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The return of....THE FNN!
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Gaseous Anomaly: [QB] Thanks, M'Baby'Rox. And in other news, a diplomatic incident has arisen after an unfortunate accident in the Cardassian system. Whilst ferrying feared war criminal and ladies man Simon Sizer to a hen party in Lessepia, what appeared to be a phaser blast erupted without warning from the [i]U.S.S. Calamity[/i], striking one of the escorting Cardassian vessels. While no serious injuries were sustained by the Cardassians, a series of hull breaches were reported to have occured on the dorsal section of the [i]Crapshit[/i], the unlucky ship. A report into the incident was immediately instigated by Rear Admiral Crafty-Butcher. Within a matter of minutes, the cause of the powerful discharge was revealed to be none other than Mr. Sizer himself! This reported learned that Mr. Sizer could not find a bathroom large enough to accomodate him, so he took it upon himself to, in effect, "wind down the proverbial window". Opening the hangar doors to Shuttle Bay Two, he powered down a section of the Structural Integrity Field to facilitate Nature's urging. Quite a large section, this reporter adds. Mr. Sizer was not harmed attempting this feat, as the excessive size of, ahem, "him" generates quite a substantial gravity field of it's own. The oval-shaped halo of particles that surround Mr. Sizer's lower abdomonal region (sometimes refered to as "Sol's Second Oort Cloud"), held in place by the sheer magnitude of "his" mass, protected Mr. Sizer from the bare freezing vacuum of space and the danger of naked radiation and pert solar activity. In fact, the first indication that something was wrong was a slight shift in the gravimetric field surrounding the [i]Calamity[/i]. After Mr. Sizer's "opering salvo", panicky suggestions abounded that it was a cloaked vessel that had opened fire on the Cardassian ship, rumours fueled by the revelation that the gravimetric field had changed just prior to the discharge. Later investigations, however, showed that the distortions in the field were too big to be any cloaked ship. It was most definitely Mr. Sizer. Compiled here are some sensor images of those few terrifying moments: [URL=http://www.bridgecommander.com/visuals/]http://www.bridgecommander.com/visuals/[/URL] [*][b]Image 4[/b] - The disastrous effect Mr. Sizer has on weak ablatives. Note how the inverse-square law of electro-magnetic irradiance has no affect on the enormous destructive potential of Mr. Sizer's member. The near-lightspeed hail of particles ionized any and all gases in it's path, as evidenced by the red colour of the discharge. Either that or last night's tikka was kickin'. [*][b]Image 14[/b] - The Galaxy class [i]U.S.S. Zoiks Scoob[/i] was passing the [i]Crapshit[/i] at low impulse when the accident occured. Here is a picture of the [i]Crapshit[/i] just before impact. [*][b]Image 13[/b] - Although the damage sustained by the [i]Crapshit[/i] was not inconsiderable, this image (taken just after impact, by the [i]Zoiks Scoob[/i]) really does make the damage look worse than it really is. The fiery inferno you see is just a millisecond-duration reaction between the Cardassians warp plasma manifolds and the plasma from Mr. Sizer's manifold warper. [*][b]Image 3[/b] - Unfortunately, the [i]Calamity[/i] was forced to eject a large amount of impulse exhaust as the ship's waste recyclers couldn't cope with the demands Mr. Sizer placed on them for the rest of the journey. StarFleet reports that a Badlands-type region of intense plasma activity is forming around this region now. Also in [b]Image 4[/b]: Minor damage was also inflicted on another Cardassian ship, the [i]Stain[/i], as an initial "test-the-waters" squirt by Mr. Sizer ricocheted off a small moon. The impact crater on the moon has yet to be named by the Cardassian Insystem Society. <font size = "1">(Sorry I couldn't link da pics directly - they're applets methinks.)</font size> [/QB][/QUOTE]
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