Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
So Far, no one has tried to or even bothered to verify the authenticity of this e-mail..... :) From: Bin Laden, Osama [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AM To: Cavemates Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots.
Osama
[ December 07, 2001: Message edited by: Tahna Los ]
-------------------- "And slowly, you come to realize, it's all as it should be, you can only do so much. If you're game enough, you could place your trust in me. For the love of life, there's a tradeoff, we could lose it all but we'll go down fighting...." - David Sylvian FreeSpace 2, the greatest space sim of all time, now remastered!
Registered: Mar 1999
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-------------------- "Out of doubt, out of dark to the day's rising I came singing in the sun, sword unsheathing. To hope's end I rode and to heart's breaking: Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red nightfall!"
The Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
Registered: Mar 2000
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Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks or so here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Osama bin Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.
In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell, "No," said Osama bin Laden, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama bin Laden saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden took this in disbelief and finally said, Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go.
-------------------- "and none of your usual boobery." M. Burns
Registered: Oct 2001
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Osama bin Laden called President Bush to have a little chat. Bin Laden said, "I had a dream about America last night." Bush was curious and asked what it was about. Bin Laden continued, "It was wonderful! The jihad was successful, we'd defeated the corrupt and immoral American government, and all of its people were smiling and happy, living in a peaceful and enlightened Islamic state. And there were posters on all of the buildings, that said 'Long Live Osama!"
President Bush replied, "Well, I had a dream about Afghanistan last night. The Taliban had been defeated and driven out of the country, and the people had been lifted out of poverty. The cities and roads had been rebuilt, and all of the people were smiling and happy. And there were posters on all of their buildings, too." Bin Laden asked, "What did the posters say?"
And Bush replied, "I don't know, I don't read Hebrew."
-------------------- “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov Star Trek Minutiae | Memory Alpha
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