posted
Y'know what? After a few minutes of thought, I've realized something. The idea that your girlfriend's mother sold her into prositution as a child makes me incredibly sad and cynical. But the fact that your parents could, on top of everything, blame your girlfriend for it... that's nearly making feel physically ill. I think you've convinced me that your parents are two of the most worthless creatures to ever walk this planet.
No offense toward you, of course. My utter disgust is directed solely at them.
------------------ "Yeah...apparently Sizer is very hard to say, so they replace it with 'Is Mr. Caeser home?' Sometimes I'll say that no, he has, in fact, passed away. 'My apologies.' 'Oh, that's ok, I'm over it. Brutus is still a wreck though.' Then I hang up." -Simon Sizer on telemarketers, 1-Nov-2000
Hell, I found a half-naked girl asleep on my porch last week ... of course, living in a party apartment complex, that would only "help" how people view me, so that's not a bad thing ...
But I meant "appearances" as in First's GF spending the night. Unless the neighbors are ultra-religious, I don't see why they'd even care. I mean, do your parents think they've got the place under surveillance?
Martha: "Oh, Howard, look, their no-good son has his girlfriend over ... break out the bible!"
Howard: "Where are the night vision goggles? I want some popcorn, too."
Martha: "Grab the videocamera. We'll show this to the Reverand and he can banish them to hell..."
Ahhhh ... no ...
I think your folks need a smackin'
------------------ Gore/Lieberman 2000 *** I'll hug your elephant if you'll kiss my ass. *** "I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating." - George "Dubya" Bush
posted
Tim's right. That sort of pig-ignorance is ahrd to believe, and even harder to tolerate. Lord knows how you managed not to be an arsehole First (well, not much of one ) but I'm surprised you even still talk to them.
I hope Julie recovers soon.
------------------ "If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike, BtVS
posted
My mother said: "Every time you two have problems, she gets sick".. implying that she's using illness to manipulate me.
YEAH.
I tell you what, anybody who can fake it THAT well, to the tune of biting one's tongue open and lying semiconscious for four days straight, deserves an academy award.
So, yesterday morning before I left for work, I challenged my mother to come up with TWO examples in which that was the case, with the additional criteria that she not be mixing up cause and effect (in other words, I admit that Julie and I have had problems when she was sick, because she can get irrational when she's ill... as can most people I know). She had all day, while I was gone, to think of only two.
And when I got home...
Not one word. Like the conversation had never happened. Not a single line of anything in defense. In fact, they weren't even home until 3 hours after I got home, and still no word about it.
It's a cold war.
------------------ "Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
Stupid bastards and religious freaks So safe in their castle keeps Turn away as a mother weeps Under the gun Deep Purple
In this case it is as a child weeps.
First, you have my admiration on the way you are able to deal with all of these things, and not be an ass. Also, I don't think that I have ever told someone congratulations on not learning from their parents.
------------------ Stupid bastards and religious freaks, so safe in their castle keeps...
Or at least your mom. You havn't mentioned your dad's take on things.
------------------ Francesca: He was born on the tundra, that's where he belongs. You'll kill him if you take him to Toronto. Thatcher: That's a bit drastic, don't you think? Francesca: Look, I've been to Toronto. Trust me, nothing can survive there. - "due South"
posted
"my mother referred to her as an 'ex-prostitute.' The idiot can't see that there's a difference between doing something WILLINGLY and being FORCED into it."
Classic case of "blaming the victim." 'Course, most of the time it comes out as "she asked for it" instead of "ex-prostitute." Your parents criticize her out of fear for you, but that's no excuse.
------------------ "The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." --Albert Eistein
posted
Well, it's rough. In fact, I almost DID give up that last Sunday. I mean, there she was staring at nothing, totally unresponsive, and I'm like "what if she STAYS like that?" I don't know that I could have handled that AND stayed sane. I thank whatever Gods there are that she didn't. When I came in the next day, and she recognized me, I cried.
I spent most of my life repressing emotions. I didn't even cry when my grandmother, my favorite person ever, passed. But I cried then. It felt good.
They're letting her go now. I'm taking her home tomorrow.
The upshot is, while in the hospital for all this, she also went off of some of her medicines (including Fioricet (sp?) which is a kind of narcotic for pain, and was the biggest cause of problems with her doctors), and discovered how some of them were actually hampering her health rather than aiding it. She's also off Adavan (a anxiety medicine) and now on Prozac (which her doctor assured me is not as bad as sensationalist TV makes it out to be) and is more cheerful than I've seen her in a LONG while, despite the fact that she still hurts. So it's not all bad.
How does my dad feel? Well, he's kind of stuck in the middle between my mother and me. He's a moderating influence, at least I can discuss things calmly with him.. when I'm not already too angry. But to be honest, he doubts my ability to care for someone else as well... and he does have somewhat of a point, given some of my past history. Bit this is more different that either of them have realized yet. I'M different than I was.
Oh, Inspiring songs, eh? If you can, get ahold of a copy of Linda Eder's "Children of Eve." It's not so much inspiring as... emotionally provoking, but I'd reccomend it to anyone.
(two excerpts)
All the Children of Eve sleeping somewhere tonight Dream of days when the shadows are gone All the Children of Eve say a prayer every night, Praying there'll be no Dragons at dawn...
Not all Children of Eve sleep in peace every night, Not all nightmares are over by dawn, When the Children of Eve become Dragons and fight, Then the whole vicious circle goes on...
------------------ "Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
After 15 years with the woman my parents treated only slightly better than the above....someday it can work out. I know that sounds unreal at this point but parents have a way of changing definitions to meet their needs. You'll never forget but you *may* forgive them...(end dorky motivational segment)
My suggestion: You and your gf find someone who isn't going to judge you and talk with them - counselor, doctor, priest, whatever. What with your folks and (oh help us) HER MOTHER!, her illness, etc. you two need to have somewhere you can go and get some support. If she's on Prozac then making it someone with some experience with that is a very good idea.
I don't want to sound like Ann Landers (especially since you didn't ask for it) but, it would have made the first 5 of those 15 years a lot easier to live if we'd done this.
The important thing is that you have each other and that she gets through this!!
First o' Two talking to a priest? Oh, that's hilarious.
------------------ Francesca: He was born on the tundra, that's where he belongs. You'll kill him if you take him to Toronto. Thatcher: That's a bit drastic, don't you think? Francesca: Look, I've been to Toronto. Trust me, nothing can survive there. - "due South"
posted
She has a counselor already. We've both seen her, and will continue to see her.
Both her mother and the men who abused her are dead, and have been since quite a while before I started seeing her. If they were not... they would be, anyway. Some people, the death penalty isn't harsh enough for.
------------------ "Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
) but I'm surprised you even still talk to them.
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