The Top 40 Best Excuses heard for bunking off work, from a poll taken of a thousand people (from The Guardian, May 5 1999):

01. I fell out of the loft.

02. I fell down the stairs.

03. I fell downstairs, killing the cat.

04. I fell up the stairs.

05. My husband ran off with our neighbour.

06. My girlfriend was abducted.

07. I got hit by an ostrich.

08. The dog was sick on my suit.

09. I ran over the dog in the drive.

10. My cat didn't come home.

11. My cat got stuck in the catflap.

12. My son stuck his head in a pan.

13. A turkey fell on my head.

14. There was a dead cow on the line.

15. I damaged my shoulder jumping a fence at Aintree.

16. A plane crashed on my road.

17. I couldn't find my shoes.

18. I'd been sunbathing and the soles of my feet were burned.

19. I caught my toe in the duvet and broke a bone.

20. I fell out of bed and sprained my finger.

21. I cut my finger on a tin.

22. I got a splinter of a badminton shuttlecock in my eye.

23. I'm recovering from a hysterectomy (used by a man).

24. I have gone into labour (used, mercifully, by a woman).

25. I ricked my neck writiing a letter.

26. A wall fell on me.

27. Snow blindness.

28. Worms.

29. Rabies.

30. I couldn't have a shower because the painter was in there.

31. The bathroom window steamed up, so I openend the window and it came off the hinges - I was hanging out of it for an hour waiting for someone to rescue me.

32. I got bricked into my house.

33. I had legionnaire's disease (he returned to work two days later).

34. I broke my leg walking to my car.

35. The police stopped me to congratulate me on my driving.

36. The milk was frozen.

37. I split my trousers and only have one pair.

38. I was upset by the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin.

39. I was waiting in for British Gas.

40. I thought I was at work.

. . . and one I've heard myself: "I got up this morning and all the buttons had fallen off my shirts."

o O !

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When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew
- Unkown

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When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew
- Unkown

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Technobabble Incorporated!
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...and pushing it over!
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I was reading Lee's post, and it reminded me of something that I was reading at work a while back. It is pretty old, so feel free to shoot me if you've already seen this one.

A GUIDE TO SAFE FAX

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?

A. Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day

Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old should someone be before they can fax?

A. Fax can be performed at any age once you have learned the correct procedure.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay for fax. Is this legal?

A. Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and may pay a professional when their need for fax becomes too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?

A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to ensure safe fax.

Q. What happens when I follow the correct procedure and I fax prematurely?

A. Don't panic. Many people fax prematurely when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over. Most people won't mind if you start again.

Q. If I fax something myself, will I go blind?

A. Certainly not, as far as we can see.

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The public is wonderfully tolerant - it forgives everything except Genius.