critic.
Ross: Uh-oh...I think we've been insulted.
Martok: I'm sure of it.
------------------
"You just push off....and the falling sort of happens on its own." ---Dave Titus
Martok: Well, I like candlelight dinners, walks on the beach, lots of bloodwine, and kittens. Oh, and I love to blow enemies up in glorious battles.
Nog: *sigh* Love Connection reruns...
------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor
"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
NOG: Welcome back to Noggy Springer!
DEFIANT CREW: Noggy! Noggy! Noggy!
NOG: Today we have Admiral Ross, and, Mr. Ross, you have a secret to share with us, don't you?
ROSS: Yes, Noggy, I do
NOG: Would you care to tell the Defiant what your secret is?
ROSS: Well, Noggy, I've been an Admiral for many years now. Before I arrived at Starbase 375, I used to work on a Klingon space station, as a liason. I met a Klingon woman there...
NOG: Was she a good looking Klingon?
ROSS: Oh, she was georgeous. You should have seen the cut she had in her uniform, man, that was some beautiful clevage! I know you would have liked her, Noggy.
NOG: I bet I would have. So, did you and this Klingon hook-up?
ROSS: Yeah, we hooked up a lot while I worked there. She was very rough, and I liked that kind of stuff...
DEFIANT CREW: Ohhhhh!!!
ROSS: Yeah, you people know what I mean. Well, I soon got transfered to Starbase 375, and ever since then, I have never found a woman quite like her. Unfortunatly, she's married.
DEFIANT CREW: OHHHHH!!! *few choice words heard from the crew as well*
ROSS: *standing* Hey, now, I was better then her husband! You, now, hey b****, shut up! I'll get my phaser rifle and blow all your a**es away!
*Odo is seen on the viewscreen holding Ross back*
DEFIANT CREW: Noggy! Noggy! Noggy!
NOG: Ok, ok, everyone calm down. So, she was cheating on her husband with you?
ROSS: That's right, Noggy
NOG: And who is the husband?
ROSS: Well, he's a general in the Klingon military, and I actually worked with him a lot during the war.
DEFIANT CREW: OHHHH!!!
ROSS: Yeah, I guess you could say we were sort of friends and whatnot
NOG: So, you cheated on your friends wife? Do you still want to hook up with her?
ROSS: Of course!
DEFIANT CREW: OHHHH!!!
NOG: Well, we have the husband, I believe is name is Martok, here with us tonight, he's backstage. *Viewscreen splits to show Ross and Martok* Are you going to tell Martok what has happened?
ROSS: Yes, Noggy
NOG: Well, let's bring out General Martok!
DEFIANT CREW: Noggy! Noggy! Noggy!
NOG: Hello General, good to have you here.
MARTOK: Hello, Noggy
NOG: I think we'll let Ross here tell you what he wants, so, go ahead Ross.
ROSS: Well, Martok, you know we've been working together a lot since the war, and, well.....I'm sorry, but I've been cheating on your wife
MARTOK: *stunned* You BASTARD! You %*##)%&#@&%)@&%)@ (something Klingon) *(%@&()#@%&*(@%!
*Martok rushes Ross, Odo and other henchman cover the stage*
*A bat'leth appears from nowhere and hits the TV camera, viewscreen shows nothing but static*
ROFL, oh, I amused myself...
------------------
"No, 3 & 6 are mandatory, so you only have to do them if you want"
Alex, fellow classmate, trying to explain an assignment (2/2/01)
Nog: So, Admiral Ross, let's talk about your view on the USA Election 2000.
Ross: Well, it all came down to inferior voting machines, Republican strong-arm tactics, and dimpled chads.
Martok: You miserable pa'ToK! Dimpled chads have no honor!
------------------
Nic: She's not a practicing lesbian. We need PRACTICING lesbians!
Me: I have a camcorder.
Nic: But no lesbians.
Me: Ahhh... no.
Nic: DAMN IT MAN! WE NEED LESBIANS! LOTS AND LOTS OF LESBIANS!
ICQ Conversation From January 23, 2001.
Bill Gates: You two are my trusted associates. What shall we do about Windows LCARS 4.7, gentlemen?
Ross: The code is buggy as hell. It crashes more than the Miranda class ships I used as canon fodder!
Martok: Perhaps today is a good day to die. I say we ship it!
------------------
Nic: She's not a practicing lesbian. We need PRACTICING lesbians!
Me: I have a camcorder.
Nic: But no lesbians.
Me: Ahhh... no.
Nic: DAMN IT MAN! WE NEED LESBIANS! LOTS AND LOTS OF LESBIANS!
ICQ Conversation From January 23, 2001.
Martok: "Well, Nog, as my colleague here had mentioned, traditional thinking holds that there is a connection between her "inprisonment" in the room and the rigorous gender boundaries of the day. But as I reread the text I find myself thinking more and more that Jane was in fact adhering to the ancient Klingon practice of bo'kamahi, or the subtle control through the maternal. By accepting Rochester's proposal she is not so much submitting to him, and by extension to the traditional female role in such a marraige as she is transcending that submission in a way that will leave her in true control of his House and fortunes.
Ross: "Nog, we've had this discussion before. I just don't see room for this interpretation of Bronte's work. Obviously, she was on Earth on the time, not Qo'noS."
Martok: "Bah! Charlotte had a Klingon soul!"
------------------
I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!
[This message has been edited by Sol System (edited February 19, 2001).]
Martok: "A barrel of bloodwine!"
Ross (thinking): "I don't like bloodwine. Maybe person number two is a better date."
------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."
- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)
Nog: There's no escaping this Reality TV crap, is there?
Sisko: Shhh... Ensign, get me a phone...
------------------
"People have the right to discriminate based on religion."
"There is no "seperation of church and state" in the Constitution"
-Omega, Jan 26 and 30, respectively
[This message has been edited by The_Tom (edited February 20, 2001).]
MARTOK: "YES! HA-HAA! It was GLORIOUS! ALL THEIR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"
NOG: *muttered* "GOD, that joke is getting old fast..."
------------------
"My knowledge and experience far exceeds your own, by, oh, about a BILLION times!" -- Q
[This message has been edited by Michael_T (edited February 21, 2001).]
------------------
I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!
Nog: *switches on viewscreen* "Ooh! My show's starting!"
Martok: "Say, Ross! What are we going to do tonight?"
Ross: "The same thing we do every night, Martok - try to invade Cardassia!"
Music: "They're Ross and Martok, yes Ross and Martok, one's an admiral, the other's a pa'takh! To prove their own opinions, they'll conquer the Dominion, they're Ross, they're Ross and Martok-tok-tok-tok-tok, Martok!"
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001
------------------
Here lies a toppled god,
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.
-Tleilaxu Epigram
Martok: Beligerent and numerous.
Nog: That's good, that's good. Nog is pro-war AND pro-family.
------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor
"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
Sisko: This is the last time I get a beta test version of Windows 3000. The Damn thing NEVER works.
Screen goes blank, and then a blue screen appears with the following words:
Windows has caused a fatal error at address 371FFFEE. This program will now self destruct
Nog: Not another fatal system crash......
*Defiant Explodes*
------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."
[This message has been edited by Tahna Los (edited February 22, 2001).]
------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."
------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001
*BOOT TO THE HEAD*
------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor
"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
"Here's the story, of a lovely Klingon, who was bringing up three very lovely targs..."
------------------
"I am slightly disturbed that a news station in the US would use the phrase 'to the max'. What's next? CNN saying 'Totally righteous murders?' BBC News 'Dude, like people were wasted yesterday'. The Times reporting 'Iraq bombed! For Great Justice!'?"
-Liam Kavanagh, 22.Feb.2001
Martok: "Hey hey hey, blipheads! What's sh-sh-sh-sh-shaking?"
--
A scene from "Martok Headroom"
------------------
I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!
Martok/Ross/Cats: How Are You Gentlemen?
*explodes on my own, saving you guys the trouble*
=====
Nog: Pong was never the same since they replaced the paddles with giant Klingon & Admiral Heads.
=====
Nog: Here is your Halloween present.
Martok: But Halloween is over.
Nog: Okay, then. It's your Christmas present from Saint Nick.
Martok: I wonder what's inside.
Nog: Suprise! It's your Grandma's skull!
Martok: POOR GRANDMA
=====
------------------
"...screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" - Omega.
Irony ensues.
Free Jeff K
I'll let you guys guess who is who.
------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor
"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
------------------
There's more to life than just sex...there's sex with chocolate.
Ross: "Our right flank is being hit hard, Ben. We need to commit the reserves or the whole front will collapse!"
Sisko: *offscreen, natch* "I'll see what I can do, Admiral, just as soon as we're through helping the Klingons. Chancellor, how are things going now?"
Ross: *thinks* "Oh, not again. It's always 'Martok, Mortok, Martok. . .'"
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001
------------------
"I am slightly disturbed that a news station in the US would use the phrase 'to the max'. What's next? CNN saying 'Totally righteous murders?' BBC News 'Dude, like people were wasted yesterday'. The Times reporting 'Iraq bombed! For Great Justice!'?"
-Liam Kavanagh, 22.Feb.2001
-------
Nog: I lost my ball.
Martok: Sorry.
Ross: I am an ape.
------------------
"This is such an amazingly minor complaint. Does anyone actually watch episodes anymore, or is it just a notebook + pause button exercise these days?"
-Sol System on what constitutes modern day Star Trek watching, 02-22-01
Martok: Just watching the battle, drinking a Blood.
Ross: True.
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001
Ross: Is that your final answer?
Nog: NO! Its 120 meters you twit! Say D! D!!
------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor
"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."
Martok: Well hello big boy...
------------------
The Worlds Ten Greatest 'Fucks' #3
What a stupid place to plant a fucking tree - Marc Bolan
The number of responses makes it very difficult to choose between any, and in a very real sense you're all winners. But in another much more real sense, Krenim's the winner, for the "please hold" gag (and mention should also be made of the "get off the screen!" one too - I've always wanted a helmsman to say that). Runners-up are Siegfried and Sol System.
Honourable mention must be made of Matt "The" 359's Springer Show - nice idea, but much too long. Less is more, or at least it is when I'm the judge! 8)
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001
Latimere: "Good, evening, I'm Jim Latimere, and welcome to a special broadcast on this, the hundredth anniversary of the founding of the Interstellar Alliance. Joining me are Professor William Exeter and Dr. Barbara Tashaki. Now, the first question is for Dr. Exeter. . ."
Exeter: "Wait - I'm Exeter? I thought that future human guy was Exeter!"
Latimere: "No, he's just credited as 'Man.'"
Exeter: "'Man?' What kind of a name is that? I suppose whn he gets to New Earth he'll meet up with his friends Dude, Chum, Pal, Compadre and Matey!"
Tashaki: "He can complain? I have to be female just because my hair is longer!"
------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001