These are actual questions taken from the Sydney Olympic web site. Answers have been added by whoever first sent this around.

Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

(Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...)

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

(Depends on how much beer you've consumed...)

Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth- to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)

(Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.)

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)

(Sure, it's only seven thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year and a half ago to get there in time for this October...)

Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

(And accomplish what?)

It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

(I'm not touching this one...)

My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia.
Will you let her in? (South Africa)

(Why? We do have toilet paper here...)

Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

(Which Bank?)

Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)

(Who do you want to sabotage?)

Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

(Is this for comfort sake?)

Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

(Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...)

Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

(No. Everybody stinks.)

Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)

(Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...)

Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

(This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...)

Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

(Yes. Gay nightclubs.)

Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

(Only if you're Christian ...)

Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)

(Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.)

Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

(Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.)

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)

(What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?)

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)

(Another blonde?)

Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

(I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia, but plenty others that are more deadly!)

Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

(Face North and you should be about right)

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"No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and have lived to tell about it." Sideshow Bob

Just switch Camel to Polar Bear, tent to Igloo and Rattlesnakes to rabid beavers and you've got the questions that'll be asked the next time the Olympics
come back here to Canada.
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"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
-Mark Twain

If the 2008 Olympics are held in Toronto, people will be wondering why people would hold Summer Olympics in a place which is, *ahem* nothing but snow.......

About that railroad-thingy, isn't 18 months a bit much? I could prolly do it in twelve. I'll just eat whatever falls from the passing trains.

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-It's a free society, except there's nothing free,
there's no guarantees y'know, you're on your own.
It's like, "law of the jungle"!

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Well I'm a Bada$$ cowboy living in a cowboy day wicky-wicky-wak yo yo bang bang
me and Artemus Clydefrog go save Selma Hayek from the big metal spider
Wicky-wicky-wak wicky-wicky-wicky-wak
Bada$$ cowboy from the West Si-yiide