Captains log Stardate 55522.5
Having been travelling for over 2 month's at Warp 8. The crew and I are close to passing the frontiers of exolored space. What lies behind these boundaries is unknown.We left Federation Space 7 weeks ago and are now 275 light years from the nearest starbase. The only starship's to get out this far are Voyager and the Enterprise D. We continue to hold course and will cross the boundary in 1 week. What lies there is a complete mystery. end log.
Captain Kym:Kota Gerys report on warp drive.
Kota Herys:We continue to hold warp 8.
Captain Kym:Ops report
Sarok:Long range sensors show all clear.
Captain Kym:Good, I'm going to my quarters then to the Holodeck to relax in the mud pools of Havelon 2.
Captain Kym leaves the bridge, Goes down to her quarters on deck 4. She then goes to the holodecks on Deck 9.
A week later the ship drops out of warp. The crew then send their last messages home. The ship then goes to 1/4 Impulse and crosses the invisible border.
The ship is now in a new part of the galaxy. The ship engages Warp drive at maximum and plunges into the unknown. The ship continues to acclerate away from the now distant Federation.
The ship alters course and then slows to impulse as it approaches a huge star some 10x as big as our sun. The ship spends a week surveying the star system. The Star system comprises of 3 planet. A class Y, A Class M and A Class H.
The Sitting bull then leaves the star system and continues a warp towards the Delta Quadrant. The ship then enters a star system which is about to go nova. The rest is up to you lot!!
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quote:
Captain Kym:Good, I'm going to my quarters then to the Holodeck to relax in the mud pools of Havelon 2.Captain Kym leaves the bridge, Goes down to her quarters on deck 4. She then goes to the holodecks on Deck 9.
A week later the ship drops out of warp.
JAYSUS!! So she's been kicking back in the mudpools for a solid week, while NOTHING ELSE had been happening on the ship!?
Wha-huuuh?
OK (seriously), the captain would NOT tell her bridge staff that she was going to get all hot and unbothered in the Holodeck. It's none of their business.
That, and the fact that after a week, she'd be like having smoked a solid pound of blow she'd be so relaxed.
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At that point, McDonald fired his gun three times in the air to emphasize his point. The crowd, estimated at 350,000, loudly cheered the new candidate.
"Let me make this clear: I am the law! I am your ruler! And you will have fries with that, motherf*cker!"
The problem is that any idjit can come up with a list of names... and usually does.
DEPTH! DEPTH! DEPTH!
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The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching
Not to toot my own horn, but scroll down to my Original Series thread ... see those character descriptions I give? You need something to build on.
How about ...
Lieutenant (jg) Sarok -- a Vulcan officer just two years out of the Academy, he was raised to be the perfect Vulcan: he is logical to a fault, and has trouble "adapting" to unknown situations (especially when emotion is involved). He quotes Starfleet General Orders routinely when the Captain doesn't seem to be obeying them (think Mr. Saavik from Star Trek II), and tries to shy away from social interactions with the crew, making himself a bit of an outsider.
Something along those lines. Saying, Sarok. Vulcan, Ops is really inadequate.
And, damn man, you DO NOT NEED all those technical specifications! Stop with this fanboy stuff! You don't need length or height or width. Just a general description.
Our starship is the USS Sitting Bull, a member of the Epson-Class. She's a medium size deep space explorer with a complement of about 200 -- mainly scientists and researchers. As her mission takes her into unknown space, she's outfitted with reliable weaponry (quantum torpedoes, phasers), but only for use as a last resort. This ship isn't a warship like the Defiant -- she's got crew comforts: comfortable living quarters for her crew, a decent forward viewing rec-room, holodecks, the whole nine yards. Also, her science facilities are top of the line, as required on a deep space explorer.
Think more along those lines.
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 6.27 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with four eps posted)
***
"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
****
"The candidate who slimed John McCain in the primaries and smeared Al Gore in the general election is now the president who pledges to elevate the nation's tone and bring civility to our discorse. Kind of like Michael Corleone brought peace to the mob by killing the heads of the other four families."
--Paul Begala, Is Our Children Learning?
[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited March 10, 2001).]
Captain Kym Wild is adressed on a first-name basis????
Sarok and Sarek is kind of like McDonalds and McDonnells... And there actually IS a guy named Sarek, you know?
And another one named Jarok?? Prepare for a lot of cute jokes with funny trumpet music a la "Wa-wa-wa-wa-waaow"..
Kota Herys from Bajor? Kira Nerys' evil twin, the one with manners?
Just a tad more imagination, lad. Just saying...
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You can't kill me, I'm charming!
[This message has been edited by Nimrod (edited March 10, 2001).]
Darkstar: Just out of curiousity, you had already begun writing a previous fanfic (Series 5 idea - If I Had My Way). Why are you all of a sudden starting a new one? If it had to do with the responses you were getting about not using paragraph spaces, you know you can go back and edit your messages, don't you?
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Lisa: "Don't you remember the story of Oedipus?"
Homer: "Maybe five dollars will refresh my memory."
Lisa (angrily): "Oedipus was the story of a man who kills his father and marries his mother!"
Homer: "Uggh! Who pays for that wedding?"
Shabren's Final Prophecy: Star Trek: Legacy
That is, it's easy to come up with a light concept, but MUCH harder to actually write anything about it.
Ideas are a dime a dozen. Putting a STORY to the idea, that's where it gets rough.
I speak from experience, having been a Creative Writing major and having struggled with my own Grand Epic Story characters and plotline for upwards of 7 years now without creating a viable sequence of stories within it.
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The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching
[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited March 10, 2001).]
NOW, work up a personal history for each character. A paragraph won't really do to tell us everything we ned to know about a person.
When I was in classes to do that sort of thing, they told us to take at LEAST a full, single-spaced page for every character you wre trying to write for.
Beyond physical statistics, you need upbringing, relations with family, personality overview, important past incidents, likes, dislikes, dreams (realistic and not), fears, and abilities and skills.
Here, I'll show you a little of what I'm talking about:
Lieutenant Harass-grawall
Species: Kzinti
Gender: Male
Age: 9 (equivalent of age 24 in Terran years)
Height: 7'3"
Weight: 300#
Position: Security Department
Posting: USS Invictus
Hair: Orange with black stripes
Eyes: Green
Lt. Harass-grawall, or "Growl" to his friends, was born on the Kzin colony world of Ralash, near the Romulan border. The runt of the litter (Most Kzinti are about 9 feet tall and weigh around 400 pounds), little was expected of him in the Kzin military society.
Undeterred by his family's low expectations, Growl broke with all Kzinti tradition and applied to Starfleet Academy. After being accepted, he became the first Kzin ever to enroll in Starfleet.
Growl suffered through his years at the Academy, not least because he found Earth too cold for his liking. He was also the target of certain xenophobic individuals. Nevertheless, he displayed a strong aptitude for codes and cyphers. This, along with his obvious natural abilities, led to his entry into the Security branch of Starfleet.
As an Ensign aboard the USS Montana, he attracted the attention of one (then Lieutenant Commander) Damien Kirk, Security Chief, who took him 'under his wing' and taught him expert techniques in security procedures. Growl's self-confidence soared, and he and Kirk became fast friends. When Kirk transferred aboard the USS Saskatchewan, and later, the Invictus, Growl went right along with him. Together, the two have yet to meet with the code or security system they could not overcome.
Growl, like most of his species, has an innate dislike of pacifists and herbivores, although he has managed to downplay this enough to survive in a Starfleet full of Vulcans. He enjoys meat, generally raw, and is outspoken in his belief that replicated food is bland and tasteless. He is an expert with his phaser< but tends to carry a large Kzinti-made sword for intimidation purposes. He has a dark sense of humor, and is known for making atrocious puns with military jargon. He is a fanatic when it comes to Starfleet, and has to restrain himself when someone demeans it or his ship, or else he might pull their heads off.
Growl's fondest wish is to make a great, heroic stand at a crucial hour. "I want to make a difference," he says.
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The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching
[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited March 10, 2001).]
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"Replicate some marmalade, Commander - helm control is toast!"
Lieutenant (j.g.) Rawfal -- Conn, Antican (TNG's Lonely Among Us). He is the first of his species to graduate Starfleet Academy. Being a carnevour, this will put him somewhat at odds with some of the other members of the crew, but he's a dedicated officer (and he looks mighty imposing on top of that). Attended Flight Training school to learn how to pilot the production-model of the Defiant-Class, which is still overpowered compared to other ships. Now tasked with the Pelileu-Class, he feels restricted by the ship's inability to manuever (compared to the Defiant-Class, at any rate), and loves nothing more than being allowed to put the ship through her paces (whether the Tokyo can handle them or not).
He is without doubt a warrior: the Klingons and Romulans aboard had better watch what they say, or they'll find themselves with an angry canine at their necks. Likewise, he also tends to "stray" from his duties a bit, and his over-lapping into the security department will cause tension between himself, Security Chief Nadell, and 2nd Officer Lt. Gosvar.
***
Darkstar, FYI: giving us a history of their career isn't necessary. We'll find that out by the stories. Look at Will Riker: we knew he served on the Hood as XO, but only be benefit of the Encoutner at Farpoint script. Nothing in the Bible (the writer's guide, not the fictional book many religions think God wrote) said anything about the Potemkin or the Pegasus. Gotta leave yourself some freedom, you know.
[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited March 10, 2001).]
Darkstar:
Looks like the entirety of the above passage was created in order to provide a background for making a map. Perhaps you should do that FIRST, and leave the data for later.
Plus, the entirety of the action happens in a few minutes, where it should take much longer. What are the other crewmembers doing/saying? What is the atmosphere like? Tense? Easy? The speakers sound like they're reading dialogue off of cue cards. "This is so. This is such." Give them tone of voice, posture, all that important stuff you see even in 'Goosebumps' trash. Don't let them be just talking heads.
And PUT LINES BETWEEN YOUR PARAGRAPHS! (hit the 'enter' key twice)
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The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching
[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited March 10, 2001).]
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"For people with resources, the right events happen. They may look like coincidences, but they arise out of necessity." --T�rk Hviid
[EDIT: HTML can't be used in .sigs.]
[This message has been edited by Fabrux (edited March 11, 2001).]