For politicians: [Face camera] I pledge allegiance to the morning polls of the UNited States of America, and to the momentary preferences for which they stand: one nation, under God, easily divisible, with liberty and justice for sale.
For National Rifle Association members: I pledge allegiance to Samual Colt--the man who made all men equal--and o the Second Amendment behind which I stand, one nation unger guns, with ammo and assault rifles for all. You got a problem with that?
For immigrants: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, understanding that this will not protect me if my associations, statments, or behavior are deemed suspicious by the INS, FBI, CIA, the Office of Homeland Security or the cable TV installer who has agreed to report "suspicious activity," such as being MIddle Eastern.
For Windows users: I pledge allegiance to the waving icon that appears on my computer each morning, and to the monopoly for which it stands, one system, under bill, with liberty and Internet Explorer for all.
For CEOs: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the island of Bermuda, and to the tax haven for which it stands, multinational, under the Fifth, with bonuses and options for the board.
For the religious right: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Manifest Destiny for which it stands, one Judeo-Chrristian nation, under a white, blue-eyed God, indivisible until the South rises again, with liberty and justice and a front=pew seat for everyone but the homosexuals, feminists, and Darwinists. Amen.
For the secular humanists: I pledge allegiance--within the limits of rationality--to the dyed-cloth symbolic representation of the fragment of the universe in which by random chance I came to exist, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible-at least until we get some kind of workable world government.
For lawyers: We, the undersigned, freely pledge nonbinding allegiance--with the understanding that this does not constitute a contract between the two parties, to wit, a natural person and the flag of the United States of America. And to the republic for which said flag has been empowered to act in all manners: one nation, under God (although any disputes arising from this agreement will be governed by the laws of the State of New York) indivisible without 30 days' prior written notice supplied to the parties either in person or by certified mail--with liberty and justice reserved for the undersigned.
___________ Citizen ___________ Flag
Posted by Yamashiro Den (Member # 510) on :
Posted by Snay (Member # 411) on :
Good stuff!
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Now we sit back and wait for someone, probably Farquad, to take offense.
Posted by Reverend (Member # 335) on :
Why take offence when you can give it.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
mmmm, which choice do I make....
Posted by E. Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Oh yeah, secular humanism all the way.
I like the lawyer pledge best, though. Posted by Wraith (Member # 779) on :
Posted by Eclipse (Member # 472) on :
quote:Originally posted by E. Cartman: Oh yeah, secular humanism all the way.
I like the lawyer pledge best, though.
Yup, that and the politicians' one. Posted by Daryus Aden (Member # 12) on :
Bloody beautiful
Posted by Tora Ziyal (Member # 53) on :
Secular humanism here, too.
Have to agree the lawyer one is funniest, hands down.
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