Why I Fired My Secretary

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "I'm another year older", but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast, my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say "Happy Birthday, dear".

All smiles, I went into breakfast and there say my wife reading the newspaper as usual. She didn't say one word. So, I got myself a coffee, made some toast, and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The Kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me."

There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running down into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm Late!" and "Where is my coat? I'm going to miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed then ever, I left for the office.

When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful, "Happy Birthday, boss." She then asked if she could get me some coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better.

Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea."

So we locked up the office and since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of town, and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch. We started driving back to town when my secretary said, "Why don't we go to my place, and I'll fix you another martini?" It sounded like a good idea, since we didn't have much to do in the office today.

So we went to her apartment and she fixed us another couple of martinis. After a while, she said, "If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she left the room.

In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door, and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.

Sorry Baloo, but I just HAVE to put one of your smileys on.......

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

Okay, so my ass ain't big or fat and I'm not on the floor as I'm in a computer lab at school, but I'm still laughing!