What would happen if Jesus came back to life and told us he was here to save us all, and at the same time a fleet of aliens were landing at the White House to greet humanity. Heheh, the fun that would ensue. Like mixing pop rocks and soda.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Jesus was an alien so there'd be no conflict....only many disappointed baptists.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
What sort of idiot aliens would land at the White House to greet humanity?
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Right. It would be funnier if they BLEW UP the White House to greet humanity.
Posted by Veers (Member # 661) on :
Wow, was this a random idea.
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
They'll land on Easter Island, summon all the Faithfuls (the statue-keepers) and fly away to Eden. Big "D'oh!" for the rest of us.
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
Jesus came back dozens of times, we just keep putting him in insane asylums.
Posted by Austin Powers (Member # 250) on :
Like Elvis...
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
It would be great if Jesus came back and walked into a gay bar and got drunk. Not because Jesus is gay, just because all those moronic assholes who keep using the Bible as an excuse to be homophobic would shoot themselves in the head.
Posted by Grokca (Member # 722) on :
quote:It would be great if Jesus came back and walked into a gay bar and got drunk. Not because Jesus is gay,
Well he did hang around with twelve guys all the time, had a hooker as as good friend and no mention of him boinking her, so maybe he would head straight(pun intended) for a gay bar.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
I think Jesus coming back and, while addressing the faithful, going off on the William Shatner-on-SNL "Get a Life!" speech would be funny. But then again, I still like whoopie cushions. And rubber chickens.
Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :
I can just see it now:
"Welcome to the Dr. Jesus Show - Today, a mother confronts her son with her homosexuality - and helps him deal with her new Lesbian wife..."
"Please, send your money and support the Dr. Jesus show... your money goes into our tax-free coffers - and pretends to help needy children and poor families!! Support the Dr. Jesus Show..."
"Next week on the Dr. Jesus show:"
Jesus: "Mrs Jones - tell him what you are feeling!
Mrs Jones: "I am feeling used, uncared for...."
Mr. Jones: "Whaddaya mean uncared for; i've been paying for your goddamned pedacures and booze for 15 Goddamned years...."
Jesus: "Now, you've taken the Lord's name in vain!"
Mr. Jones: Well of course he's vain - why else would he want millions to worship him..
That's next week on Dr. Jesus Show...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Oh, come on, Jesus was doing Mary Magdeline on a twice-nightly basis.
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
Psyliam: "Oh, come on, Jesus was doing Mary Magdeline on a twice-nightly basis."
*meanwhile, on the other side of the planet* Traveling Cardinal #1: "Hmm, why are my hands tingling suddenly?" TC #2: "Yours' too?"
Posted by Veers (Member # 661) on :
My, is it unusually cloudy...
Posted by Peregrinus (Member # 504) on :
Actually it seems "Mary Magdalene the hooker" is an invention of the patriarchal, mysogynistic Catholic Church. It's starting to look like she was actually his wife. But we won't go there right now.
--Jonah
Posted by Veers (Member # 661) on :
...Very cloudy.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Wether he banged Mary or not, he's still quite screwed.
Jesus, ca. 33AD: "One day, I shall return! Mark my words! Ow, those nails hurt..."
The Disciples: "OK, but don't take too long, eh? Messianic figures just could go out of style in tomorrow's world, and they might not be so eager to hire dropout carpenters, either."
Jesus Reincarnate, ca. The Present: "As promised, I have returned! What news?"
The Crowd: "You have a tumor... in your brain... it's making you mad... we're forced to operate... AGGRESSIVELY!"
So there you have it. Some sabbaticals really are best avoided. B)
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Jesus Reincarnate: "I have returned!" Crowd: "So you're a pedophile?"
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cartman: Jesus, ca. 33AD: "One day, I shall return! Mark my words! Ow, those nails hurt..."
The Disciples: "OK, but don't take too long, eh?
The Disciples were Canadian?? Posted by Wraith (Member # 779) on :
Always look on the bright side of life Posted by Austin Powers (Member # 250) on :
"Now that would be something wouldn't it, Lister? God returns in all his splendour and says 'Sorry, it's all been a total cockup'..." Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :
quote:AndrewR The Disciples were Canadian??
If we're gonna use Canadian Stereotypes - let's go all the way!! Living in Ontario - right beside Quebec... i have it down pat!
Disciples: Don't take too long eh? -- I need to go across da river - an' fatch me some'o dat POUTINE - to sit on my chesterfield - and watch CELINE DION on da TV, tabarnac!!! An' bring me sum o'dat MAUDITE beer, esti!
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Canadian accent jokes. Woo.
I must remember to go out and purchase that brand new Windows 98 at some point.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
They were new in 98? I'd heard them as far back as elementary school when the gag was, the Quebec liscence plates motto translated into We buy souneniers and drive sloooow."
Whatever happened to the Raliens? I notice a decided lack of CNN/FOX coverage on tem since that whole "wecloned bigfoot" thing went off course...
Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :
hahaha.... actually - I think Canada maybe a little more ahead than that... I didn't know we were so far behind...
Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :
lmao !!! Jason !!! THat's hilarious! But Quebecers are CRAZY-ASSED drivers! They love to speed. The 401 is repleet with Quebec drivers doing 150KPH !! They're NUTS!
Montrealers are the wildest drivers - but if you've ever driven in Montreal - you'd have to be crazy.. cuz the roads are WHACKED!! the road design is terrible.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Mabye it's just the fossilized Canadians that flock to South Florida each year that drive really slow.
...or we're just that much crazier behind the wheel than the rest of the world. Either way.
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