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The return of....THE FNN!
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by JeffKardde: [QB] <h2>Captain Kirk's Hair Missing</h2> by Miguel Molina, special to the FNN <small>[i]4506.7 -- Apparently Tribble/Toupee walked off head during landing party. [/i]Enterprise[i] crew members are conducting a thorough search of planet. Kirk described as "distraught"[/i]</small> "We were on the planet," Crewman 2nd-Class Wayne Steigward told reporters today. Assigned to the Security Division aboard the [i]Enterprise[/i], Steigward and Ensign Michael Ford were providing security for the landing party, which also consisted of Dr. McCoy, First Officer Spock, and Captain Kirk. "The Captain began screaming ... his hair was running down his back!" "I tried to stop it," Ford said, "but it was too small a target for me to hit with my phaser." First Officer Spock, a Vulcan, had to apply the Vulcan nerve pinch to calm down Captain Kirk. "He is doing fine, and my prescription for him is lots of rest and relaxation," Dr. Leonard McCoy, the ship's chief medical officer, told reporters when asked about the incident. He them mumbled something about how friends don't give friends the Vulcan "death" grip. The ship's dashing helmsman, Lt. Hikaru Sulu, who one day dreams of a starship command of his own, theorized about the captain's toupee. "It had to be a tribble," he said. Three weeks earlier, the [i]Enterprise[/i] had been overrun by tribbles at a stop at Deep Space Station K-7, where they encountered a Klingon battleship. Ensign Pavel Chekov said that he believed Kirk's toupee -- a Russian "inwention", as he put it -- must have been lost when Kirk was asleep one night during the harrowing events of the stay at K-7. He theorized that a tribble must have found a perch on Kirk's head and "hung on for it's life!" "Ah beamed the wee' beasties into the Klingon's engineering room," Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott said proudly when asked how the situation was resolved. Greenpeace condemned Mr. Scott's actions earlier today in a news statement. [/QB][/QUOTE]
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