Disclaimer: Some of you may not share the beliefs of me and what I say in this post, but I don't care for a flame war right now.
I don't think I've ever come here to rant before. I guess I'll just shoot from the hip...
This past week my family left town to go back to Indiana for a family gathering at my grandparents house. My dad and mom and little sister went. Me and my other sister (along with one of her friends) stayed home and took care of things. It's the first time that I can remember that my parents have left me on my own for this long of a period of time. And I have to say it has to be one of the greatest weeks of my life. I didn't really do anything, just sat at home taking care of the animals and running sprinklers/watering plants. I went out occasionally since my aunt, who lives 5 minutes away, kept inviting me and my sister over (although my sister always seemed to have an excuse not to come). It was just the fact that the three most annoying people in my life were absolutely gone. No listening to their annoying humor or nagging questions or having them try to pry into my life when all I want is for them to let me be and leave me alone. They hound me about when I will get a job, since I'm 19 and have yet to have a normal job (volunteering as a soccer referee for 8 years doesn't count). But it's the fact that they nag me about it that makes me not want to get a job. Because I know the instant I do go get a job, I'm going to have to listen to more annoying humor and "I told you so"s and hundreds of stupid nagging questions about my new job. Besides the fact that I am 19, I have no real reason to have a job. I'm not big on spending huge sums of money. A CD here, a DVD there, magazines every once in a while. I always had enough before (of course, this was while I got an allowance for a few short years), because money from birthdays and holidays always held me over. I never take money out of my bank account. Heck, I never even keep track of my bank account, my parents do.
I live at home and put up with their annoyance because I'm stick in a community college because of severe lack of motivation in schooling meant any normal college wont look at me. I'm still not even clear on what I want to do with my life at this moment. I don't know what kind of job or education I want or anything. I guess I just never got myself out of the "high school frame of mind", where your only future choices were which elective classes you wanted to waste your senior year with. I guess I am just really really opposed to change. I hate change. Its annoying to be completly used to something and then having to dump it and start over again.
During this week without parental supervision, I spent what was left of my cash (leaving me with a whooping $12) on phone cards so I could talk to Laura. You see, Laura and I have chatted in a Trek chat room for nearly 4 years now. We used to hate each other but...now we love each other. Literal love. Her relationship with her boyfriend of three years is ending (which, might I add, they also met in the same chat room). She's originally from South Carolina, which is somewhat close to where I am now (Pennsylvania), except a few weeks she moved to Seattle to live in her own apartment and be fully independent in life. Since she has no one she really knows out there except her ex, she's been talking on the phone with a lot of chatters. Specifically, me. I guess I should point out right now we've never met. We've just talked over the phone, traded pictures and stuff, etc. We talked almost every day that my parents were gone, for hours on end, about anything and everything. Her relationship with the guy who is now her ex, her relationship with me, and stuff that she misses from the chat room (she has no computer at the moment). And me and her want a relationship. I seriously love this girl, she's beautiful and wonderful and thinks like I do and makes me laugh and she's just exactly what I want. And she thinks the same of me.
But she's on the other side of the country. I've never gone on a vacation. I have no money except what is in my bank account, and I doubt if my parents will be fond of the idea of me taking money out of there (if there is even enough), and I don't think my parents will even like the idea of it all ("People on the internet aren't real"). And I dunno, this is a huge change. And I hate change. So I'm stuck in the middle. I hate change so I don't want a job and I don't want things to be different then what they are now, but I want to get out on my own and go see Laura and everything. I can't do the later without change though. It's a mental battle between what the two things I want.
My parents returned Friday, and I haven't talked to Laura since then, so I'm lonely and annoyed by my parents. I'm just wondering what the hell I'm going to do now. I think I actually for the first time in my life know what I want: I want to get away from my parents. I want to become independent. I want to meet Laura.
And I think I have my solution: I want to go to Seattle.
Now all I need is a serious kick in the ass so I can get some motivation to do this.
Maybe I'll look for a job tomorrow...
I hope this all made sense to those who read it. It's hard to write when there's a million things going through your mind.
Posted by Snay (Member # 411) on :
You're 19, and you don't want a job? That's a bit old to be living off allowance, regardless of how much you do or don't spend, don't you think?
I've worked pretty much since I was 16, starting with Subway as a "Sandwich Artist" in 1994. Went on to Blockbuster, Sam Goody, Domino's Pizza and now Papa Johns. If you've got a reliable car and live in a fairly safe area, look into delivery. It'll wreck your car, but you can probably make a few thousand dollars in a couple of months.
Charles and Simon are both in that area, they can probably give you an idea about the dreaded CoL in Washington. But expect to work your ass off ((50-60 hours a week, if not more).
As far as Laura ... you're not going to listen, but if she's getting out of a long term relationship, the absolute worse thing for a relationship between you two would be if you jumped into a relationship. She needs her space for a wide variety of reasons. Try and give it to her. But don't be a "friend" (or at least, don't fall into the "friend" category, 'cuz then you'll never be in the "lover" category).
[ July 14, 2002, 20:37: Message edited by: Snay ]
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
We've already discussed our relationship, and we both know we've felt this way about each other for a while. It was blatantly obvious her relationship with the other guy was doomed, even she said it herself. There's just other stuff about it that I can't exactly divulge (real long story, please don't ask).
And I don't get allowance anymore, I just live off of holiday money. And I know I should have done this years ago, but I'm stubborn.
Posted by Snay (Member # 411) on :
^ She might *say* that, she might *think* that, and she might even *believe* that ... but give her space.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
love. is. fleeting.
be. careful.
(and. get. a. job.)
Posted by Topher (Member # 71) on :
Sandwich Artists of the world unite! Posted by Dat (Member # 302) on :
I've never been in a relationship (never really sought to have one except once...she didn't want to have one and just wanted to be friends), so it's really up to you if you want to listen. I'd give her some room, time for her self to be alone so she can think about what she's been through and what she has in life. I don't know how long to wait, but do tell her that you're always there for her.
It would be wise to go look for a job asap. I know it's tough looking for one, so go to some staffing/employment agency. Call them up first and tell them you'd like their help. Go from there. They'll probably want to have you come to their office so they can size you up and see who you really are. You'll want to get some money first so if you do really want to go to Seattle, you've got the money. But, remember that it's a very big decision and so would take a lot of planning. And you'll want to do this before you head off anywhere. And take control of your bank account! Finally, about you're parents' nagging. If you don't get a job, you know they'll continue. Once you do get a job, they'll eventually stop
Posted by Ed BWC (Member # 818) on :
I work in Dixeland, the larget Confederate shop in North Carolina, and weve got an opening...
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
*shudders*
Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
The job situation in Seattle is suck. Beware.
If you are quite serious about moving over here, let me know and I can give you some pointers.
[ July 14, 2002, 22:46: Message edited by: Charles Capps ]
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
Moving to Seattle, if I do decide to do that, wont be for at another 6 months, and more then likely over a year away, because I'm still doing the community college thing here. And I have to get my parents to like the idea.
Blah, this is why I never rant
[ July 14, 2002, 23:00: Message edited by: The359 ]
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
My living situation. Oh, my. Oh my indeed. It is unique, my living situation. No, no, that is not true. It is not unique. But it is not a living situation from which anyone could derive much in the way of useful information. It involves a great number of late-night visits to 7-11, there to dine on things long since past their prime. It also involves going home for the summer.
Plus I live in Eastern Washington, and Charles, bless his heart, is originally from CALIFORNIA, which is a place...oh my, it is a place.
Anyway, my friend, my numbered friend, you and I are on a wavelength together. We're occupying a node. I could tell stories. Perhaps I will.
But if you really want to live, if only for a time, in or around the greater Seattle area, and are unsure of where you want your education to lead, might I suggest examining the following links:
Ok, I'm starting to get tired of pasting these. There are a lot of colleges in and around Seattle. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and I can make no claims about the quality of the examples chosen. (Aside from two: The University of Washington is a Major School, as west coast state universities go. Good place to study medicine or, I think, marine biology. Those amazingly keen deep-sea vent ecosystems get a lot of attention from UW students. Also, people seem to say good things about the Seattle network of community colleges. Oh, and the Art Institute is well-respected, but not exactly easy to get into.)
Going to school on the other side of the continent is not going to be easy, and it certainly isn't going to be cheap. (As an undergraduate non-resident, expect to pay $5,089 per quarter to attend UW, with a tuition increase (Oh, how I cannot wait for the upcoming statewide tuition increase!) coming next year.)
But, if you are serious about wanting to enact some real change in your life, going to school in a far-off part of the Republic has its benefits. Not to mention that, should all things not turn out peachy with this distant girl, you will not have wasted your time.
While Charles can provide the sort of day-to-day living information, I can share at least some tiny amount of knowledge about going to college in the area. (UW: rainy. CWU: windy. WSU: beer-tinted. Evergreen: hippy.)
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
I should point out that, technically, she does not live IN Seattle, we just merely say Seattle for simplicity sake. She actually lives in Ellensburg.
But I dunno about all of this right now. It's an idea that simply seems to work with the way things are right now. I make no guarentees.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
I live in Ellensburg.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
I do beleive that's your key, Young Mister Dock. A Simonizer meet. With boinky. But not with Simon. Since he shall shame you. Oh, the shame.
Evergreen State College...home of the fighting Geoducks, the best mascot ever. Better than the UC-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs, in fact.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
I've been there.
No, not to Seattle. In The359's position, which I estimate somewhat resembles the scenario described below:
Hates change. Hates current life. Suffers from a bad case of catch-22. Jobless. Involved in a veeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy long-distance relationship. Flat broke. Lonely.
I can see how that might be a bit depressing.
You've got two choices here.
1) Continue to wallow in self-pity. 2) Kick yourself in the butt and land yourself some work, even if it is parttime.
Option number two, my friend, is the road to better circumstances. Take this advice... it comes from someone who knows.
(I'm about to hit the reply button, and WinAmp is playing I'll Stand By You. Weird.)
[ July 15, 2002, 03:21: Message edited by: Cartman ]
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
I can certainly understand how you hate change -- I really resisted taking a job when I got back home a little more than a year ago. But there really are benefits... even if you get a part-time job (say 25 hours a week -- that's only 5 hours a day, Monday-Friday), that's enough to put several hundred dollars in your account every few weeks. You'll have an opportunity to get out and do something, gain "workplace experience" (which sounds really corny, but is actually pretty important for when you need to get a "Real Job"). It may not be the greatest thing, but it's still an activity, which is a heck of a lot better than sitting at home on your ass for the entire summer, no matter how appealing that might sound.
You'd be surprised just how (relatively) far a dedicated and fairly intelligent person can get, even in an entry-level job. I will admit that I've been working at the same store for four years (on and off; I was away at college for two years), and I'm now an assistant manager there, with somewhat more decent pay than the (mostly) mentally deficient kids and thugs that the boss hires. Because I'm always on time for work, and I put a lot of effort and dedication while I'm on the job, I got noticed and earned a bit of appreciation. Okay, so some more money would certainly have been nice -- a big fat bonus or something -- but appreciation and the knowledge that you're doing a good service to others can give you a morale boost as well. It's what's kept me going this past year. It's more than the money, to me -- it's the attitude.
So I strongly suggest that you get out there and do something!
As for your parents saying "I told you so" -- you may be assuming too much there. Without knowing anything about them, I would venture to suggest that they'd just be happy that you got a job, and not rub it in your face. (I would hope, anyway.) In any case, if they really do bug you like that after you do get a job, tell them once that they were right after all, and try to leave it at that. That might get them off your back a bit.
Hope this helps you out some. Good luck.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
I'd say that it's definitely time to start scouting out a job. I don't think it's odd that you're 19 and haven't yet had a regular job because that's how old I was before I got one. Even then, there's some room for debate there since it was working the dorms.
I say take whatever job you can find right now. If you can, head towards something like data entry or general office work. The money's not great and the work can get boring, but it is a steady source of income.
As far as your annoyance with your family goes, oh, yeah, I have been there big time. The good news is that once you start spending less time at home, the easier it gets to deal them and the less annoying you perceive them to be. But the end of high school, I was counting down the hours to when I could move the hell out. As soon as I left, things got better (and I wasn't even moving that far -- just to the other side of the city).
With Laura, make sure to talk to her about your plans to move. I mean really sit down and discuss it at length. Be very honest with her and encourage her to do the same. This is a big move for the both of you, and you need to decide if this absolutely the best and right thing to do.
Good luck, Matt.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
Grow up, get a job.
Sucks, but it's life. In my house it was , you want to eat, get a job.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sol System: But it is not a living situation from which anyone could derive much in the way of useful information. It involves a great number of late-night visits to 7-11...
Unfortunatly Simon, Matty here isn't looking for advice on where he can copy your fabulous hair-style.
Ha!
Mostly, I'm going to have to agree with everyone else here. Suck it in, and get a job. Not getting one because your parents want you to have one is the sort of excuse you use when you are 12, not 19. And you'll stop being financially dependendent on your parents too, which is always useful (and don't say you are. I doubt that you are paying for all your food with that holiday money).
And regarding woman, be careful. The list of people who start dating after meeting on the internet and who suffer horrible pain despite insisting at the start "it's different with us! We really do love each other" is about as long as Simon's Sizer.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
don't burn the bridge behind you.. your parents are your ticket out of bad situations, until you have enough money saved or a job that pays too much.. i thought i could get by on my own when i was 19, because i had a few thousand dollars saved... a few months later, my car died and i lost my job and my roommates renegged on our rent agreement, leaving me broke and helpless, and living check to check isnt the life you want for yourself. i tried to fight it out on my own and it cost me four semesters of school and every dime i had, as well as my stomach lining, before i sucked it up and went to my family for help.
ive thought i was in love a few times before, and every time i was absolutley sure of everything, it ended up leaving me stuck alone. until you interact with a girl in person, you have no idea where it would go, and young people like yourselves and I are fickle in relationships. next week some new fascination could ruin both of your lives.
Posted by LOA (Member # 49) on :
Well, here's the good news: Cost of Living in Ellensburg is less than in Seattle. Yay. Bad news? There's still a cost involved in living.
I'm not going to say much about the job thing except that you should go out there and get one. Yeah, change sucks, but your whole life you'll have to deal with change, so you might as well learn to deal with it on your own terms now, rather than waiting 'til something happens that FORCES you to deal with it.
And you're 19, living at home, without a job, and complaining about your parents nagging? Oy. I wish when I was 19 I could have had that problem, but instead I was without family, half-crippled from a car wreck, trying to make it in an apt. with my best friend who was in the EXACT same boat as me, and working TWO jobs just to make ends meet. And I survived. Proof positive that getting a job won't kill you.
~LOA
PS~ As for the girl, as nice as she is, I need to remind you: All women are inherently evil. I know. I am one Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Well, I guess that, if anyone is qualified to give advice on dealing w/ change, we've found her...
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by LOA: PS~ As for the girl, as nice as she is, I need to remind you: All women are inherently evil. I know. I am one
Actually, I'm the evil one in the relationship Posted by Toadkiller (Member # 425) on :
quote:Originally posted by The359:
quote:Originally posted by LOA: PS~ As for the girl, as nice as she is, I need to remind you: All women are inherently evil. I know. I am one
Actually, I'm the evil one in the relationship
Or... she is SO EVIL that she simply lets you believe that...
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
One thing you need to establish is your current resources - namely, this bank account, how much is in it and can you wrest control of it from your parents. Which you should, you're 19, already at college, what the fuck are they holding the purse strings for? They may regard it as your sisters' wedding fund for all we know.
Posted by Thoughtchopper (Member # 480) on :
I don't know what all this talk about the pleasures of work is all about. I'm unemployed, a drug addict, and an alcoholic, yet I make do just fine on my welfare check. Only rarely do I have to sell my body to ruffians to make ends meet.
Hell. I say never get a job. Let your parents support you until they die from bankruptcy. Get a nice drug habit going, and squander your future, just like I did! Find yourself a completely neurotic woman who likes drugs more than you do, and marry her. Have kids, and raise them right in your parents house!
You'll be so glad you did. Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
We're trying to help the kid, not frighten him with stories of the great tragedy that is your life Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
I think that was the idea.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Yes, if he focuses on oh bad PsyLiam's life is his won't look so bleak, and mayhap give him some gumption....
Or, he could look at mine, curl in to a ball, and cry for years.... Overwhelmed with the fact that one persons life could be so fucked up....
Figure out what you like to do, then find a job in that area... It may only be close, but it will get you going...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
I have a bad life now?
Ha! I laugh at you from my office! I have Post It Notes!
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Post it notes, an in try, an out tray, and I-Don't-Know tray.... invoices, out voices, voices in my head...... aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
I left all that to run the roads, going house to house, cleaning carpets for the privilaged few, rejoicing in raping their bank accounts.....
Drive for an hour, clean carpets for a few, make anywhere from $10.00 to $39.00 an hour, drive for an hour, do the carpet thing again.... etc till you have had your fill, or the schedule is complete....
Except this week, this is a steady carpet cleaning week, with few breaks, cleaning 2 Meijers before their inspections.....
Good help is a pain in the ass to find too, in the past 8 weeks we have cycled through 10 people.... With unemployment so high, in this area it is about 5.9%, you would think people would be grabbing at jobs.... But it is not so....
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