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I have decided that James Lileks must be my evil twin, or I am his. Apparently he was born first, cuz he writes things I'd like to have written before I do.

http://www.lileks.com/writings/post/car.html

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READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE:
According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

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"About as useful as a narcoleptic rickshaw driver."
-James Lileks

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Thanks! I try to do my part to combat intellectual entropy.

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READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE:
According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.