posted
Now that everyone is posting happy posts here I thought it was time to balance things out a bit.
I hate myself, I disgust myself. I sit at home all day not knowing what to do. I have no job, I don't dare to go out looking for one, well, people are helping me and all with finding a job (I'm that sad) but I feel what they're doing is just a big waste. I never had a job before, I was dedicated to my study. Now I dropped out of university about a year ago. I do not want to look for another study to do (I did start another one, but failed again) I have no friends I see regularly (most of the friends I had, by the way, were introduced to me via my brother, never the other way round) I have no girlfriend to cheer me up (never had any either - I'll die lonely) i'm ugly, I'm fat, and people in the street are very eager to point that out. Even here I feel like an outcast. My brother, on the other hand, has friends he meets every day at university, has a social life, is not as fat as I am, has a girlfriend and is certain of a nice career. It's summer too, which always makes me sad. And to top it all off, worst of all, my mother has cancer.
posted
I know where you're coming from. I had a few problems myself. I was awkward physically, chubby, had acne, nobody got my jokes, I had nothing in common with anyone, and I felt alone. So alone.
One day, while I was miserably tagging along with the popular crowds, who barely tolerated me (With the exception of two, who I am still friends with today) the popular ones got tired of me hanging around, so they told me to fuck off. Just like that. No warning. Fuck off, Gurney. And that was it.
I didn't know what to do. All my friends now were too embarrassed to be seen with me. They'd be nice, and would like to do things after school, but at school, where it means the most, I was alone, for real this time.
I began my quest for new friends. I drifted from group to group for months. I knew that I was a leader, always have been, but I was willing to follow in order to be accepted.
One day, as a last resort, I went over to two of the least popular guys in the grade. One was small, smart and religious, the other was completely eccentric. I had to swallow my pride to even go up to them, since I hadn't always been that good to them in the past.
And you know what? There was no turning back. They both liked Star Trek, which I hadn't realized. They both liked history and politics, and understood my jokes, and, even better, made some of their own that didn't hinge on torturing someone else.
Those two guys helped me become who I am today, who I always really was. In many ways, they are like family.
RW, popularity isn't that important. When I see people at school, hugging, slapping high-fives and rough housing, laughing and giggling, I think to myself: Who are they? Really?
Most people want to fit in. I know I did. And in order to fit in, I sacrificed who I was. RW, I implore you, find at least one person who you can talk to. You might not ever meet your dreams of popularity or adoration, but life will certainly become a lot more bearable. After a while, it might even become enjoyable. Take my word for it, coming from someone who's been on both sides of the issue: A handful of good friends is better than a throng of pretenders.
Besides, after I got my friends, my confidence went up. People would see that we were having a good time and come to us. The same can happen to you. To have friends, you have to be a friend. You can be the nicest guy, the best listener, but if you're not fun, who will bother with you? Get out! Find something you really enjoy and do it. It doesn't matter what. But if you're having a good time, other people will want to share in that.
PS. Don't worry about your physical looks. I got thin, my skin cleared up. My awkwardness went away (Well, more or less ) and I became a fairly good athlete. Your body can change. Sure, it takes a bit of work, but it can. Who you are cannot change, and each and every one of us has to shape their world to something that suits them. Oh, and I don't have a girlfriend either. The one I love doesn't share the feelings. I've learned to live with it. Don't worry, you're not alone in being alone.
------------------ Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift. Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift. Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
[This message was edited by Jaresh Inyo on June 14, 1999.]
posted
If people are going to reject you on the basis of something as petty as your physical appearance, I'm no sure why you would want to be friends w/ them anyway. Believe me, I know about that sort of thing from experience. I've always been one of the nerdier people I know. There have been plenty of people who have hated me on the sole fact that they're complete assholes. Personally, I prefer not to have anything to do w/ them.
And what sort of thing do the rest of us know about each other that you wonder at? Just about all of what I know about people here is what I learn by reading their posts here. There are a few people I talk to regularly on ICQ, but that's it. I don't know most of the people here any better than anyone else would who reads the threads...
------------------ "Silence, you contemptible shrew!" -Stewie, The Family Guy
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Rutger, things look pretty grim, no question. But whatever else happens, you are NOT an outcast here.
------------------ "According to myth, the earth was created in six days. Now watch out! Here comes Genesis. We'll do it for you in six minutes." -- Dr. Leonard H. McCoy
posted
RW - My mother died of cancer a few years ago. I know the strain it puts on people, family and friends alike. I've seen someone I love waste away, to nothingness. If you want to talk about anything that's upsetting you in this, please, email me and I'm all ears.
The First One
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed
Member # 35
posted
You've never been an outcast here, Rutger. You just hneed to relax. If you just turn up occasionally, post something rather odd (and usually taking two or three posts to do it! - Couldn't you just edit the first?) and then vanish again, of course you're going to feel out of it.
At one point you had ICQ, and that was good. Maybe you can't have that anymore because of the phone bill. . . but I certainly think you should turn up at TrekSunday like you used to. And if I tell you to bugger off as soon as you arrive, don't worry - I say that to everyone. 8)
As for weight, let me give you my diet tips: grapefruit for breakfast, nothing else. Drink only water. Go for long walks. If you need a snack, eat an apple. Stretch. Oh, my God, I'm turning into Baz Luhrmann. Do everything I've just said, except the stretching - and do that too! Especially if you start serious exercising - stretching before and after does you SOOO much good. . .
------------------ "I have only one purpose, the destruction of Hitler.....If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourbale reference to the devil in the House of Commons".
) and I became a fairly good athlete. Your body can change. Sure, it takes a bit of work, but it can. Who you are cannot change, and each and every one of us has to shape their world to something that suits them. Oh, and I don't have a girlfriend either. The one I love doesn't share the feelings. I've learned to live with it. Don't worry, you're not alone in being alone. 
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