Okay... well... I've tried to post this stuff a few times earlier in the week, but I never got around to actually submitting it, in part because I doubt any of you even CARE.... but still... I've decided that I'm actually going to post it now, simply because I have nothing better to do....A few things have happened this week... maybe this post is more suitable for the flame board, I don't know.... anyway, a few pretty serious things have happened in my life this week, the first and foremost being that after a long battle, I've lost again, and I'm having severe problems in my wrist which may force me to cut off any and all access I have to the 'net, for my own safety....
About 1.5 years ago, I was diagnosed with severe tendonitis in my right wrist. At the time of the diagnosis, I'd already battled the pain associated with it for a year and a half prior.... I was also told that I may have the onset of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, but after doing some recent research, I've realized that my symptoms have changed, and are not Carpal Tunnel like at all anymore...
Anyway, one would asume that the wrist ailments came from using the computer... but oddly enough, they didn't... at the time I was diagnosed, I could barely turn a computer on... I hardly used them at all... I really got this from playing in band... yes, that's right folks-- about 50% of all musicians will suffer from some type of Music-related injury in their career... and at the age of 15, I officially became one of them 
Well, to get on with the story, from the diagnosis, I ended up in physical therapy, on numerous meds, and doing many EXCRUTIATING treatments... it's true, I guess--no pain, no gain! After a few months I got out of therapy, only to end up back in it a few months after THAT....well, now I've been out of therapy again for almost 10 months, and I've fought every day to KEEP out of therapy... but alas, I've failed and finally, last monday, my boyfriend helped me see the light, and I realized that I'm fighting a losing battle with MYSELF, and that the pain I suffer with day to day is going to push me over the edge soon if I don't get some help...
So on Thursday, I'm going to go see my Orthopedic surgeon again... I hate that man, hate him with a passion! But at this point I'm desperate.
This last week I've been in so much pain that it's brought me to TEARS a few times... and I've had a lot of hard realities finally come back and hit me in the face-- realities like the fact that I can never be a professional musician, even though talent wise, I have what it takes to go ANYWHERE... or at least, so I've been told...
I've also realized that I can no longer be totally independant. It's time for me, LOA, to rely on others for support... physical, moral, and emotional... So I'm going to be relying on my friends, family, and teachers now to get me through this.. and above all, I'm going to be relying on God...
Now this is probably too much personal info for you, and you're most likely bored senseless, wondering WHY I'm telling you this anyway, and WHAT this has to do with ANYTHING, so here's the part where I tell you...
My music means the world to me... so does my computer.... but now is the time in my life where 'm going to have to make some tough decisions.... my music can't go.. not now, not yet... I'm committed to too many different things... so everything else in my life has to give so that I can continue on.... therefore, after this Thurs, it's very possile that you won't see me again for quite some time... if the doctor tells me the the computer has to go, then it's going.... and so I wanted to make you all aware of it...
When/if the computer goes, I can still be reached by e-mail... but don't count on responces, because I don't know when and if you'll get them...
I'll try to remain in touch with Charles, or at the very least I'll have one of my RL friends remain in touch with him, so if you for some reason DESPERATELY need to get a message to me, or if you just want to know how I'm doing, Charles is the man to talk to....
Anyway, I wanted to make you all aware of these circumstances... I may not end up losing the computer, there's no way to know... but I wanted to let you know, just in case it happens, so you can all be warned... at the very least, even if I DON'T lose the computer, I will still be on MUCH less than normal because everytime I sit down to type anymore, the pain is too extreme for me to even put into words. And it's not just typing.. it's everything... the pain has never been like this before, and it just keps getting worse. So no matter what, things are going to be chaing for me... Anyway, now you know, whether you wanted to or not....
*sigh* And also.... one other even that happened this weekend... just so that it never comes up again when speaking of me, I am no longer dating my boyfriend.... we ended the relationship yesterday evening. Now, there are absolutely NO hard feelings at all between us, and we're still the best of friends.... *smile* Anyway, I just wanted tolet you all know, but I'm not going to go into that detail anymore. :-)
Now that I've managed to write a novel for you guys, I think it's time for me to sign off... sorry to take up too much of your time, but thanks for bearing with me anyway...
~LOA 
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*in memory of Ralph*
"Ch-ch-ch-CHIA!"
May his terracotta soul rest in peace...
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