Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:
"On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you."
-------------------- "and none of your usual boobery." M. Burns
Registered: Oct 2001
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Charles Capps
We appreciate your concern. It is noted and stupid.
Member # 9
quote:I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
Wasn't it painted pink in 1812?
-------------------- "Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, no matter what - never face the facts." - Ruth Gordon
Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I was smiling when I wrote it. I was smiling as I read your response. I'm smiling now.
Moi, Bitter? Not at all. Reports are, I'm fairly salty with a hint of mint. (Probably the Irish Spring.) NO, if I were bitter I'd have actually said something MEAN.
I have my own apology to Canadians, you know.
I'm sorry that our country is so powerful, militarily, economically, socially, politically, and every other -ally, that it's reduced Canada's concept of a national identity into repeated loud assertions of not being like the US.
I'm also sorry that "Joe Canada" moved to the US. That must have been painfully embarassing. As well as all those other Canadians who end up moving here to take advantage of our huge fame-and-money generation machine.
I'm sorry nationalized healthcare isn't a bigger keeping point.
I'm sorry you didn't manage to get antivehicular land mines banned in your nice treaty. At least the countries that still use land mines can't just make more antivehicular mines and put them where they would have put antipersonnel... um.. nevermind.
I'm sorry it's turning out that forests don't absorb as much CO2 as previously thought, so that your "forest credit" under Kyoto may be invalidated.
It's all right. You're still okay blokes. We won't hold Iraq against you. Although we may display the casings of the chemical shells we find in Iraq, on our common border... just for future reference, you understand.
-------------------- "The best defense is not a good offense. The best defense is a terrifyingly accurate and devastatingly powerful offense, with multiply-overlapping kill zones and time-on-target artillery strikes." -- Laurence, Archangel of the Sword
Registered: Mar 1999
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