I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly.

He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.

So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.

Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

As well, FreeSexPlus sometimes shuts down for a period of time while Wife 1.0 creates a program called Kid 1.0 which REALLY puts a strain on your system resources. Once Kid 1.0 is up and running, the popups from that annoying MotherInLaw program become more frequent, and very annoying.

For some reason, Wife 1.0 periodically tries to delete DrinkingBuddies 1.0 through some strange process. If you attempt to reinstall the DrinkingBuddies 1.0, this will create a file called Argument 1.0. You must delete Argument 1.0 immediately before it upgrades itself to Argument 2.0. At this point the popups from MotherInLaw become almost totally unbearable. Argument 2.0 is a lot more difficult to get rid of. If Argument 2.0 is not dealt with, it uninstalls Wife 1.0, and replaces it with a program called Divorce 1.0. Strangely enough, for some reason the popups from MotherInLaw completely dissappear.

Wife 1.0 also replaces itself with Divorce 1.0 if you attempted to load Mistress 1.0 (or Mistress 2.0, which is more object-oriented than the first). This occurs even if you do not have any Argument programs on your computer.

If there are any Kid programs installed when Wife 1.0 replaces itself with Divorce 1.0, it leaves a very nasty program called VeryBigChildSupportBill 1.0 which consumes even more system resources as well as slowing down the MSMoney files. To add insult to injury, the program can randomly upgrade itself, each upgrade getting nastier and consuming more system resources, eventually hanging your system. Finally, your Kid programs may get corrupted, but there are Shareware copies of Kid 1.0 available, but they expire at the end of their time period, and new copies of Shareware Kid 1.0 are few and far between.

Can't help ya, bud. Tried, though........

------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

------------------
Death before Dishonor!
However Dishonor has
quite a disputed defintion.