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My cousin Aprel sent me this (don�t correct me! I know how she spells her name!) I take no responsibility for the gender bias expressed by the observations below, but do believe some of them are true. Which ones, I leave you to guess.
--Baloo
Rules men wish women knew
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
Birthdays, Valentine's and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = Football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel fluff, Christmas tree formation and carburetors.
Shopping is not a sport.
Anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries & birthdays on a calendar.
Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own two or three pair of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
"Yes," and "No," are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done; not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions; neither do we.
------------------ If lawyera are disbarred and priests are defrocked, are tree surgeons debarked and ecologists denatured? www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
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Ahhh Baloo. You are truly a great, great man. Now, let's see about introducing those principles into schools...
------------------ there's a bird in the chimney,and a stone in my bed when the road's washed out,they pass the bottle around and wait in the arms,of the cold cold ground
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Jubilee: Just like every generalization, it does justice to some and injustice to others. We can all relate in one way or another, whether these apply to people we know and care about (or whether they apply to people we know & don't give a @#$% about ).
--Baloo
------------------ If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, are tree surgeons debarked and ecologists denatured? www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
------------------ Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift. Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift. Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
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