It would be priceless to see an entire Cube sing this song!
***
Presenting possible endings for Star Trek: Voyager
The "Dallas" Ending
- Kim wakes up in bed in San Francisco, and realises it's all been a dream. He hears the shower running, then it stops. . . and out comes Tom Paris.
The "Dynasty" ending
- On arriving home, Paris and Torres' "proper" wedding takes place in a quaint alien church. Just as they are about to take their vows, a horde of Kazon burst in and shoot everybody. After stealing the cake, they run off, leaving everybody in a big pool of multi-coloured blood. A coda reveals that none of them were actually killed, only a token redshirt (ie in Security/Engineering gold, such as one of the crew from "Good Shepherd").
The "Planet of the Apes" ending
- A wormhole deposits the Voyager crew home, but they are mystifed to find themswlves back on Ocampa again. The shattered ruins of the Golden Gate
Bridge on the surface lead to Janeway realising the truth, and cursing those Starfleet maniacs to hell. Humanity is condemned to a future as boring elves with silly ears.
The "Spaceballs" ending
- With their ship all but destroyed, Janeway's crew end up crashing the Voyager into an alien beach, nose first. As she clambers down to the ground on a rope, a bunch of alien horsemen arrive and bemoan, "Voyager!" "Oh, shit! There goes the Planet. . ."
The "Babylon 5" ending
EITHER
- No wormholes are found and the journey becomes very boring. Janeway eventually gets old and is kicked off the ship in a shuttlepod and left to go explore the rim, etc. As she dies, the near-death soul-snatching alien from "Coda" reappears and asks "Did you think we had forgotten you?"
OR
- Janeway sends the crew home, but wanders off into the wormhole in a shuttle and reappears a thousand years ago. She goes on to form the Borg Collective and gleefully tells her first victims that they have "much work ahead of us".
OR EVEN
- The "Deconstruction of Falling Stars" ending: as the future human's Ranger-insignia'd ship leaves the Solar System, it passes Voyager, finally getting home - only to be destroyed as the Sun goes nova.
The "Red Dwarf" ending
- Janeway forgets which planet she parked Voyager over and as a result is forced to spend the rest of the journey in the Delta flyer with all the senior staff squashed in the back. Much hilarity as they argue over water recycling, lack of storage space, and Neelix's socks.
The "Some Like It Hot" ending
- Neelix and Tuvok are left behind in a shuttle after a bizarre caper where they ended up in drag. Tuvok points out to Neelix that he is a Vulcan. Neelix ominously remarks that "nobody's perfect".
The "Casablanca" ending
EITHER
- Doctor sends Seven off on last shuttle through a wormhole, being left behind with Mr Paris, with whom he is sure he will develop a "beautiful friendship".
OR
- Chakotay sacrifices himself to get them home after he's sent Janeway on the last shuttle. He's left behind, along with Seven who decided to stay as well. It's them who walk into the fog, uttering those immortal words.
The "2001: A Space Odyssey" ending
- Wormhole trip for the crew ends with Janeway waking up in the New York Hilton's royal suite. After wandering around for a bit, she drops dead in the bed, as a cube appears at the foot of it.
The "The Prisoner" Ending
- Ship evacuated amid much random explosions, sudden desire of Maquis to shoot their way out, warp core ejection and intercom blaring "All You Need is Love". Chakotay eventually makes it back to San Francisco and is re-united with his sexy yellow and green Lotus roadster. . .
The "Life of Brian" ending
- It all goes rather wrong as Janeway and the whole crew get assimilated by the Borg. As she is plugged into an alcove she is comforted by the cheerful song sung by her fellow drones, encouraging her to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life". End has the whole collective joining in the final chorus as the camera redoes the opening pull-back shot from First Contact.
The "Scooby Doo" ending
- Mysteriously, they once again find themselves back where they started, at the Caretaker's Array. But this time Janeway removes the Caretaker's mask to reveal it is in fact Captain Braxton.
The "Evil Dead 2" ending
- Kim alone makes it back to Earth, only to find himself standing outside his wrecked shuttle looking at the mediaeval knights & peasants that surround him. The camera pans back as he howls "NOOOOO!" at the uncaring sky.
The "Quantum Leap" ending
- Janeway changes time so Kim never got posted to Voyager. The ship never returns home.
The "Usual Suspects" ending
- The surviving crew are interrogated by Starfleet Security, who are convinced that Chakotay (now dead, although they suspect he faked his death) was the ultimate leader of the Maquis. Their star witness, Tom Paris, tries to persuade them otherwise. After he leaves, the interrogator puts together all the clues and realises Paris is the man they want: but it's too late - just like that, he's gone.
***
And so am I. 8)
------------------
"I do prefer the arse, but you can't dismiss the leg. They're joined at the hip, so to speak."
- Liam Kavanagh
How about the Twelve Monkeys ending?
Janeway (with wonder-bun toup�) runs in SpaceDock towards "departing" with ancient .44 magnum and tries to shoot a more-than-usually-mad Braxton (carrying a lucious 'omega-particle' curry dish) in the back, but is phasered to a steaming pile of meat by Starfleet security, all in front of the eyes of an adorable, fragile little Annika Hansen...
------------------
Here lies a toppled god,
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.
-Tleilaxu Epigram
quote:
The "Life of Brian" ending
- It all goes rather wrong as Janeway and the whole crew get assimilated by the Borg. As she is plugged into an alcove she is comforted by the cheerful song sung by her fellow drones, encouraging her to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life". End has the whole collective joining in the final chorus as the camera redoes the opening pull-back shot from First Contact.
*ROTFLMAO*!!!
It would be priceless to see an entire Cube sing this song!
------------------
"Dynamics is like playing hockey with a flexible hockey stick"
-My Physics teacher
---
Titan Fleet Yards - Harry Doddema's Star Trek Site
How about the "MAN IN THE IRON MASK" ending?
When you come up with it, let me know ...
------------------
Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Rated 7 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
Or the A Tale of Two Cities ending. Kim falls in love w/ Seven again, who ends up returning the affection, and they get married. Then Kim gets arrested by French revolutionaries (well, okay, maybe by someone else...) and is going to be executed, so the HoloDoc changed his program so that he looks like Kim, takes Kim's place, and sacrifices himself so Kim and Seven can stay together.
Or we can have the Cryptonomicon ending, where the writers make an attempt to tie up loose ends from earlier in the series, but the ending is crappy and doesn't make sense, anyway. :-)
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
The characters walk off the set, beat up the *evil* writers and the *eviler* producers, get into limos, and drive off? 
And get into a fight with the cast from Frasier on the way ...
------------------
Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Rated 7 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
------------------
Hunt: "You cheated!"
Rhade: "It's only cheating if you get caught."
-Andromeda, "Double Helix"
------------------
"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
------------------
"A gathering of Angels appeared above my head. They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said..." -Styx
Aban's Illustration www.thespeakeasy.com/alanfore
[This message has been edited by Aban Rune (edited November 27, 2000).]
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
------------------
Kang/Kodos in '04!
------------------
Kang/Kodos in '04!
quote:
Monty by name (some of you know him, I gather), over a few drinks.
Tell the bugger to stop in and say "Hi" once in a while. If he doesn't want to post here, TNO is still in operation!! He can also find me at the Slipstream bbs.
------------------
All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.
Bob Dylan
------------------
"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." - Dave Barry
The James Bond Ending:
Harry Kim secertly works for Starfleet Intelligence and was sent to spy on Janeway who was going to take over the Federation with help from the Borg. After seven years of Janeway holding his promotion because he will not sleep with her, he decides to kill her. He gets help from Seven of Nine by sleeping with her, and all hell breaks loose on Voyager. Janeway and Kim get into a fight to the death outside Voyager's hull, where Janeway is killed by an exploding lifeboat hatch. Harry takes command and has a martini with Seven in the ready room, where they sleep with each other again.
------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
------------------
"Dynamics is like playing hockey with a flexible hockey stick"
-My Physics teacher
---
Titan Fleet Yards - Harry Doddema's Star Trek Site
Janeway and the crew go in search of a fabled Holy Transwarp drive. During a Borg attack, Chakotay is squashed by a horse. An animated sequence shows a species 8472 Alien chasing the crew around a planetoid, until Brannon Braga suffers a fatal heart attack. Tom and B'Elanna build a castle, which burns down, falls over, and sinks into a swamp. Kim is devoured by an evil predator rabbit, which in turn is killed by Neelix's Holy Hasperat. Finally, Janeway and the surviving crewmembers lay siege to Unimatrix 01, where the Borg hurl badly-accented insults (along with assorted vegetables and mammals) at them.
Finally, a Starfleet Admiral appears, declares the whole series "silly," and orders the crew off the soundstage.
------------------
"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
------------------
"Dynamics is like playing hockey with a flexible hockey stick"
-My Physics teacher
---
Titan Fleet Yards - Harry Doddema's Star Trek Site
Brannon Braga suddenly is serving on board Voyager.
As the crew leave the ship in various alien ships, Braga orders Voyager to self-destruct.
------------------
Buffy: "See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things."
Giles: "I was beginning to suspect that was a myth."
- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer
------------------
Hunt: "You cheated!"
Rhade: "It's only cheating if you get caught."
-Andromeda, "Double Helix"
[This message has been edited by Fabrux (edited November 29, 2000).]
Actually, their are two TOS endings. The "abrupt" one, and the one where the crew laughs really badly for about 5 minutes over something Kirk/Spock/Scotty said. The laughter goes on forever. It doesn't stop. It makes you want to claw your skin off. Oh, god, why won't they stop laughing?
------------------
"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
How many shows in the 60s had "final episodes" anyway?
------------------
"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
OH MY GOD!! The awfully ridiculous fake laughing scenes
at the end of those shows! AAARGGHH!!
That really was not a good PR stunt for the human race in the 22nd century...
------------------
"Dynamics is like playing hockey with a flexible hockey stick"
-My Physics teacher
---
Titan Fleet Yards - Harry Doddema's Star Trek Site
Also, the enough-joke in endings is oh so nauseating!
For example: Ep is about killer bananas that eventually are defeated, then main lead is offered banana by unknowing person, after incident. Lead says "Nah, I've had enough bananas for a looong time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haah!" *sidekick tilts head, points with finger* "Oohohohooh, cleveeeer!"
------------------
Here lies a toppled god,
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.
-Tleilaxu Epigram
The consious heads of Janeway and Chacotay roll on the floor, trying to kiss eachother.
The 'Thelma and Louise' ending:
Janeway and Seven helm the ship into a black hole.
------------------
Buffy: "See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things."
Giles: "I was beginning to suspect that was a myth."
- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer
The other format of joke usually went like this:
Kirk: So, you were going to save me all along.
Spock: No. That was not logical.
Kirk: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
Spock: *raises eyebrow*
McCoy: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kirk: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *slaps random Yeomen*
Yeomen: Er, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA *thinks: Only another 100 years until I can get a real job*
All: BWAHAHAHHAHAHA
*Enterprise flies off*
------------------
"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
Voyager visits a planet and unleashes by accident an ancient vampire domanatirx in the form of Denise Richards. Janeway and crew attempt to stop her from creating her once vast and powerful army of half naked vampire lesbians, but in the process turns Seven of Nine into one of her loyal subjects. With Seven on her side, Voyager is captured and most of the main characters are killed. Neelix is placed on chains and forced to eat his Texas cooking, Tuvok is made to go through pon-far while caged and viewing a holographic video of he and his wife having sex, Tom and Belanna are forced to have an in-depth conversation about Tom's past dating habits, Chakotay is forced to remember sleeping with Janeway, and Janeway is placed on a shuttle that is rigged with tri-cobalt torpedoes that explode. As for Harry Kim, he is forced to have his first and last threesome with Seven of Nine and Denise Richards, where his heart explodes. The final scene is of the two of them, covered in blood, French kissing over Harry's dead body as an army of female vampires take over Starfleet Command.
------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
------------------
"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
LOL!
*tears in eyes*
*jaw hurting*
LOL!
Andrew
------------------
"This is cooling, faster than I can..." Tori Amos "Cooling"
Janeway, in her quarters freshly back from her wierd experience in fluidic space looks into the mirror and smashes it with her fist while continually and crazily uttering the phrase "How's Harry!?!" "How's Harry!?!" "How's Harry!?!" over and over again...
------------------
"This is cooling, faster than I can..." Tori Amos "Cooling"
------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK