posted
Gravie sent these to me. I don't really recommend these ideas, but what the hell...
20 Ways to Confuse Trick-or-Treaters
Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, and say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
When selecting treats to pass out at the homestead, avoid non-nutritious candies and gums. Instead offer celery and blue cheese sauce platters. While the neighborhood rugrats may loathe you, you'll undoubtedly be a hit with the local dental hygienist (Note: House windows should be securely boarded before attempting).
Take care to choose a Halloween personae that lends itself to self-defense. A wicked witch with the trademark broom has a vast combative edge over an wand-wielding fairy.
When trying to choose an appropriate costume, be sure to select the darkest colors available. Go for black ninja suits or other non-reflective garb.
Costume accessories can really make the difference. Avoid using plastic props. Opt for real cutlery to stand out in the crowd.
If living in the deep rural South, avoid dressing up in a white sheet, for any reason. Such action can be misconstrued and ultimately lead to grotesque bodily harm.
And for little tikes, don't garb them in a white bed sheet that's bound to get tarnished! To cut Halloween budget corners, use white kitchen garbage bags. The costume also doubles as a large goodie bag, in the event that the feelings of asphyxiation simply become too unbearable for the youngster.
With so much geared toward the youngest family members, awkward teens can often feel left out. Insist that they dress up in a costume that will complement the young sibling's attire (Raggedy Ann and Andy, Prince and Princess, etc.).
When out collecting candy, visit houses in out-of-the-way dimly lit areas. Especially look for houses without *any lights on. These are the enthusiasts trying to make Halloween especially authentic and eerie for little ghoulies.
If no unlit houses can be found in your area, you will be forced to approach the well-lighted houses. But don't knock on the door! Instead, sneak around an knock on windows or rustle around in crawl-spaces. The resident family will appreciate your sense of originality and will likely reward you handsomely.
After you've been trick-or-treating, simply disregard all wrapped or "store-bought" candy. People handing this stuff out just don't give a darn and simply took the easy out. Go for the home-baked goodies.
You can also look for organized community events to entertain teens. Who can forget playing "Disintegrate The Mailbox," "Pumpkin Toss," "Teacher Toilet Paper Party," "Plastic Pumpkin Pillage," and "Pummel The Ghoulies."
Before bobbing for apples at your local Halloween carnival, fill your mouth brimming full with ketchup. When underwater, discharge the goo, then frantically jerk your head up out of the water screaming, "Razor! Razor!"
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away immediately.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the dead.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions
posted
Hehehe... I like #7 in the first list... :-)
And I don't know about recognizing "Nilbog", but it's "goblin" spelled backward, if that counts for anything...
------------------ "It'd be a pity if every pencil on Earth suddenly collapsed in on itself and blew everything up." -Krenim, TNO chat, September 30, 1999
posted
"Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke."
Oops. Too late by far.
"When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone."
I suppose that really depends on how much you LIKE the rest of your group...
"As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell."
HAH! Tell me about it.
"Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead."
What if you're not standing? What if you're.. um... reclining? Dually?
"Do not take *anything* from the dead."
I dunno about this one. Sometimes, the dead give fairly good advice.
"If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible."
That IS the characteristic behavious of some of my companions.
I'm just sayin, is all...
------------------ "We shall not yield to you, nor to any man." -- Freak, The Mighty.
quote:7.Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
This sounds like something Tom Green would do.
Yes, I finally saw him... I'm addicted - but we seem to see the same episodes over here in Austrealia - I'll have to contact thecomedychannel to beg them to get more.
He is one seriously disturbed person - he is so farking funny.
------------------ "The story..." Londo says, "is not over yet. The story is never over."
posted
Jesus H. Christ, Gravie, did you have to look up all your old Ghostbusters comics for those ones?
------------------ "So, no room for Bender, huh? Well I'll build my own lunar lander, with blackjack, and hookers. In fact, who needs a lander, or blackjack? Ah, screw the whole lot o' ya!" -- Bender, Futurama.
Happy Halloween!
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