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Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Some funny quotes:

quote:

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
* Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
* Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
* Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
* George Burns
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' "
* Sandra Bullock
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'"
* Jason Alexander (George Castanza on Seinfeld)
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
* Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
* Sharon Stone
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
* Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
* Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
* Arnold Schwarzenegger
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
* Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
* Tiger Woods
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
* Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
* Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
* Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
* Jack Nicholson

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Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000

[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited October 20, 2000).]

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Well, looks like I've got a new sig... :-)

BTW, maybe it's just me, but it seems like that Axl Rose quote would make more sense if it said "I scream", rather than "ice cream". It took me a while to figure out what the hell he was supposed to be talking about... *L*

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"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
-Yasir Arafat on religious wars

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

Me too.

BTW, I think you're right on the Axl Rose quote. Unless he's got some strange aversion to Chocolate Nut Fudge, I think it's safe to say it's 'I scream'.

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"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

A more skeptical soul might doubt the veracity of some of these.

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love's function is to fabricate unknownnness
--
E. E. Cummings
****
Read chapter one of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! And party everyday.

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

D'oh! I think it is supposed to be I scream... lemme fix it

------------------
Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

Some of these aren't true. I doubt Schwarzenegger can even say "thyroid." Jesse Jackson wouldn't say that. Tiger Woods wouldn't say that. Henry Kissinger wasn't that funny. Nicholson discovered after she was dead that the woman he thought was his mother was his grandmother, and it was his 'sister' who was really his mother.

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"So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts"

- Bloodhound Gang

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

How would *YOU* know they wouldn't say that? Last time I checked, Shik is the only person who's slept with/went to school with their kids/played midnight basketball with/ these people ;-)

------------------
Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

Stone the crows! Why are you all Yanks so literal? Exactly, how the fuck should I know what they'd say? I don't. but I doubt forinstance that Jesse would make a joke about homosexuals, he's too much the politico for that. And Tiger makes millions from Nike or whoever, hes not gonna slag their latest lines. OK?

------------------
"So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts"

- Bloodhound Gang

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

I think the comments would be on those stupid poofy hats with the pom-pom's, those checkered knee-high socks, and those wierd, baggy, butt short things. Not Nike, which is like a baseball hat and a t-shirt. Not many pimps wearing that stuff.

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"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods

Posted by The Talented Mr. Gurgeh (Member # 318) on :

Well, speaking as a pimp, I'd have to say I disagree with you there.

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"Unleash the armageddon,
So all the children go to heaven"

"Blue Skies Bring Tears"-The Smashing Pumpkins.

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Vogon: You have to realize, no matter how non-seriously you say something, that doesn't translate in text on the screen. If you're not spekaing literally, you have to make it a little more obvious... :-)

Gurgeh: No, if you're speaking as a pimp, you need to lisp a bit more, and then bitch-slap him.

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"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
-Yasir Arafat on religious wars

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Yeah,

use

lots

smileys

to connote non-seriousness...

*dang image-limits, :P*

------------------
Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Or get a sense of humour. That works too.

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"Why do you want to spend time with a deer? They're so stupid, they get hypnotized by headlights!" - Guido Anchovy

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Well, if he'd said anything funny, that would help, yes. But, he didn't, so no sense could have helped.

Then again, we all know that I have no sense, already, and it didn't help me, so maybe I'm wrong... :-)

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"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
-Yasir Arafat on religious wars

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Ha! I've got 178 cents right here, and that's not even counting all the change hidden under the refuse that sits underneath my monitor like some very poor tree skirt!

------------------
love's function is to fabricate unknownnness
--
E. E. Cummings
****
Read chapter one of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! And party everyday.

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

You guys are weird. IN a funny kinda way.

I suppose saying stone the crows means someones gonna think I like cruelty to animals...

thing with the internet is who takes it seriuosly? Noone with a brain, I hope. You gotta have a laugh or wheres the fun. So you got the Vogon poet guarantee: I will never say anything sertious here.*

These smileys are cool. Are there others? And whats with the dollar signs?

*Not a guarantee

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"So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts"

- Bloodhound Gang

Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Glad to see that someone else approaches spelling the same way I do. If you don't know how to spell something, use it multiple times in a post, and spell it differently every time. You're almost guaranteed to get it right once.

Well, Voggie didn't. But you get my point.

Sol: shame on you. You should give that change to the poor people. Or put it in a large bottle. Both are okay.

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"If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

Voggie? Thats very funny, Psy, I just flaming well hope it doesn't catch on.

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"So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts"

- Bloodhound Gang

Posted by Gaseous Anomaly (Member # 114) on :

Did someone mention...

A FLAMING!?!

*runs out to the shed and gets the carbon-subnitride flameflinger*

*returns with it*

*goes back for the carbon subnitride*

*returns with it*

*goes back for the flint and tinder needed to ignite the pilot flame*

*returns with it*

*spends 20 flaking the flint together*

*lies down*

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Remember December '59
The howling wind and the driving rain,
Remember the gallant men who drowned
On the lifeboat, Mona was her name.