I saw this article listed in my RSS feed menu tool that grabs headlines. According to this article, scientists have decided that masturbating is good for you.
Damn, those Australians are a wacky bunch! Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Hmmm... but not a word on whether or not injaculation has negative effects on the good ol' prostate.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
quote: not a word on whether or not injaculation has negative effects
It does not sound very pleasant, at least.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Tantra, baby!
Posted by Dr. Jonas Bashir (Member # 481) on :
Indeed. And that scares me, Sieg.
Meanwhile, I'd like to know how they controlled the experiment... o.O
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Isn't it time for a random "UP TEH BUTT!!!11!!!" or two? I mean if any thread needs one, it's gotta be this one.
Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Jonas Bashir: Indeed. And that scares me, Sieg.
Meanwhile, I'd like to know how they controlled the experiment... o.O
"Here's some Hustler Magazines and pornos. Have fun!!!" Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Does no here know about injaculation? Why am I always singled out as the masturbation expert?
Injaculation is basically the opposite of ejaculation. Clamp down on the urethra as you orgasm, and the ejaculate is forced into the bladder instead. Some say it's a very bad thing. Like having sex with a toaster.
Related link. Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
OMG OGM OMG!!11
ITS LIEK EVARYONE CARES!!!
INJACULATING UP THE BUTT?!
Fuck, even I can't do it anymore.
No, wait.
YUO MUST MAKE SHURE TO NOT INJACULATE UP THE BUTT!1
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Yeah, the judges are giving you pretty poor scores for that performance.
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on :
"Why am I always singled out as the masturbation expert?"
This is like a self-crowned king asking himself: "So... why am I King, again?"
Posted by Wraith (Member # 779) on :
So, while the incidence of prostate cancer goes down, everyone gets repetitive strain injuries. Great. Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Wrist brace or chemotherapy? I'm apparently going to live forever.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Damn it, Cartmaniac, I'm the midget fucker not the masturbation expert!
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to.
"Still masturbating? *tick* Still alive? Good. . ."
Actually - I've never heard anyone call it a po-TAH-to. That makes no sense at all. To-MAY-to and to-MAH-to, yes. But never po-TAH-to.
And another thing: what do I have to get a caramel-iced donut? I've a real craving for one. I mean, here I am, working in the City of London, with more wealth compressed into one small area than probably anywhere else on Earth, we're talking billions if not trillions of pounds, yet can I find a caramel-iced donut anywhere? No! That's just fucked up. The system obviously isn't working. I'm getting some guns and canned food, and heading for the hills.
Maybe I'll find a caramel-iced donut there. . .
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on :
You are a man of many talents, Siegfried.
Posted by Bigtom (Member # 1068) on :
Is it time to "whip out" my 7 of 9 pictures?
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
quote:Originally posted by Bigtom: Is it time to "whip out" my 7 of 9 pictures?
Email them to me, and I'll check them over to be sure they are not fakes.
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Lets see... 500 tons of styrene resin... 120 tons polypro resin... 3500 finish rolls of foam... 150 finished rolls of PETG sheet... 55,000 cases of finished product... 37 cases of vending machine burgers, 200 cans of pop, 3 jars of pickles (garlic, not dill...) two BLONDIE CDs and a box of mothballs... but no carmal-iced dounut.
Sorry.
Try EBAY.
quote:Originally posted by Lee: And another thing: what do I have to get a caramel-iced donut? I've a real craving for one... yet can I find a caramel-iced donut anywhere? No! That's just fucked up. The system obviously isn't working. I'm getting some guns and canned food, and heading for the hills.
Maybe I'll find a caramel-iced donut there. . .
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Mention not eBay to me. I'm still pissed off about losing out on that giant French - sorry, Freedom - Fry.
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Yeah, we got outbid too. Liz wouldn't let me blow $50,000 on it. Too bad.
Anyhooo... Got my eye on some nice dryer lint at a giveaway price....
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Go to www.aaronequipment.com and search for Stock # 515115. That should solve your dounut problem. Forever.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
I guess I'm going to hell now... or I'm going to be a future president.
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on :
The one does not necessarily exclude the other. B)
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
I must say I'm quite amazed so many people seemingly still don't know masturbation and orgasms are healthy for you. I've even heard some people build up shame for doing it, the poor misguided sods.
I think it's about time for you people to listen to the tutoring words of Captain Jerk! Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Yes! At last! It took two weeks, but at last I have a caramel-iced donut! Victory is mine! All your donuts are belong to us! I tried to get a co-worker to use his phone-camera to capture this historic moment, but he thought it would be a bit weird. �)
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
Shouldn't that be "All your donut are belong to us"? The singular form? Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
And shouldn't it be "doughnut", anyway?
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Actually, that's a good question. "Doughnut" has become a common British slang term for, well, a muppet. You know - a twit, a fool, a wally; Don Cheadle, that renowned Brit, used it in Ocean's Eleven. But how is it spelled? And should that be 'spelt?' Oh, the discombobulation!
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
Conbrats, you've dragged this esteemed jerkoff-thread down into batrachomyomachy! I hope you're fappy now!
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on :
Don't be ridiculous, cousin Nimmi. B)
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Donut", at least referring to the baked good, is akin to such lovely words as "lite" and "Xtreme".
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Thru.
Posted by CaptainMike20X6 (Member # 709) on :
Americans are taking the English language by storm !! Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Taking it from behind, more like. Up, as Tim would be wont to say, the A-R-S-E!
So, everyone prefers (and understands) the spelling 'doughnut?' Fine. I'd been under the impression 'donut' was the US spelling, and didn't want to call some clueless Yank a doughnut only for them to reply "Dude, what's a do-UGH-nut?"
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
In all seriousness, I always thought that both spellings were acceptable -- I've used both. I'm sure that "doughnut" was the original spelling (incorporating the word "dough," of course). But of course, we Americans love to bastardize English any chance we get, just to annoy you Brits.
There's a popular chain of stores on the east coast here called Dunkin' Donuts. Somehow I doubt that they're the origin of that spelling, but that's the most widely-known useage that I'm aware of.
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Exactly. I've even heard of Dunkin' Donuts. I even rejected the name 'Duncan' as a possibility for any future children because of it. 8)
Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on :
Which brings us back to wanking and the complete and utter lack of girlfriendness in my immediate surroundings. Even more annoying because even my DOG had a holiday girlfriend. *shoots himself*
[ August 01, 2003, 07:49 AM: Message edited by: Harry ]
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"So, everyone prefers (and understands) the spelling 'doughnut?' Fine. I'd been under the impression 'donut' was the US spelling, and didn't want to call some clueless Yank a doughnut only for them to reply 'Dude, what's a do-UGH-nut?'"
Perhaps I should clarify. "Doughnut" is the correct spelling. "Donut", however, is so overused that there may well be plenty of people out there who really wouldn't recognize "doughnut" if they saw it. I was only speaking for myself before.
Posted by Tora Regina (Member # 53) on :
*yawn*
So, back to the topic, am I the only one who's ever heard of the surgeon general who was fired for suggesting masturbation as an alternative to abstinence?
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
That would be Joycelyn Elders. She was appointed by President Clinton, who soon pressured her into resigning when he caved into pressure the Republicans were putting on him over the masturbation flap (they were already fuming about her pro-abortion and gay-friendly stances).
Linky goodness. Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
She also had these crazy ideas about everyone being nice to one another, the crazy witch.
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
......And, in an absurd follow-up to this story, "Doonesbury" is going to be running a cartoon about this very issue this coming Sunday. Except that an unknown number of newspapers have decided not to run the comic because it's using the "m-word."
Timmy?
Posted by CaptainMike20X6 (Member # 709) on :
pwn3d !! Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
Condemn. Not Condem.
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
Unless he meant to type "condom" instead... Which would be closer to the topic of this thread anyway, right?
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Timmy?"
What? I already supported you. That's why I cracked back at the "read the dictionary" comment.
I might have to take issue with "pwn3d", though.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Name one person who isn't an idiot who has ever used "contemn" in every day dialogue.
Besides, it's not in a real Oxbridge dictionary. So there.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Oxbridge is overrated. Dictionary.com pwn5 ju 4ll!!!!111!!11!!1!!1!
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
I prefer www.yourdictionary.com, it has good etymology and sidestough to its explanations.
Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on :
Contemn? I can't remember hearing or seeing that word anywhere in my entire life. Where did you get it from?!
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Everyday dialogue.
"Besides, it's not in a real Oxbridge dictionary. So there."
Neither is "condem", dear.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Contemn" is the verb form of "contempt".
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Vindication!
I rule.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Tim is no judge of what ordinary people do or say.
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
Well, I'm glad to say that my family's preferred (semi-) local newspaper of choice, The Philadelphia Inquirer, did decide to run the new Doonesbury cartoon this week.
Thank goodness not everyone in the world is a complete prude...
And I think I may have to use that "self-dating" line some day.
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